CD fears

[Cristiana]

Speaking mostly to the ones who already closed the distance or for anyone who shares this same fear.

Im scared of closing the distance and lose those emotions and enthusiasm that overwhelm us everytime we meet. I think "And what if once we close the distance, seeing each other everyday isnt so exciting like when we meet after a long time? And all that happiness was caused by the reconciliation?".
The fact that I love him is one of the very few certainties I have, and the thought of living with him is simply fantastic, but I sometimes run into this thoughts.

To the ones who are now CD, did you feel this? What happened instead?

And to the others who are now LD, do you have this thoughts too sometimes?

[snow]

No, I actually am really looking forward to living with him and we're closing the distance in just 2 weeks ♥
Then again, I only had the luxury of him being off work for our first visit, so I have a good idea what our life is going to be like when he is working 30 hours a week and our life is not as filled with trips and little adventures like it was the first 11 days I have been with him.

[Sanja]

I'm going to be honest and say, of course things are different when you are together every day. You get to see each other and spend time together. You also learn about each other's habits that aren't that obvious while LD. All of a sudden, you realize you're not alone and you make decisions together. Whether CD or LD, life isn't always going to be perfect, but loving and supporting each other helps you get through everything. Don't let the fears discourage you.

[differentcountries]

Seeing each other everyday isn't going to be as exiting as that AMAZING moment when you see each other again after what seems like forever. But it can still be pretty good. Change makes life exiting. Waiting for someone is exiting. At the same time, spending a lot of time makes for closeness and knowing each other. LD is perhaps more of the first, CD more of the other, but in a relationship you always need both. I find that in a longer relationship, it ebbs and flows. When you live together, it is important to have your own life, that way you bring change, and you have time apart, and then being together is exiting again. It is also good to have things you like to do together, like a hobby, maybe travel somewhere from time to time. My parents in the 60s still think it is fun to go places together, they have lived together for more than 30 years.

If I close the distance with SO, it will be my 3rd live-in-relationship, it will be SOs first. We already half live together in Turkey, we rented an appartment together this season. Living with someone will bring on a certain ammount of dullness. It is inivitable. I used to think that washing my SOs clothes was super charming, after close to a year of meeting him every month it is, well it is closer to just being a chore. In the beginning, I LOVED to go grocery shopping with SO, "like a real couple". Now, sometimes when we go grocery shopping it annoys me that we have to go every day because he prefers everything to be fresh (I was raised to shop only twice a week). At the same time, I discover new things about him. I show him new things about me. Last visit he said he was amazed that I know how to make bernaise sauce from scratch, he doesn't know anyone who knows how to do that. He amazes me how close he is to the cat; he can sit still for hours because she is sleeping in his lap and he doesn't want to wake her. I have discovered how very deep his mind works, but also how very funny he is. He has seen me sick and not flinched. I have seen him at work a million times, I have seen the season change and him change with it. Now he says he really wants to see me work, he is curious about my Norwegian life, I guess also what kind of Norwegian life we could have together.

I WAS actually kind of worried, because this whole us living together thing just sort of escalated from this idea I had. I knew that, not only had he never lived with a girlfriend before, he had never lived on his own before. The first month in the flat he did not even unpack his bag (I did it for him in the end). When I was not there, he sometimes thought it was great, sometimes he got lonely (but then he learned how to invite friends, and got the cat). I was expecting us to fight over triflets, or have disagreements over stuff in the flat, but nothing. The only thing that really happened was him getting a sort of "oh, we are really doing this" and "oh, we will soon have been together a year". He never celebrated aniverseries with anyone before, he never had a serious relationship, never fell in love. So it is very new to him, wheras to me it is, of course amazing, but I have done it before so it doesn't shock me.

He and I actually talked about the whole ways of things being boring/amazing. I told him, of course we are going to get bored. Life is in part very boring. Paying your taxes is boring, taking out the trash is boring, washing the dishes is boring, but it has to be done. Life is more wonderful when you are with someone you love, but those things are still going to be pretty dull! So it is better to just accept that, make some routines for getting the boring stuff out of the way and making more space for fun and interesting stuff. Yes, and the sex only gets better. That makes up for a whole lot

[R&R]

My SO and I are planning on closing the distance next year. For me, the nervousness doesn't come from worrying about losing the excitement of seeing each other after a break but more of the being together every single day. There are so many times that I get home and just want to decompress and I lose that opportunity when I live with someone. I crave alone time to read, relax and just unwind. He's aware of this and says to just tell him if I need the time. He does work really long days and I'm hoping from when I get home until he gets home allows me this much needed alone time.

[p_b82]

It is a totally justified fear, and one that is making my GF and I wonder whether we should do the move iteratively (eg move close by but have my own place first) or just 'jump' in. Both have merits for different reasons

that said where she lives right now, there is not space for me as well, so I could never move into her place and we are not in a position for me to close the distance as I would need a VISA first to do that!