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Coping with what happens after LDR

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    #1

    Coping with what happens after LDR

    Me and my boyfriend have recently moved to the same city (finally). We have been basically living together for the past 4 months since we both started university. I love being together all the time, I crave it in fact. I beat myself up for getting overly emotional and crying when we aren't together and not sleeping in the same bed. I have became overly attached I suppose. I just feel that when we are apart we are missing out on each others lives again and not being able to fully experience everything with each other like I want to be able to do. It semi breaks my heart that I don't really want him to leave me alone at night... I don't really know what to do. It's pathetic.

    I should probably make it clear that I don't mean just being apart for classes and work I mean being apart longer than a couple of hours, I mean when we're apart for days again.
    Last edited by charly2296; January 27, 2015, 10:51 PM.
    Tags: unsure
    #2
    Do you mean that you get scared you will have to do LD again?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Yes, I'm so scared... We're moving in with each other soon and have planned it out, but I still worry.

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        #4
        IMHO, you have some severe co-dependency issues going on. What you are describing is not healthy at all. Do they have counseling that you can utilize at the university?
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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          #5
          Why do you say that? Yes they do, why?

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            #6
            Needing to be with someone 24/7 and crying because you won't see them for a few hours, even when you know the other person is required to be elsewhere (work, class, etc), and will, in fact, return, needs an unbiased third party to intervene.

            ETA: being sad, however, because you enjoyed your time together and don't want it to end, is reasonable. But crying after and being depressed about it... not so much.


            2016 Goal: Buy a house.
            Progress: Complete!

            2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
            Progress: Working on it.

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              #7
              Just a question, did you both move further away or did one of you move to the other and if yes, who?

              EDIT:
              Judging by your age, I assume that you just moved out of your childood home. That, together with starting university can be a little overwhelming. That being sad I am not sure if intervention really is needed yet.

              The simple truth is: suck it up. you're a grown up now, and that means just following every hint of emotions is irresponsible. not only is it bad for yourself, you are also potentionally ruin your boyfriends life if he has to worry/feel bad for you everytime he has to leave for some reason. either of you can't stop taking on opportunities regarding jobs, friends and experiences because you can't rationalise yourself over feelings you clearly know yourself are pretty unreasonable. In other words: Stop acting like a spoiled brat that diesnt get her candy at the supermarket counter fake it till you make it. once you start sucking it up eventually routine will teach you that everything is absolutely fine.

              however, if you absolutely don't manage to do that, this speaks of levels of insecurity about your life that noone deserves to live with. It would affect all of your future life and the sooner you do something about it the better. therapy and councelling can help you to find the roots of such insecurities and help you learn ways to battle them.

              From what I have read tho, I think you mainly have some growing up to do. most of the time we just don't get what we want. We all have to learn to live with that.

              Another thing to think if is: Some people just cry because of every little thibg because its an outlet. It doesnt mean its unhealthy, it just means lack of self control. the problem with it is mainly the effect it has on other people that associate crying with a serious problem. You have the responsibility to consider this.
              Last edited by ronjaandbirk; January 27, 2015, 10:37 PM.

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                #8
                Originally posted by charly2296 View Post
                Me and my boyfriend have recently moved to the same city (finally). We have been basically living together for the past 4 months since we both started university. I love being together all the time, I crave it in fact. I beat myself up for getting overly emotional and crying when we aren't together and not sleeping in the same bed. I have became overly attached I suppose. I just feel that when we are apart we are missing out on each others lives again and not being able to fully experience everything with each other like I want to be able to do. It semi breaks my heart that I don't really want him to leave me alone at night... I don't really know what to do. It's pathetic.
                All of these reasons are why I said what I did. This is very unhealthy. A relationship is there to enhance your life - not be your life. You should be able to function as a person and feel fulfilled in your life completely on your own and then your partner should add to that.
                To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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                  #9
                  I stated within my post that I get like that when we aren't together, meaning in the same city for more than just a couple of hours, meaning days. I do not get emotional when my boyfriend has classes or work... I don't need to be with him 24/7, I'm rather independent, is it really a crime to want to make up for the lost time of sleeping in the same bed and getting fond of waking up next to the person you love in the morning? Most people idealize that concept. I'm not in a co-dependent relationship, if I was I would be showing different "signs". I do not need a psychologist to tell me exactly what I already know, that I'm not in a co-dependent relationship...

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                    #10
                    I moved closer to him technically although he changed universities to get into the same as me

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                      #11
                      Ahh ok, the fact you are speaking days does change things. It didnt come across that well in your first post.

                      Maybe you just have to look at it from a different angle and have to stop seeing your long distance time as a period where you have lost time that you need to make up for. You did get together, you got to know each ither, you made each others lives richer. Thats a beautiful thing, it means you gained alot during that time, you didnt lose anything. The fact you managed long distance for long enough to close the distance, shows you value each other for alot more than a pretty daily life together. Of course life together now is even sweeter but it will get a routine soon enough. i think people idealise the concept of waking up next to each other only if they are in the fresh honeymoon phase or in ldrs.
                      Remember that your relationship is about alot more than being close, and you don't have to make up for anything. You just have more to enjoy now.

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                        #12
                        My husband used to be like that a lot. We are still not that used to be apart, apart from when I am in Turkey. If we are apart for more than a week it is weird for me too. It sounds to me like you might need a strategy to deal when he is away for a few days. Could it help to get a pet, perhaps? Or extra pillows in the bed?
                        Last edited by differentcountries; January 28, 2015, 12:31 AM.
                        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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