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    #1

    Preparing for close distance ruined by parents

    Hello to everyone.
    Just decide to create account and share my problem so forgive me in advanced for some mistakes 'cause I'm new here.
    Me and my GF have been together for 2 years and after some longer period we start to speak serious about our future.
    In the beginning we didn't want to rush and we gave space to each other and later realize that something more exist between us.
    We met accidentally by speaking on VoIP program. As usually in the beginning was just conversation almost about everything 'cause we were both adults and we could take a serious conversation for hours and hours.

    As months were passing we were already "in" that...we exchanged mobile numbers, home address(on some funny way 'cause she wanted to surprise me with first letter) and I was amazed by that. Later we organized a time for more speaking, watching each other on cam(this took some time 'cause i'm a bit shy person but everything passed good). There were days when I watched her how she falling asleep in the middle of conversation 'cause she was tired,when I was speaking something or just staying that she can fall asleep easier.
    From time to time we had bad moments,more like a crisis 'cause we were afraid that we will lost each other but I was doing good about that creating calm atmosphere so everything was under control.

    That I'm not going more in details after long time we decide that I will visit her and we start to plan that and we were so close but my parents didn't take that serious and didn't accept good too 'cause they are afraid of everything(mostly mom) even that I'm guy but maybe I didn't approach them on good way.
    I was listening them how they were speaking about this and it was disappointment for me 'cause they don't trust so much in online dating and online people doesn't matter that you explain to them everything.
    They didn't forbid me but they were obviously not for that. I'm responsible enough and I know with what person I'm and that this person makes me feel amazing in this 2 years. She said she will organize mostly everything for my coming 'cause she is better in this and I will took that part with documents.
    Just to mention a location, I'm from Europe and she is too but European Russia(western and central part) and to get documents it's a kind a bit harder procedure 'cause it's not European Union but my country is in.

    After all this planning and waiting I said everything to her and she was "broken" 'cause she and me didn't expect reaction like that. Today when I was listening her how she was crying after all happiness & joy about my coming,about her birthday and present that I sent her(it's still on the way and she doesn't know for that at all) I felt dead and wasn't possible to hold my self too
    She,her mom,friends were happy because of her but now, now she refused to speak with me 'cause she said she will be just sad listening me and knowing that I will not come so soon or later but she said I need to know she will always love me and wait for me
    I said to her that I don't think it's good idea 'cause I love & need her but she said she will not speak till that time till I will not come(and that can be long)
    Now I don't know want to do...I can't sleep,I feel so terrible,guilty,sad and no one can understand me(around me everyone is so happy) so I wrote longer text here to feel a little bit better knowing that maybe someone will read this.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Ok so first thing's first...Why do your parents get to decide if you visit? Are they financially supporting you?



    Met online: 1/30/11
    Met in person: 5/30/12
    Second visit: 9/12/12
    Closed the distance: 1/26/13!!!

    Comment

      #3
      I am sad your parents don't support your decition of bringing her. Are you planning to marry? Or how otherwise will you close the distance?
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        It's not so much problem in financial part. Big problem is that they are worried and don't trust when it's something over internet but I can hold lessons for everyone when it comes about internet and meeting on the internet. These things make me crazy and I feel like I live in 17th century still.
        Like I mentioned yesterday she was happy,her mom and friends too and then this happened from my side.
        Now she doesn't respond on my message/s 'cause she is too sad and I don't know what to do.

        Comment

          #5
          Maybe my title was wrong so you understood me wrong. We decide that I will visit her in Russia and be there 10 days and it would be first time after 2 years and a bit more of our LDR and now everything goes wrong but we had plan for further after meeting...

          Comment

            #6
            So what you mean is that there will be a visit?
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
              So what you mean is that there will be a visit?
              Sorry for previous replies I noticed too late button "Reply With Quote"
              Yes it should be out first visit after 2 years like I typed in previous answer but now nothing from that.

              Comment

                #8
                Ok, because closing the distance means moving to be together permanently.

                Anyway, meet and have a good time. Take time to get to know each other live. Later you can include parents, when you are strong as a couple it will be easier.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                  Ok, because closing the distance means moving to be together permanently.

                  Anyway, meet and have a good time. Take time to get to know each other live. Later you can include parents, when you are strong as a couple it will be easier.
                  Yes,i got it it was just my fault about title and you understood me wrong.
                  We can't meet now at all after this 'cause for visiting I should mention to parents and later I told to them that I'm going for few days but they were against.
                  Now everything stopped and both of us sad and not speaking 'cause she decide like that.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I don't understand why you let your parents decide this.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                      I don't understand why you let your parents decide this.
                      I don't know too. All the time thinking how I was possible to say them "thank you for your opinion but still I will go 'cause I know what's the best for me"

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Delacroix View Post
                        I don't know too. All the time thinking how I was possible to say them "thank you for your opinion but still I will go 'cause I know what's the best for me"
                        You are 21 years old, so YES! What age do you think it okay to stand up to your parents and live your own life? It is a visit, do it. You might be surprised and find they will respect you more for doing so in the long run.

                        Most women want a man, not a boy. Time to man up. If it does not turn out, no harm no fowl. You come back home and tell them you are not sorry you did it. Stand up for yourself and for the decisions you make in life.
                        Last edited by Hollandia; January 29, 2014, 02:36 PM.
                        "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                        Benjamin Franklin

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Hollandia View Post
                          You are 21 years old, so YES! What age do you think it okay to stand up to your parents and live your own life? It is a visit, do it. You might be surprised and find they will respect you more for doing so in the long run.

                          Most women want a man, not a boy. Time to man up. If it does not turn out, no harm no fowl. You come back home and tell them you are not sorry you did it. Stand up for yourself and for the decisions you make in life.
                          Thank you for such a nice and motivational answer. Yes, you're right in everything what you say but sometimes it's a bit hard when your parents still by some things "in their mind" like it's 17th century.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Parents will not always like what their adult children do. That is the nature of things. You don't have to talk much, just inform them, and tell your so that the visit will happen.
                            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Delacroix View Post
                              Thank you for such a nice and motivational answer. Yes, you're right in everything what you say but sometimes it's a bit hard when your parents still by some things "in their mind" like it's 17th century.
                              I think you need help them get over it. Do you want them ruling your life till you are 50? It is just a visit. I see no reason that you have presented for this to even be an issue. If my Mom had told me not to go visit my SO the first time, I would have said something like this. "Look I love you and I appreciate you have raised me and all you have done for me. It is time for me to grow up and make decisions for myself. They won't all be right and some might be wrong, but in this case I need to do this. I still respect your opinions but this choice is mine and I am making it. I hope you can respect my decision, but please understand, I am going."
                              "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                              Benjamin Franklin

                              Comment

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