Moving In / Closing the distance simlutaneously

[randomnerd]

I have a question for those of you who have or are in the planning stages of closing the distance.

Did you move in with each other immediately or move and live in the same city and "date" for a while?

What was the timeframe of how long you had been dating and how much time you physically spent together?

[Isabellawithbells]

I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, right away. We had plans to live separately at first, but we couldn't stand to be apart still, and we didn't want to do it financially either. We had been together about 9 months I think, and had only met in person once technically, but we lived together for a whole month during that 'meet'.

[Starjasmin]

This is a great question and I'll be following the replies! I'm sorry I don't have an answer, rather I wonder about the same thing.
My SO has said if he could manage it financially (and get a work visa, but that's near impossible!), he would love to move nearby for 3-6 months, even a year and keep dating. Because though we love each other and communicate daily, we've found that there is an unspoken pressure on the couple of visits we've had so far, because being together in person is so rare, you know? I think things would feel more natural if there weren't all these highs and rushes of emotions every time we meet, which might inspire decisions we wouldn't otherwise make under more "normal" or steady circumstances. To be honest, I'm ready to marry him! Haha. But I respect his feelings and think dating locally is a great idea and can only help to solidify the relationship. In my humble opinion. I've recently discussed with him my moving there on a holiday visa to begin. But at the same time, moving to New Zealand for a year and leaving the stability and benefits of my 11 year career here already puts pressure on our relationship, doesn't it? Maybe I'm being super unhelpful here because we're at least a year or more away on closing the distance and so much can happen until then.
But thanks for asking a great question!

[snow]

We have been together for almost 2 and a half years. When I move to America, I will move right in with him. We have spent about half a year in person total.

[CanadianGirl]

I'll be moving in as soon as my visa is sorted out. We'll have been together for a little over 5 and a half years by then, and if you added together all our visits, it probably works out to half a year together in person. For us, we're using the fiancée visa, so we'll be getting married pretty soon after moving together.

I think if we were older, more financially established and didn't need the fiancée visa, I'd prefer moving closer before moving in together. Partially to get the experience of dating him like that but mostly to ease the transition from being apart to being married.

[differentcountries]

We have semi-closed the distance, in that we rented together this season. We started doing that after having been together 7-8 months, having seen each other not that much - we wanted to start living together part time to we could see each other more. From April this year, I have been there about 2 1/2 months. We plan to live together next year and also we will see each other at least one week a month, I think this time next year we will have had seen each other about 7 months in total. After that he will do compulsory military duty, I will see him as much as I'm allowed, up to one week a month. My wish he can come here to study after 2 1/2 years together and 8-10 months of this CD.

I would not see the point of living in the same city as SO and not live with him. My only dillemma is really, shall we have two flats so I can live with them seperately, or should we all get one big flat/house and live together? I feel both scenarios have their appeal.

[Petals]

We have been communicating for 1 yr and 3 months, but officially dating since April and have had 2 fairly long visits. When we close the distance late next yr or early 2016, we will be moving in together and married within 3 months of my move.

If you have the opportunity to move to his city but live separately for awhile then I suggest you do that. That arrangement will surely help the transition process and should benefit your relationship greatly. Many of us don't have that option due to visa restrictions, so we have to do what it takes to be together - risking it all.

[Sanja]

When we closed the distance, I moved in with my SO right away. If you have an opportunity to live separately in the same city and "date" for a while, I see nothing wrong with it.

[R&R]

When we close the distance next year, we plan on moving in together immediately and married shortly before or after. Next month is our one-year anniversary. (We dated previously for about 6 months - so I guess really a total of 18 months.) After our visit next month, we'll have about a month of in person visits. By the time we move in together, I'd like to have 2 to 3 months of time together in person.

[randomnerd]

Thanks for the responses. I also lurk on another forum that seems pretty harsh on (1) LDR couples that met online, (2) Moving in while closing the distance, so I wanted to hear from you guys.

I agree, for those of you who have to cross country borders it's different. I think, in our case, it makes most financial sense for us to move in when we close the distance, but for his sake (he's never lived with anyone) it would probably make it easier to transition if we just lived in the same city first. We'll discuss it when I'm out there next week.

[p_b82]

While I know I would much prefer to live seperately when it is time to close the distance I am pretty sure it is not going to happen.

What I hope to do, is to get some net sorted at my GF's and take advantage of the visa waiver program and do my work from her's for a couple of months in a few stints - I will be stuck without a car for most the time, and living with her, her 5 kids and her dog working mostly EU hours (as I am employed as an EU consultant)

This should let me work out how to deal with the main move when it gets closer to the time and answer that question of do I live nearby or just move right in.

This is of course assuming that my work is happy for me to do so - they may get me to do some US work while over, but still being paid in the UK. Not sure if this trip would be as a tourist or for business, but I would need to make sure the 'correct' option is selected closer to the time!

I am also some-one that is used to my own space, I lived alone for 2 years before I met my ex, and after that ended I have been living alone again, so it is going to be a huge culture shock for me I am 99% sure!

[squeeker]

By the time my SO and I are able to close the distance, we will definitely just move in together seeing as we'll have been together for 5+ years (likely 6-7 at least by then). We have spent about 7 months together in person so far, where we basically lived together, and will spend about 2 months come this next summer so that's 9 months plus maybe one or two more visits before we close the distance and so probably almost a year in person visits before we permanently close the distance. It is definitely different when looking at international versus domestic within the same country relationships, I think, and also how fast you are able to close the distance.. if you can close it relatively fast (like within a year or two) it would make more sense to live apart in the same city and date a bit longer, though it all depends on your relationship and how you are as a couple. You don't want to rush things.