Bad experiences with closing the distance.

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry this happened to you CQ

On a lighter note, you and I have the exact same amount of posts!

[CynicalQuixotic]

I'm so sorry this happened to you CQ

On a lighter note, you and I have the exact same amount of posts!

Thank you. And you joined a good 15 months after me, what does that say about me!

[Ahava]

Thank you. And you joined a good 15 months after me, what does that say about me!

LOL
Maybe that you think before you speak and only write meaningful messages? :P

[CynicalQuixotic]

LOL
Maybe that you think before you speak and only write meaningful messages? :P

Ha, if you ever feel like stalking my post history, I've put my foot in my mouth several times!

[Ahava]

Ha, if you ever feel like stalking my post history, I've put my foot in my mouth several times!

Hehe

Btw it looks like we have hijacked this thread ->

Et je vous souhaite une bonne journée

[TwoThree]

That's absolutely horrible and scary, CQ. I'm so sorry. And I'm really glad things worked out well for you.

[lucybelle]

Backup plans are pretty damn important. When my SO moved in with me in the USA, I had a plan to get him on an airplane and back to his country as soon as things went south. When I moved to CR, it was the same deal. I knew if things didn't work out, I'd get on an airplane and leave.

At the same time, I really believe you should never move just to be with someone. I moved to CR because I knew I needed to get out of the USA for a while. I wanted to move abroad, and it was just convenient that my SO was going to be living there as well. I've had an excellent time in CR for the most part. Some days I get homesick, some days I hate this country, but I'd say a good 80% of my days are fantastic.

If I had moved down here with the sole purpose of being with my SO, I could have held a lot of things against him. Every time I had a bad day I could have said "it's your fault I'm here, do something to make me feel better". But that's not how it was. Moving was 100% my decision and I knew I would have moved somewhere even if I had never met my SO.

Residency has been a complete disaster on both ends- mine in CR and my SO's for USA. So that definitely adds some stress as well. But it's worth it

[rubydissolution]

Well, a few years ago when I was in an LDR we closed the distance after dating for just under a year. He had saved up to move, and done everything he needed to except get his license. He moved to me, I had a room set up for him at my grandmothers house. I had planned to live with him there. My Grandma at the time was never there and always at her bf's house. He moved, we settled in. He didn't have a license and getting around in my town is hard without one so he had to depend on me for it. So, he was stuck in the house a lot. Also after a couple months he still couldn't find work. Our relationship was still OK. It fell apart though when it was time for my annual trip to Florida when he announced he was leaving to go back home. He gave me 24/hrs notice of this which sent a shock through my system. We had a long heart to heart talk that night as he packed his stuff to go home. We left the same day, but when I got to Florida he told me he got to Pennsylvania and turned back. So, my trip continued as planned and I was happier.

When I got home, he continued looking for a job, and continued to have no luck. In late November (month after he was going to leave the first time) after I had worked an overnight he sprung it on me again that he was leaving, the next day. AGAIN! 24hrs notice! I knew he wasn't happy, but to break it to me that he was going home in such a short amount of time seemed cold. He couldn't even be bothered to stay for our anniversary which was two weeks away. I was heartbroken, and shattered and quite frankly couldn't handle that again. I drove him to the airport the next day and he went home. We never recovered from it, my trust in him was so far gone there was nothing to get back. I visited him again in January and that was the last time, we both knew it. In the beginning of February around Valentine's Day we called it quits.

[Neia0202]

I think an advantage my SO and I have is that I am moving to his country regardless of what happens with our relationship, and that we'll have time to see how it goes because we won't immediately move in together. Plus, as I've already lived there before I still have some friends there, and most of my current friends will move as well. I also have family living there so for me it really isn't a sacrifice at all.

[jezebot]

Ah, a similar thing happened to me with my last ex. I moved from North Carolina to Texas and he dumped me two months later. Thankfully, he let me stay with him until I found a place, but then I was stuck in Dallas for months afterward, working a shit job and feeling miserable. As you can imagine, this experience haunts me now that I'm thinking of moving to England for my current SO. I'm afraid that whatever my ex found irritating or unlovable about me will become apparent to my SO and he'll dump me, too. I've voiced my fears and my SO can only reassure me that he loves me so many times. What can we do? I just have to hope things work out this time. I wish I didn't keep falling in love over the internet!

[simplysam]

I cant imagine if that will ever happen to me and if i will be able to survive. So I agreed with most of the replies that there must be a back-up plans in case it will not work out or will not turn out the way you expected it to be. And definitely maturity of an individual is not based on the age. So it is necessary that you are both ready 100% and must have an agreement beforehand that will be responsible for each other.

[Miasmata]

I'm incredibly thankful that my partner always planned to move to Europe to work here. He's never been too keen on staying in the US, and with his degree he has decent chances of getting a job abroad. It means I'm not the sole reason he wants to move, just another incentive - The pressure for us to make the relationship work under all circumstances, no matter how much things could go south, won't be there. He'll also have some money put aside to go back home if all else fails, so we got backup plans. More than anything, I want this to be planned safely.

[Malaga]

I'm so sorry about all your shocking experiences. I can't imagine how shattered you must've been. It's good to see you bounced back so well.

I'll be the one moving to my SO. Even though I trust him with all my heart, I know it's going to be hard and I'm overwhelmed with fear of what's to come. But I also know whatever may happen in the future I can survive it. But it would be just as hard if he were to move here, with the added pressure of feeling like I'm responsible for him to be happy here. It's a big burden and honestly, I'd rather if he carry it.