how to handle family worries

[jdmitch3]

Hey all - I am new this community and have read several threads in which it really seems like a wonderful support. My SO and I have been dating for 4 months now. Out of this time frame we have spent about 6 weeks total together. We communicate daily through phone, texts, or skype. He lives in San Francisco and I am in Illinois. We have met each of our families and have a super healthy relationship. Currently I am finishing up grad school (done September 2015).

We have had discussions about our future and are both willing to move for one another once I am done with school - and we would be at one year in our relationship. I wouldn't think twice about leaving Illinois if it weren't for my family. We are so close in our relationships. I live 4 miles from one of my sisters. My mom is about 30 mimites away. And many close friends are nearby. But I know I would love SF with him and so many opportunities are available in comparison to my location.

My mom initially felt a lot of anxiety and almost hurt when I mentioned the thought of moving. She is fine now I think after several conversations - but I think she is still harboring those feelings somewhat. I think she just has fears about herself getting older. Which will be less time for us to see each other. And I think this fear began once my dad died 2 years ago. I share these worries too - even though she is healthy. Just natural fears. My sisters and friends immediately responded with their genuine interest in me just being happy. We also have several mutual friends - which is how we met.

So I guess my question is : how have you prepared yourself for a long distance move from those you love and not feel guilty? What ways do you keep family close when you are 2k miles away? I just don't want them to feel like they don't matter! i am thankful we have 8 months to figure all of this out in a healthy way for everyone. Just any advice on closing the distance would be appreciated.

[differentcountries]

Do the nice LD things for your family. Skype. Visit as often as you can. Send gifts and letters. Updates on what happens in your life. If your mum feels lonely she could consider moving with you.

[p_b82]

I have a similar thing with my family, but it is my dad not taking it so well....

Ultimately as i have been advised by uncles and friends, it is my life, I can't live it just to keep my dad happy, if it means that I am not happy myself - as that will breed resentment.

I plan to stay in regular contact, as much as I can and just hope he doesn't sulk too much at the time I move, as if he does it will be a shame, but not much I can do about it.

He always thought I would be around to look after my mum when he was gone, and so this changes all his ideas

[Unicorn26]

I understand his you feel but ultimately this is your life. As a mum myself, my children's happiness comes first. It's not like you're an only child, your sisters are near to your mum too, she can have support from them. Anyway, although you're not close by, you are still in the same country and can fly back if there's an emergency.

I think you need to be open with your mum about this, tell her you're really happy with this guy and you feel this us the right thing to do. You can't put your life on hold just because your mum wants you near to her. That's not fair on you.

If I didn't have children, I'd have relocated to USA to be with my SO (who is also in Illinois btw). I am VERY close to my parents and siblings, they live a few streets away and we see each other all the time. However, there is no way they would ever stand in the way of me being happy with a wonderful man who totally adores me. It's so much easier to keep in touch these days with Skype etc I have members of my family who are all over the world, my uncle and aunty moved to Australia and left behind their daughter and grandchildren, they Skype regularly and it's ok. My sister in laws parents live in Spain, same thing, left behind daughters and grandchildren... Skype is their saviour.

Do what feels right. Your mum needs to let you go, you're an adult, this is your life and you deserve to be happy. If she wants to be with you that much she can move to SF. The climate is way better than IL!!!