CD can be very challenging

[Benni]

It's been 2 months since I moved to Newfoundland to marry B. I must say it has been very challenging for both of us.

Both of us in our 60's and living alone for 15 years (each of us) -- then living together 24/7 started out to be a hardship.

Our bedtimes were different, our meal times were different (even in the same time zone). He's very talkative, I'm an introvert so tend to be quieter.
I'm uber-organized, he's halfway organized and can never find things he needs whether it be tools, files, whatever.

We went through some tough times, at first. But both of us are 'discussers' -- if there's a problem, we talk it over and try different ways to solve the issue.
Most of the time, all ended well. Other times, compromises were made and we managed to not kill each other.

Another thing I want to mention -- if you indulge in cybersex, while still LD, I’ve found that building anticipation can also overbuild expectation.
Then nobody can fully meet the overbuild. So, don't set high expectations from your written words or your Skype sessions. Real life is very different.

All in all, life is good. We are very much in love and having fun times together. I wouldn't change a thing.

[Unconditional]

Congratulations on closing the distance.
Wishing you guys the best~*

[merlinkitty]

These are all great points I've tried to keep in mind as well. Right now we're both on similar schedules (in our respective time zones), but who knows how things like you mention will work out once we're in the same breathing air space finally. Congratulations on closing the distance. I'm so very happy of the pair of you!!

[squeeker]

Congratulations on making it work closed distance despite the challenges! I think it's good to read these stories, to remember things will change when we close the distance.. and to remember to keep things realistic. It's good you two are both able to work things out when need be. I guess it's always an adjustment to living together permanently. Though it's great you have gotten to a better place as you have merged your different schedules!!

[Benni]

Thanks for the replies.

[Hollandia]

While we have not yet officially closed the distance. We have been together since Christmas Eve, First in USA, then in NL, now in Croatia, in a few weeks in London, and then back to NL till October. If he can find a job in UK, we go there and then if it works out, we plan on the marriage on I will leave to finalize USA stuff so might be apart for a few weeks but then that should hopefully be it. If he takes a job in Uk when I have to leave it will most likely be to NL for much of to stay with his parents and so he will be able to fly to me most weekends. Long story short, we are getting very close to light at end of tunnel. Fingers crossed with 3 potential jobs coming up in UK. We don't "feel" very LDR at this point.

So, this is the longest we have ever been CD and you are right it is quite a bit different from being LDR. We have been lucky enough to spend 3 months together before but never this long, I think we have been CD now for almost 7 months now. We really went more through a "getting on each other nerves" thing about needing our own alone time than anything else. I usually just go to another room and do my own thing but some of the places this time did not leave much room for that. I have found that taking back up my old hobby of reading has helped. I can be sitting next to him but when I am reading but, I am in my own world.

I have gotten a bit tired of him expecting us to eat a full "dinner" most days and so we had a discussion about that and worked out a compromise. Like you said, I am quite used to being alone for much of the time and now it is all about "our dinner" and not about what I just feel like eating. I don't mind the merging of the laundry, but I have to say, I don't like him wanting us to do laundry every other day. I am quite used to my weekly laundry and so again, we had to compromise on that one. It is not about who cooks or who does the laundry it more about using the water or gas more efficiently so I don't think you can just say, fine you wash/cook yours when you want and I will do mine when I want because that just costs you both more money. These are just one or two of a hundred little things you have to adjust too.

I also miss our online time. It sounds odd, but I miss my online SO sometimes when he is sitting beside me. I loved having that online presence and kinship and I think he did too. We have since joined a few online places together. We don't really talk about our online activities together that much in person, they are like our "other us." If we want to we can, but it is certainly nice to have both our CD us, and our LDR us. and yes online promises are one thing and real life follow through is another. My best suggestion with some of that is push some boundaries and play some adult games and so if you can get those goals closer together. It makes things a bit more interesting at times.

[Benni]

I think we have been CD now for almost 7 months now. We really went more through a "getting on each other nerves" thing about needing our own alone time than anything else. I usually just go to another room and do my own thing but some of the places this time did not leave much room for that. I have found that taking back up my old hobby of reading has helped. I can be sitting next to him but when I am reading but, I am in my own world.


I also miss our online time. It sounds odd, but I miss my online SO sometimes when he is sitting beside me. I loved having that online presence and kinship and I think he did too. We have since joined a few online places together. We don't really talk about our online activities together that much in person, they are like our "other us." If we want to we can, but it is certainly nice to have both our CD us, and our LDR us. and yes online promises are one thing and real life follow through is another. My best suggestion with some of that is push some boundaries and play some adult games and so if you can get those goals closer together. It makes things a bit more interesting at times.

Excellent post, girl!! So, so true!

I'm used to reading by myself in total peace and quiet but I've adjusted to being able to read while he watches TV. It helps me to relax and calm down from the day.

Yes!! I miss his online persona very much! Although he does keep me laughing in person -- still, it's not the same.
And ....... those promises of the best sex of our lives? Didn't happen. He is very, very touchy/feely with lots of hugs, kisses, backrubs, etc. but the sex is not often. That may be due to his age, I guess, but I have adjusted to the lack of it. If he ignored me and didn't show his love for me, on other ways, every day, I don't think I would have stayed.

[Ahava]

Nice to hear things are working out for you

[Benni]

Thank you!

[Petals]

Glad you guys are able to compromise and make it work... never lose sight of the big picture

I will be visiting my SO in a few days for 2 months and I am excited but a bit nervous about how well we can work together in the same space. He will be extremely busy too, but that's his life so I will see if I can deal with his constant on the go lifestyle. I know this is not remotely close to closing the distance permanently, but it will reveal a lot about us before I make the big move next year.

All the best

[Benni]

It'll be a good way to have a trial run!

[Petals]

It'll be a good way to have a trial run!

Yeah I think so too

[BlueCat]

Yes, CD certainly comes with its own set of challenges. You have to put up with their habits that might be annoying to you, and you have to bring both of your routines together. It's a tough thing to do, especially so since my SO is a night owl, and I'm completely not, lol. That was one of the most challenging aspects.