Closing the Distance in -1 week, depressed

[Deez]

I'm closing the distance in like 6 days! It's been the plan for me to move to him for over 6 months and I've been working on getting a job out there for 4 months. So it's been awhile knowing I was going to leave. Few weeks ago my transfer came through and I got my move date, it was common knowledge that it be on 2-3 weeks notice and I was fine with that. I am excited to close the distance. Especially after months of living in limbo pretty much, not knowing when my transfer was going to happen I've had trouble making plans more than a week or two out.

Here's the thing. For awhile now I've been hammered with the same questions over and over again, "Why are YOU moving? Why can't he move here? Do you know how cold it gets there? Do you know how bored you are going to be? What if it doesn't work out? Why would you just leave your family like that?" All these questions are valid but also things I've taken into consideration for months now. It's a bit disheartening to be a week out and still hearing this stuff at your going away party.

I'm 25. This is the first time I'm going to ever be moving. I've never moved with my family or away from my parents (can't beat the free WiFi) but it's time. I'm moving to be with someone who loves me, someone I love and see a future with. I've done everything "right". I made sure I wasnt moving just for him (not that that's a bad thing), that I had a job before I went and that I actually like it out there. The decision for me to move out there was based on me getting a job and how it was financially easier and other factors that I don't really feel I have to defend.

Yet that's all I feel like I'm doing, defending my choice. I'm moving because I am and he isn't. Yes I know it's going to be colder there (moving from Colorado to Michigan) but it's not like I've never experienced cold. What Kind of question is that anyways. I'm not living outside and I'm going to have someone to keep me warm. I'm going to be bored. You know what gets boring, Skype dates, talking about this future that seems like it was never going to come, eating alone, going to bed alone. I get to date him and do things with him and make up for things we have missed out on. That's not boring. What if we fight? We are adults, we will talk it out. I've spent 16 months forcing us to talk out any fight because we can't just hug it out or take a walk or vent silently. Ugh.

It just seems like everyone is focusing on the "negative" things. Rarely do I hear that they are happy that I get to be happy or that I'm growing up. Every time I mention my transfer I bring up that it's a promotion. Yea I was aiming for my current position out there but I ended up with a promotion, be happy for me. This whole relationship has felt like us against the world and to finally feel like things are falling into place but I'm still having to defend it is exhausting.

Am I the only one having this reaction? It's hard to stay positive about a huge change when no one else seems to be. Any advice?

[Petals]

Hi there,

You sound like you have a level head and have been smart about your move; kudos to you for that!

People are happy for you; they really are! There questions come from a place of concern because they know this is a big move and many have tried it and failed. It might be that they feel they are trying to protect you by making sure you have thought of everything. They know that women often get caught up in the' happily ever after' syndrome and forget about the important matters until it's too late. I can understand how condescending this must feel, but you know deep down that you have been practical about the move so hold your head up and go and be with your SO.

Try not to see their comments as all negative, but recognize that it comes from a place of love and concern and their own selfish need to have you around. They are going to miss you.

All the best with your move

[TaraMarie]

Don't worry about what other people say. Follow your heart. They are dealing with YOU LEAVING, AND they will miss you. And some people are just plain jealous that you've found your happiness! Good luck to you. Enjoy every minute. Life is freaking short!

[lilspitfire]

I'm closing the distance in like 6 days! It's been the plan for me to move to him for over 6 months and I've been working on getting a job out there for 4 months. So it's been awhile knowing I was going to leave. Few weeks ago my transfer came through and I got my move date, it was common knowledge that it be on 2-3 weeks notice and I was fine with that. I am excited to close the distance. Especially after months of living in limbo pretty much, not knowing when my transfer was going to happen I've had trouble making plans more than a week or two out.

Here's the thing. For awhile now I've been hammered with the same questions over and over again, "Why are YOU moving? Why can't he move here? Do you know how cold it gets there? Do you know how bored you are going to be? What if it doesn't work out? Why would you just leave your family like that?" All these questions are valid but also things I've taken into consideration for months now. It's a bit disheartening to be a week out and still hearing this stuff at your going away party.

I'm 25. This is the first time I'm going to ever be moving. I've never moved with my family or away from my parents (can't beat the free WiFi) but it's time. I'm moving to be with someone who loves me, someone I love and see a future with. I've done everything "right". I made sure I wasnt moving just for him (not that that's a bad thing), that I had a job before I went and that I actually like it out there. The decision for me to move out there was based on me getting a job and how it was financially easier and other factors that I don't really feel I have to defend.

Yet that's all I feel like I'm doing, defending my choice. I'm moving because I am and he isn't. Yes I know it's going to be colder there (moving from Colorado to Michigan) but it's not like I've never experienced cold. What Kind of question is that anyways. I'm not living outside and I'm going to have someone to keep me warm. I'm going to be bored. You know what gets boring, Skype dates, talking about this future that seems like it was never going to come, eating alone, going to bed alone. I get to date him and do things with him and make up for things we have missed out on. That's not boring. What if we fight? We are adults, we will talk it out. I've spent 16 months forcing us to talk out any fight because we can't just hug it out or take a walk or vent silently. Ugh.

It just seems like everyone is focusing on the "negative" things. Rarely do I hear that they are happy that I get to be happy or that I'm growing up. Every time I mention my transfer I bring up that it's a promotion. Yea I was aiming for my current position out there but I ended up with a promotion, be happy for me. This whole relationship has felt like us against the world and to finally feel like things are falling into place but I'm still having to defend it is exhausting.

Am I the only one having this reaction? It's hard to stay positive about a huge change when no one else seems to be. Any advice?

Well, we're positive in place of their negative. So there's that. If you're absolutely 100% sure about this move then it doesn't matter what others say. Talk to your SO too. Let him know what's going on so you have his support as well. We're all rooting for you. I know I am. Congrats and good luck! I hope everything works in your favor.

[Unconditional]

I think this is lovely to hear! Sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders, all of your plans are thought out carefully. Also,yes it does get cold here, but not too hard to get used to it. Honestly if you feel like you're defending your reasons, it's because you are. They are attacking every single aspect to try to make you stay there, I'm sure they dont mean to, but they are. At this point, there's nothing you can do but ignore the negativity. They're so afraid of losing you that I don't think they see that they are hurting you and possibly your future.
Welcome to Michigan =)

[Hollandia]

You love him and he loves you and want to build a future together, that is what is important. There are no guarantees n life in anything. You are also lucky that you could always move back in with parents if you had a worse case scenario. Many of us do not, myself included. Call it a leap of faith, or leap of love, but don't we all have to take some types of leaps at some point to be with our partners?

Also, just because you are moving to him for now, does not mean the two of you are bound there for life. At some point you might move to your home town, or some other one or even another country. In 2014, many people don't just marry the guy down the road and live happily every ever in their hometown. As for the weather change, it is something you will just adjust too. Delaware had four prominent seasons going from upper 90 for months in summer to 2 feet of snow and ice storms in winter. In NL and Belfast all they pretty much have is rain and much damp cold and maybe 2 weeks of summer. I adapted. You won't be bored, you will make a life there, just as people do in all sorts of towns. You will speak the same language and you can make new work friends. Everyone has arguments but again, you have have your family as a solid plan B. I would have no problem moving to Michigan from Colorado at all. My friends and family had their quips to say and I am moving here "just for him". I can't legally work here till after we get married and much of the people did not speak the same language and sometimes I was quite bored. Bottom line is, for me, it is worth it. Bottom line for you is...........fill in the blanks.

Home is where your heart is, home is where your family is, and mine is where ever my SO is, on any part of the globe. It sounds like yours is too, Congrats on the upcoming move!

[Ahava]

Congrats on the up coming move!
You've been given some solid advice so I don't feel a need to add to it.
Maybe just try and not to let it get to you and forgive them, because like others have said they most likely don't realise they are hurting you.
Take care and enjoy the start of a new life together with your SO

[snow]

I get the same reaction from my big sister's little family. All of them think it is unreasonable for me to move to the states and that I am leaving them behind, how cruel of me. It hurts and makes me feel bad. She has her husband, a house and two kids right here, an hour from everyone else here. My fiance lives across the ocean and I am going the next step to be with him, get my house and our two children.
I get sick and tired of having to defend my decision. There is a million reasons why it is better and easier for me to move to the States, yet it is not easy at all, but all they see is that I am leaving them.

So at one point, I just decided to smile and politely tell them that I appreciate their concerns, but I have thought this through.

[Deez]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I feel a lot and a little less crazy about everything. It's so close I should be excited instead of upset.

[Unconditional]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I feel a lot and a little less crazy about everything. It's so close I should be excited instead of upset.

Yes, be excited, this is a fantastic opportunity for your future! =)
Cannot wait to hear all about your CD life ^-^

[Miasmata]

Don't feel guilty - Being overwhelmed is very understandable in such a situation. It's a huge deal, especially emotionally, so don't be ashamed!

I have faith in your future, though, and I think you can too. I wish you all the best! You can do it