Need advice

[ReneHansen7688]

My fiance and I live 3000 miles apart. I live on the west coast he lives on the east. My issue is we talk about being together, but we can not agree on where. He wants me to take my 2 kids and move there
Both of my kids are teenagers. Have grown up in the same neighborhood all their lives
To up root them for what I want seems wrong. I think he should come home. His children are here and the state up mine. He hates being away, but at times I think he just says that to get me off his back. I don't know what to do. We r engaged, and we can't agree on where to live. Anyone got any ideas. Thanks.

[TaraMarie]

Wow..that's a tough one. I have three children as well. Two of mine are younger. My SO has none, so there is no question that I can't move to him. I can't take my children from their father. So my SO is coming here. I wish I had some advice for you..... But I don't. I just wanted to wish you good luck and welcome you to the forum.

[differentcountries]

I think you could take a really brain storm about options. What does he have against moving to your place? How far can you move your kids and they could still keep in touch with their friends?

[lyonsgirl]

If you can find a really great job where he is - it's not just for you. But - it does depend a little on how old your kids are. If, for example, they're close to finishing high school (like, within 2 years) I wouldn't uproot them yet. If they're 13/14 yrs old, I would look into moving. I moved around a lot growing up - and have moved around a lot in my life as an adult.

With social media, your kids will be able to stay in touch with their friends no matter where they live. I'm not saying definitely uproot them - but I don't think it's absolutely not an option for you to move.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I started moving all the time when I was a kid, and I got used to it. I feel starting young makes it easier. I wish you would explain why he doesn't want to move. Does he have a career he can't leave? If you don't fully understand his reasons, you should ask and see if there is a compromise you could reach. Talk about what you both have going on in your living situations and discuss moving. Explain your feelings to him about moving and see what you can do. Hopefully you'll have a productive talk. Just be careful to make it feel like a discussion so he doesn't feel attacked and get defensive. I hope that helps, and I wish you the best.

[Hollandia]

My fiance and I live 3000 miles apart. I live on the west coast he lives on the east. My issue is we talk about being together, but we can not agree on where. He wants me to take my 2 kids and move there
Both of my kids are teenagers. Have grown up in the same neighborhood all their lives
To up root them for what I want seems wrong. I think he should come home. His children are here and the state up mine. He hates being away, but at times I think he just says that to get me off his back. I don't know what to do. We r engaged, and we can't agree on where to live. Anyone got any ideas. Thanks.

Did you say your kids are with you and his kids are closer to you than him, like his ex has his kids? If this is true, he should not ask you to move your kids when he does not have to move his. I would think he would want to be closer to his kids too. He might have a great job there and a great life but you don't move kids unless you have to. It is simply unfair to them plus his kids are where you are. There should not even be a question about this. I would never move my kid in this situation. What ever his reason for wanting you to uproot your kids lives so that he can start his family with you and your kids while his are closer to where he had you move from? That seems pretty selfish. I have to ask this but is he a good father to his kids, because you should put your kids first as a parent and choosing to live across the country to them even if they are grown adults just does not present this to me.

OTOH, If he moves to you ,then your kids don't have to leave their home and he would get to be closer to his kids.... again, how is this even a question to him?

[piratemama]

As said before, you can list the pros and cons for each option. You have to consider your job, his job, and who could change that the easiest, plus family issues. Like Hollandia said, how can he not want to be near his kids and you? It looks like he should want to move to you, but maybe there are other factors we don't know.

In my case, I'm willing to move my teenage daughter and my mother with me to live where my SO is. For me, though, my daughter and I have had some times here that we had just as soon forget, so she is looking forward to changes. I made the decision to be willing to move to my SO, before he and I even discussed it. I saw that he had more to hold him to his home state.

Just keep the lines of communication open with your SO, so you two can continue to talk it out and find the solution.

[Zephii]

All things considered I can't see why it's even a question. I'm going to assume job or something.

Anyway if your kids are teenagers, why not ask them how they feel about moving? I was dying to move when I was in my teens, not every kid wants to stay in the same place forever.