Depression over last stages and sacrifices

[Hollandia]

We finally have our timetable set. He is leaving on Saturday for training in Dublin for 3 weeks on this Saturday (Aug 16) and I will be staying behind in our NL place till Sept 8th with our kitties and finish packing till he starts his job in Belfast. Three weeks alone is nothing, but I have never done it without him in a foreign country so that is new, but his parents are not that far away here. I will have his parents drop me at airport on Sept 8th and meet him in Belfast. It is still pretty sticky, his new company will let him stay with him for first week in Hotel in Belfast after training but after that we have to find somewhere, and fast. Our kitties will be in our NL place and his parents will come over daily to take care of them.

Once we are in Belfast and find a place, we have to use a free weekend to fly back to NL and grab our kitties and pack his parents spare car they are lending us for a few months to drive kitties and clothes to Belfast. They are storing and paying to ship our main stuff for us, we are blessed for that. A few months after settled, we will fly to Gibraltar and spend the 2 days required to marry and then fly to NL for a super quick "party" for our wedding and he has to leave to go back to work in Belfast. I have to stay in NL again at this point to apply for family permit from outside of UK as a now family member of a EEA non UK citizen. I need to send them my passport so I have to make sure I have enough time to not need to leave Schengen before they process it, but EEA family permits are required to be done at expedited levels.

After three years of jumping oceans and paying thousands to see each other, I am so stressed I cannot think straight. We have to go get his Birth Certificate in English, I have to make sure my business taxes and personal are all straight, was hard and expensive to do with a failing company, but that happens tomorrow too. I sold my car I loved to help pay for our first years rent before I can get my permit, and I know it sounds shallow, but it makes me sad. He sold his car too, was a sad week. I am going to be selling everything I left behind and it make me almost mad he gets to pack and sort his stuff while mine is all going out for sale. I have to tell myself it will be worth it, but I fell somewhat raped of my former self. Don't get me wrong, I guess this is a bit of ripping off a bandage, but this hurts and hurts bad especially since it is the home stretch and I have two more periods of being alone again coming up.

I guess I am just sad and yet I should not be because light is at end of tunnel. I am so tired of doing this for so long and still I just wonder, is this normal?

[differentcountries]

I would say it is probably very normal! I suspect I am only at the beginning of the things I will sacrifice in order to be with SO. You have stretched everthing for years, and now you are giving up even more to make it happen. I can only imagine how I would feel if I was to sell my apartment and most of the things I own, and had to sit tight alone while waiting for all of these complicated things to take place.

[lilspitfire]

We finally have our timetable set. He is leaving on Saturday for training in Dublin for 3 weeks on this Saturday (Aug 16) and I will be staying behind in our NL place till Sept 8th with our kitties and finish packing till he starts his job in Belfast. Three weeks alone is nothing, but I have never done it without him in a foreign country so that is new, but his parents are not that far away here. I will have his parents drop me at airport on Sept 8th and meet him in Belfast. It is still pretty sticky, his new company will let him stay with him for first week in Hotel in Belfast after training but after that we have to find somewhere, and fast. Our kitties will be in our NL place and his parents will come over daily to take care of them.

Once we are in Belfast and find a place, we have to use a free weekend to fly back to NL and grab our kitties and pack his parents spare car they are lending us for a few months to drive kitties and clothes to Belfast. They are storing and paying to ship our main stuff for us, we are blessed for that. A few months after settled, we will fly to Gibraltar and spend the 2 days required to marry and then fly to NL for a super quick "party" for our wedding and he has to leave to go back to work in Belfast. I have to stay in NL again at this point to apply for family permit from outside of UK as a now family member of a EEA non UK citizen. I need to send them my passport so I have to make sure I have enough time to not need to leave Schengen before they process it, but EEA family permits are required to be done at expedited levels.

After three years of jumping oceans and paying thousands to see each other, I am so stressed I cannot think straight. We have to go get his Birth Certificate in English, I have to make sure my business taxes and personal are all straight, was hard and expensive to do with a failing company, but that happens tomorrow too. I sold my car I loved to help pay for our first years rent before I can get my permit, and I know it sounds shallow, but it makes me sad. He sold his car too, was a sad week. I am going to be selling everything I left behind and it make me almost mad he gets to pack and sort his stuff while mine is all going out for sale. I have to tell myself it will be worth it, but I fell somewhat raped of my former self. Don't get me wrong, I guess this is a bit of ripping off a bandage, but this hurts and hurts bad especially since it is the home stretch and I have two more periods of being alone again coming up.

I guess I am just sad and yet I should not be because light is at end of tunnel. I am so tired of doing this for so long and still I just wonder, is this normal?

Why do you have to sell everything and he doesn't have to sell anything? Just wondering.....

[conejita_hada]

That does sound stressful but also like everything is planned out well! Wonderful that you'll be closing the distance. I would be anxious about everything happening, too, but this new chapter also sounds so exciting. You always have support here!

[80anthea]

You're doing some of the most stressful life events all together: marriage, moving house and emigrating. It is going to be a tough couple of months with lots of emotions involved. Make sure in the middle of all this you still remember to look after yourself, eat, drink, sleep, relax and watch out for early warning signs of not coping well.

The positive is that you have a fantastic end point in the not too distant future!

[TaraMarie]

Your dream is coming true! Material things can be replaced. True love can't. Enjoy! And good luck!

[Hollandia]

I have to sell mine because I can't afford to bring them over from USA at any point in the near future. I do have my Ex and one good friend that will hold a few small precious things, but I have most stuff still in USA. I have been able to bring over only what would fit in a suitcase the last 3 years. I had my Ex holding all my stuff for me in our old house but now with this crush to my business, the house has to be sold. My one friend said he could hold a small amount of most precious things but the rest will need to be sold, given away or thrown away. My SO did sell his car but really we need most of his other stuff to live on, like his grandmom's dishes and his parents hand me downs of pots and pans and glassware and such. He gets to take his video and game collection, I would not want him to lose that. I just had a closet full of clothes that I can't get, my box full of shoes, and plenty of other things I just don't want to even think about from my Apple TV to my TV itself.

I am going to be able to have them hold for me, the bookcase my Dad made me for me, all his stuff from his funeral, my daughter's baby album and pictures, my cat figurine collection and 2 favorite pairs of shoes, one purse, and one fake fur jacket. The rest goes up for sale in a few weeks.

I really wish I could have gone back to USA one more time to go through my stuff, but such is life, that cash must be used to reach our finish line. I do think I am mourning my old "life" if that makes sense. This is pretty much the real end of it. I have never even been to Northern Ireland and now I am moving to it in 3 weeks.

I do know that this is all what it takes to be together. I am very happy about closing the distance and not complaining. I just never realized how damn HARD this would be. We have decided to marry in Gibraltar to save time, only a one day waiting period and no residence requirement so that is not what we wanted either but so be it, another adventure begins as my old life dies.

I do appreciate all the posters on these boards and do not plan on leaving after distance is closed. This place is truly amazing and downright life altering for those in pain at times. I consider you all part of my internet family.

[rhabdoviridae]

You're facing huge changes ahead: moving to another country, getting married, closing the distance, etc. It would be normal to feel stressed about one of those things alone!

It's normal to feel "angsty" ahead of such major life changes, even a bit resentful. So long as you don't let these feelings fester, I think you should be fine.

[Hollandia]

Update:

He's gone. He left for Dublin today to start his 3 weeks of training. I can do 3 weeks blinded folded on one foot, but this time it is in his country without him and his parents are leaving for Portugal for 2 weeks on Monday. Alone in Netherlands and I am so tired of doing shit like this. No friends, no family and even though finish line is getting so close, I find myself wandering what the fuck am I doing ?

[80anthea]

3 weeks will go by quickly but it must be strange being in a foreign country alone. Have you done all the tourist stuff in his town? What's available locally? Can you get out and walk/cycle?

If it were me I'd probably sign up to one of the hundreds of free online courses and study something bizarre for three weeks....irish history maybe!?

[Hollandia]

3 weeks will go by quickly but it must be strange being in a foreign country alone. Have you done all the tourist stuff in his town? What's available locally? Can you get out and walk/cycle?

If it were me I'd probably sign up to one of the hundreds of free online courses and study something bizarre for three weeks....irish history maybe!?

I have been living here for the past 2 years half the time, but I might have been confusing. I am in the Netherlands without him alone. He is in Ireland training. The new job is 2 hours north in UK, Belfast Northern Ireland. I know me, I will pretty not leave the apartment for 3 weeks. I just have nobody here, since his parents are going away. They all set me up with groceries so that was cool. I am just a people person, I would kill for a pal to hang with. I wish I knew someone that wanted a place to hang in NL for a week or so.

[rhabdoviridae]

I know it sounds pathetic, but I do things on my own sometimes even though all I want to do is sit in my apartment and read the time away. I've been to the movies, racetrack, local parks to walk/feed the ducks, etc. One thing you might try is looking online for local meetup groups (meetup.com, I think?) for people that like to do stuff you like to do. You can do this!

[Hollandia]

His parents leave for vacation for two weeks on Monday. They made me come to dinner at their place tonight and I pretty much talked their ears off, I am such a people person and this pure hell for me.

[OperaDiva]

I just saw this thread I have moved country so many times in the past 3 years ... and I have had way less complications to deal with than you and it was still like swimming in open ocean (err, that is to say something completely terrifying for me) for a few weeks! It is completely normal to feel out of balance and questioning yourself. Belfast sounds really nice though, so maybe you can think about exploring the city? Just try and find something fun to look forward to.

[Hollandia]

This is really hell. I want to just pack a bag and go back to Delaware to wait for him, but that would cost too much. I thought about buying some sleeping pills from Amazon to sleep, since that is almost non existent right now, but I am afraid that if something bad happened ,there would be no one to contact. To make matters worse, my Ex's attorney is being a total dick about some legal documents that needs to be filed. for sale of house and whatnot.They keep processing the paperwork saying I have live in Netherlands since January and I just got fucking back here in July. I have all the passport stamps to prove I never overstayed and they just don't care because he is their client and not me. I had to contact the US consulate in Amsterdam to have them help me rectify this, I am not signing shit that states I lived in a country when I did not. I spent every penny I could to make sure I never broke an immigration law and this asshole attorney is not going to fuck up my record of pristine immigration in any way shape or form. The Ex is happy to have the papers say they I still reside in USA, since I own half that half house, pay the bills, pay the taxes and it is my only legal residence but the attorney claims since I "lived" here, they cannot say it. The worst part is, I helped to pay for those damn attorneys for him.

They had better change the address or my ass has to fly back to Delaware to go see them in person, sign their papers and tell them to kindly fuck off!

Can you imagine after 3 frakin years of making sure to follow the time limits to have some twit attorney try to file legal documents that state you did not and expect you to sign it? Frak that. I went to Paralegal school and it will never happen or it could cost me my residence permit in UK or NL or anywhere if it appears there was any fraud or overstaying on purpose at all. I guess, I had better make photo copies of my passport stamps and flight tickets but I don't even have a damn way to get to Amsterdam from where I am at in this country with no SO and his parents still gone for a few more weeks. I also had to put a hold on buying my flight to Belfast till I can get an answer from both Consulate and his stupid attorney.

They need to riddle me this, I left the state of Delaware in December, so another frak up from them twits. I stayed with a mutual friend when my SO flew over for 2 weeks, then we flew to NL , We stayed there for 88 days, then we flew to Croatia and stayed there for 75 days, then we flew to UK and stayed there for 15 days and finally flew back to a fresh new restart of my Schegen on July 8th. So, if I am not a resident of USA because of several short stay legal visas, then where they hell do I live? I am not registered in any other country and when my ass flies back to USA then demand to know why I was out of my country of residence for so long. Am I homeless, am I stateless, am I countryless, if so what they frak did I just file my frakin USA taxes and State of Delaware taxes? Why are I paying school taxes on my house in Delaware and property taxes? If I had the money I would sue them for defamation of my character.

Immigration sucks, and lawyers suck and laws suck....and this is all happening because I have followed every damn law and filed every damn paper every step of the way. No wonder people crack sometimes. This is pure and utter bullshit.