Closing the Distance..and I'm anxious

[the_wanderer]

So bf and I have been dating for about 2 years now and have known each other for a bit longer. We met online and our entire relationship has been long distance. Roughly 1800 miles separate us. We have met now a handful of times and are set to close the distance in a few weeks.

The anxiety of it all might kill me. I'm not so much worried about us, but I am worried about moving so far away where I know no one, not being able to find a job, and oh yeah, not having a car. My current car is basically a death trap and can't make the drive and isn't worth having sent there. I foresee a lot of public transit in my future.

My family is also less than supportive, which I don't particularly give a fig about, but someone being supportive other than my SO would be nice.

All in all I know it's time to make the move and get on with life, but man, I wish it were less stressful and any and all support is so welcome at this point.

[Redheart14]

Once you're together, you can provide each other with support. You'll depend on him a lot until you find your feet. Starting again is hard but you'll be together so that's the main thing. At least you're committed to it and the public transport side of things (good on you ). Once you start meeting people and making friends you'll be set! I admire your courage to do this, even without the support of your family (sorry to hear about that). Love is worth the risk and you seem more than ready to make that plunge. Hope it goes better than you could ask for. Looking forward to an update

[sugarkane92]

Moving to a new place can be a stressful experience, but your SO seems to be very supportive and that will help a lot once you're together. It can also be exciting though, everything will be new to you and that gives you the opportunity to explore the place and meet new people, and my advice is to focus on that. Plan in advance what you're going to do when you get there. Look up what this new place has to offer, if there's anything interesting (museums, historic buildings and so on) that catches your eye, so that you'll have something to look forward to (besides closing the distance, of course). If you can't find a job right away, get a hobby, something that will keep you busy during the day. You could also get a pet, I talk from experience when I say they help a lot. Focusing on all these things should help you not only to settle in once you have moved, but to feel less anxious during the weeks preceding the big day. With this said, I wish you all the best

[VeraRyan]

I can only imagine the anxiety!
Me and my SO talk about closing the distance next summer. Both our families and friends are very supportive but it's still so hard.
I would be moving to the US all the way from the NL.
So thats halfway around the world. I will leave my job, my family, worlds greatest friends and grandmother behind.
I'm so nervous about it all too and it's not even close yet.
There's so much to take care of too...
But what always helps me is talking about how scared I get and nervous.
I always feel so much better after sharing my difficulties.
I would try and find a friend to confide in...
Goodluck!!

[BlueCat]

I think it's perfectly normal, and healthy to feel anxious about these sort of decisions. It's a big deal, and if you weren't anxious, I might wonder whether you didn't think it was a big deal. So I think you're fine

I'm sure the adjustment and moving away will be hard. Having spent two 6 month trips in my SO's country, I get what it's like to be isolated from friends and family and not be able to go wherever you want, whenever you want. My advice in that regard is along the lines of how people suggested hobbies, but find a group near you for that hobby. I'm a birder, and I was lucky that there was a local bloke who owned a bird related store and ran bird walks that I could participate in, and meet people at. It was good to get away from the isolated circle of his family (although he came with most times because he had to drive me) but just talking to other like minded people is a huge help. So I certainly recommend just finding a group like that close to you that meets regularly, for whatever it may be. In addition, scope out all the local places (if you haven't already), find a place within walking/riding/short bus ride distance that you can do some of your favourite things, get some of your favourite foods etc. Having somewhere to go is a big deal when you don't have a job or friends to see. It's easy to fall in a rut when you don't have a routine.

Best of luck, I'm very jealous!

[the_wanderer]

Thank you all for the thoughtful and supportive replies!

I hadn't even thought of what I was going to do all day before I find a job. You guys are right..I should find some sort of group that meets or people that share my hobbies. It would also probably be a great way to make friends. If all else fails though, I look forward to exploring things on my own.

I have moved a few times before (for college, work, etc.), but never so far away and without a job lined up or school to go to, to keep me busy.

My friends just don't want me to leave and my family likes my SO, but I know my mother feels that we should date longer before closing the distance or meet more. But meeting isn't easy what with the costs and vacation time and schedules. I also just feel like we could meet a million times in person and it isn't going to compare to me actually being there you know? I want to know what it's like to actually live a somewhat normal life with him.

[Petals]

Congratulations on finally closing the distance! Wow!

This is a big deal so your anxiety is normal as the other posters have said. Girl, go with an open mind and think positively. The transition won't be smooth, but take things one day at a time. The idea of finding interest groups is an excellent idea and will help you to feel at ease in the new environment faster.

I'm so jealous right now

[the_wanderer]

I've always been jealous of people who close the distance and I've stalked this board some in the past couple of years, but now that it's me doing it I just feel..overwhelmed. Probably because I have a lot yet to do because I may or may not be procrastinating.

We thought up until a few months ago he'd be moving to me! So I think maybe I'm just still in shock. After we first met in person and discovered that our online connection was there in person too, we always discussed him moving here. I was in grad school and couldn't move and also, kind of didn't want to.

But he landed the job opportunity of a lifetime a few hours away from his hometown about six months back so it just didn't make sense anymore for him to move here. I just finished my masters this past May and have been looking for a better job in my field, but nothing has come up so it just makes sense for me to move now since I'm in the middle of a career change anyways and what with him having a much better job now and being able to support us both indefinitely. Though I do have enough savings to pay my bills for months if it comes to it.

But I pretty much will take any job if nothing comes up in say a month or so in my field.

[R&R]

It is a bit overwhelming. In 2008, I moved from NH to CA, closing the distance and getting married. His family was/is great and his mom did a lot to help me feel welcome and comfortable. I think once you get there he's there and the reality sets in, you will really settle in. Getting a job and making new friends certainly helps in the transition. The two of you going out to explore the area and get to know your surroundings is good too. Though it's natural to worry, don't stress yourself out about "what-if's". Just go with it when you get there.

I'll be doing this for the second time next year. I'll be moving from NH to TX. It can't be all that bad if I'm willing to do again.