Preferred method when handling finances

[vicks5721]

People are jealous. You will always want what the other person has or you will want something equal. I've seen it with my parents and I've seen it with my sister and her husband. It's just not worth the hassle.
We agreed that we can spend a certain amount of money on things here and there every week without even telling the other person, which is for going out with friends, buying little gifts, hobbies, etc., but if it is something bigger we want, we will discuss the finances and if we can afford it. It's still our money, not mine or his.

I have a different opinion, I don't think it is about jealousy at all, it is fine to have separate bank accounts. What I mean is we will put both our money together to pay the bills, trips together, travel costs like to go back to England for visits that will be what comes as top priority, so we will be doing that jointly, then anything left over we can have for our separate hobbies and activities. In our relationship we don't care about material things, what is more important is quality time together and with friends and family members. We have hobbies of course, but it is not important in our lives to a huge extent. We will discuss about bigger items if we can afford it of course that is a good idea, it won't cause problems at all, I know him and we talk through everything. Yes I agree it is ours shared, we will share out whatever money we have left over after bills.

[vicks5721]

Oh yeah and also we will have our joint account for buying groceries and when we need clothes and other essentials. That is another thing neither of us are crazy shoppers, we both only buy clothes and shoes when we need them, I personally only have 4 pairs of shoes, two are worn out and I will throw away, and then I have two pairs of boots, one pair I was given in 2009. So my point is I am not concerned at all that he will go shopping and he doesn't have to worry about me either.

[Petals]

Oh yeah and also we will have our joint account for buying groceries and when we need clothes and other essentials. That is another thing neither of us are crazy shoppers, we both only buy clothes and shoes when we need them, I personally only have 4 pairs of shoes, two are worn out and I will throw away, and then I have two pairs of boots, one pair I was given in 2009. So my point is I am not concerned at all that he will go shopping and he doesn't have to worry about me either.

Off topic...


Omg! 4 pairs of shoes!! Oh wow lol I need a room for all my shoes haha...Just had to chime in there lol. That number was just shocking

Back to regular scheduling program haha...

[vicks5721]

Off topic...


Omg! 4 pairs of shoes!! Oh wow lol I need a room for all my shoes haha...Just had to chime in there lol. That number was just shocking

Back to regular scheduling program haha...

Yep I tend to go off topics and ramble lol, yeah really I only have 4 pairs, I don't care about owning loads of them.

[snow]

I have a different opinion, I don't think it is about jealousy at all, it is fine to have separate bank accounts. What I mean is we will put both our money together to pay the bills, trips together, travel costs like to go back to England for visits that will be what comes as top priority, so we will be doing that jointly, then anything left over we can have for our separate hobbies and activities. In our relationship we don't care about material things, what is more important is quality time together and with friends and family members. We have hobbies of course, but it is not important in our lives to a huge extent. We will discuss about bigger items if we can afford it of course that is a good idea, it won't cause problems at all, I know him and we talk through everything. Yes I agree it is ours shared, we will share out whatever money we have left over after bills.

See and here is the thing. If it is "yours shared and you will share out whatever money you have left after bills", then why not just have it in one account? I am not saying you have to, but your reasoning does not show why it is a good idea to have money in separate accounts. The only reason, to me, why it would make sense is when you don't trust your SO. I know my sister has been burned before and left to sit on huge debt and I know that is the reason why she keeps her money in a separate account, just to make sure it doesn't happen again, but when you get married you should trust your SO enough with your money as they trust you with theirs.

Also, how are you going to split the bills? Is it going to be exactly 50:50, or is it going after the difference in what you earn? What if he earns twice as much as you, will he pay twice as much towards the bills? What if he earns 10 times as much as you?

[vicks5721]

See and here is the thing. If it is "yours shared and you will share out whatever money you have left after bills", then why not just have it in one account? I am not saying you have to, but your reasoning does not show why it is a good idea to have money in separate accounts. The only reason, to me, why it would make sense is when you don't trust your SO. I know my sister has been burned before and left to sit on huge debt and I know that is the reason why she keeps her money in a separate account, just to make sure it doesn't happen again, but when you get married you should trust your SO enough with your money as they trust you with theirs.

Also, how are you going to split the bills? Is it going to be exactly 50:50, or is it going after the difference in what you earn? What if he earns twice as much as you, will he pay twice as much towards the bills? What if he earns 10 times as much as you?

I was just saying my opinion and really I am talking about for us as a couple, so there is no reason for you to react like you did, every couple is different and does what works for them.
I think you misunderstood what I mean, we will have separate wages and they will go into our separate bank accounts, so what I meant is whatever we have left after bills, yes we will pay the bills 50/50 exactly and Im sorry what happened to your sister, but that doesn't mean it will happen to us.It isn't about not trusting each other, it is about we are individuals as well as a couple, like for example I know he will never have an interest in crafts and he will teach me how to fish, but it is still his hobby not mine. I am not worried about differences in what we may or may not earn, we are not going to be concerned about it later either. Sorry I have to say it is our personal choice the way we will handle our finances. Thanks for your opinion though regardless.

[Petals]

Re bills: we had loosely talked about sharing utilities 70/30 since he makes a lot more than I do.

For people who have separate savings, how do you deal with retirement savings?

Is it done separately?
Do you have a retirement savings goal as a couple? Do you discuss how much each person needs to save etc?

Will you continue to split bills once you retire regardless of who has more savings?

Sorry for all the questions, but I realize what little experience I have in this area, especially as it relates to 1st world countries. In my country of origin, couples merge all finances. In addition, the retirement payout (social security ?) from govt is grossly insufficient so private retirement fund is crucial.

I will do a lot of reading and speak to financial advisers etc, but I'm curious about real couple experience.

Thanks for sharing

[snow]

I was just saying my opinion and really I am talking about for us as a couple, so there is no reason for you to react like you did, every couple is different and does what works for them.
I think you misunderstood what I mean, we will have separate wages and they will go into our separate bank accounts, so what I meant is whatever we have left after bills, yes we will pay the bills 50/50 exactly and Im sorry what happened to your sister, but that doesn't mean it will happen to us.It isn't about not trusting each other, it is about we are individuals as well as a couple, like for example I know he will never have an interest in crafts and he will teach me how to fish, but it is still his hobby not mine. I am not worried about differences in what we may or may not earn, we are not going to be concerned about it later either. Sorry I have to say it is our personal choice the way we will handle our finances. Thanks for your opinion though regardless.

Oh, don't get me wrong! I am not saying it will happen to you! I am just saying this is the only reason I could imagine why you would have separate accounts. I just feel like it causes more trouble than it should avoid.

[rhabdoviridae]

So we've been married for a year and a half and just closed the distance...and we're still figuring things out. He makes a lot more than I do (I'm a student for another six months, so I'm at essentially zero income) and will for at least the short term future. He's currently paying our bills (although they aren't too big as we're living with family so no rent, etc).

Our plan for once we get out on our own in 6mos is that he will pay for our living expenses while I put a dent in my student debt. Extra money can go to fun stuff for both of us, although I'd like to be able to contribute at least something to our monthly expenses. Then, when I'm making a more respectable salary in 5-8 years, I'll start contributing more and more toward monthly expenses to the point where we're essentially contributing equally. I imagine that eventually we'll just say meh and combine it all :P

[differentcountries]

I don't think allowances are good for relationships, nor do I think that you should have your own little stash of money. I had that with my ex and it created more problems than it was supposed to eliminate.

I would say from all the drama I had with my ex, us having those little stashes of money of our own was probably the wisest thing we did. In fact, I bet money was the single one thing we never faught about, because there wasn't anything to fight about. She always had money for her hobbies, I had money for mine. I even used my little stash of money to take her out on dates, because I knew she liked surprises. Because she could be quite stingy, it never would have worked if I would suggest that we took one another out for a date, then she would be like oh, the food is too expensive in here, bla bla, but she loved to be spoiled. Also, when we gave each other gifts, it really felt like we were giving them, you know? Because every bill extra I spent on a gift for her, it would mean less money to spend on myself, so it would actually be a sacrifice as opposed to just paying from an account that was hers too.

[Alsfia]

We've lived together since July now and I have basically paid everything, mainly because I was the one with a steady income. I haven't had anything against it at all, we have been living in a really affordable place and I have a good pay, so we haven't really had any money worries. Most of the stuff my SO has bought has been with his own money that he had in his British bank account, but whenever I've had cash I've given him some since he does pick up food for us and stuff.

We only recently got my SO a bank account and due to some stupid regulations it seems to be impossible/very difficult to allow him to get codes to the net bank, so we linked his account to mine, which means I have direct access to his account and he will have to mine (though he can't move any money without the pin codes I have on a list, which can be a hassle), it has proved very useful since he recently ordered me a skiing helmet and bought me a jacket that I wanted to pay him back for. Earlier he has used an account I didn't use for anything in a different bank, and it has all worked fine. We do have separate savings accounts but he has access to mine via the net bank and I know roughly what he has in his anyway, we do see it as our own money but we have mainly saved up to go travelling together with it so we will both enjoy it

Once we are out of uni/living together permanently (whichever comes first) it will depend largely on were we live and how much we earn to decide who pays for what. If we end up in Finland I suspect we will continue with separate accounts but linked net banks since it's just so handy (we will one way or another get him net bank codes and most likely link my accounts to his then and there), but I have no idea how we will do if we live in England since I don't know the system as well.

[p_b82]

I've been thinking about this a bit and I still would not want to completely merge accounts, I just see it as being far too much trouble in the long run due to the possible arguments that might arise if one spends frivolously vs one that is more cautious. and we are all individuals who want to spend things in our own ways.

Maybe it is because I have always had control over my own money, and put things away to save for the future, as well as buy the things I like 'now', that I just cannot see me giving up that control myself to anyone. That is not to say I would not willingly give my money to my partner; I do this already to help her make ends meet!

[faith_patience_believe]

We've talked about it a couple of times and agree that it is a good idea to have a main shared account for savings. As for checking accounts, I'm not really sure what we'd do about that. I do know that when I have children, I want to raise them at home in their early years, so I won't have much of an income if any to contribute during those years. I think when a couple gets married, they should think of it as "our money" not "mine" or "yours." I'm all for being as united as possible. I also think that you should only be marrying someone when you really believe that you can trust them in a situation of sharing money like that.

[differentcountries]

Oh, don't get me wrong! I am not saying it will happen to you! I am just saying this is the only reason I could imagine why you would have separate accounts. I just feel like it causes more trouble than it should avoid.

My aunt (married to my mum's big brother) has a baby sister whos (now ex-) husband was able to tap into all her savings precicely because they had no seperate accounts. He spent her entire inheritance from her parents and now the money is gone. There is no single way of handling money that can prevent one from running into bad times or bad people.

[snow]

My aunt (married to my mum's big brother) has a baby sister whos (now ex-) husband was able to tap into all her savings precicely because they had no seperate accounts. He spent her entire inheritance from her parents and now the money is gone. There is no single way of handling money that can prevent one from running into bad times or bad people.

Like I said, if you don't trust the person, don't get a joint account. I know, even if my man and I decided to get a divorce, neither of us would simply claim all the money or take it and leave without telling the other person. I am not judging people who have separate accounts, I just feel like they are unnecessary if you really trust your partner.