Anxiety/Excitement

[ghosts]

My partner and I are starting to talk more seriously about closing the distance and I'm not sure how to feel. One one hand I'm extremely excited-I want nothing more than to be with him in England. I already have semi established myself in the country and tbh I have more friends and networking opportunities for work there not to mention a stronger emotional connection to the country than the one I was born in. We've been looking at the visa options and it's incredibly confusing. I see a lot of websites that throw around words like "Marriage visa" and "Fiance visa" and on the gov.uk website there are no visas by those names. There are marriage visitor visas that are, as I understand it, for people who want their wedding in the UK but do not want to stay after the wedding. Then there is a Joining Family in the UK visa which is for fiances AND spouses and can also be used for bringing other family members to the UK. So to say the least that has been incredibly confusing. I don't want to mess it up! I've spoken to immigration advisers but there's SO much paperwork. When we first started talking about it, it was incredibly exciting and I mean, it still is, but I've found myself in a place of some very intense anxiety. I want this and have been wanting this for so long. Now that we are talking about it my brain is panicking and I have so many panic attacks (I have PTSD and Panic disorder :c booo lame) that try to convince me to escape! D: And that he's a horrible person (?!?!why?!?) and blowing up small arguments we've had in the past and forgetting the good times we've had and the good parts of the relationship (there are so many why am I doing this to myself??!). I have to lie down when this happens and talk myself down. He's not a horrible person and when I am not having these attacks I really feel like he's the most wonderful person-it's just dulled a little bit because it's hard to feel much of anything after having such an intense panic attack. I feel like I'm self sabotaging. I don't understand why. Moving to the UK and living with him would alleviate so much of our pain. I've never had a stronger connection to someone. I've never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with him, but it's been so hard recently. We had a, well, not a bad visit a few weeks ago, but we had to talk through where we wanted the relationship to go and it was really intense. We felt like we'd wasted precious time that we'd waited so long for and it felt so rushed when he had to leave after three weeks. Little arguments seemed bigger because we wanted the time to be perfect. It just gets harder and harder every time we leave each other and the visits feel more and more like they're never enough time. So why do I feel so anxious? I don't have any reason to feel like he's not the one I want to be with. I'm so afraid. I have told him about the anxiety since talking more seriously about closing the distance and he's been nothing but supportive but I want to deal with it mostly on my own. I even have anxiety about HAVING anxiety about it! I just know that this is what I want, so why do I feel this way? Maybe I'm nervous too cos I don't know anyone else going through this with someone. Does anyone resonate with this? I feel like a lot of it is excitement translating into anxiety but does anyone have similar experiences? I want everything to work out and be alright with him. I don't want to ruin a good (amaaazing!) thing.

[Kapwned]

Yeah not a lot of countries have fiancee visas, but the US does. Marriage visas might also be worded as something like "sponsorship."

To put it simply, as a basic guide for getting a visa in any country, your best odds are work visas and marriage visas. You are not allowed to look for work while physically within a country unless you already have a visa or are a citizen, so job searching will have to take place in the US, not during a visit. This is the least secure of the two as often companies will hire locally before hiring overseas since hiring someone who does not have a visa requires a lot of paperwork and government approval. And if you lose your job you risk losing your visa and face deportation.

Or, you can get married and he can sponsor you. This usually involves him having to prove that he can financially support the two of you. Or in some cases, your in-laws can do it, but they will then have to prove that they can financially support both you and him.

The processes usually take 6 months to a year, but for a lot of couples it takes longer because they have to prep themselves (such as finding the income and getting the money for the fees).

[differentcountries]

My country doesn't have a "marriage" visa either, just fiance (get married within 6 months) or family reunion (for your spouse weather married in your country of elsewhere. But you can't marry and stay, you have to apply seperately and it might take up to a year).

If the website is that confusing, is there a phone number you can call to ask someone directly? At least in my country, the words "I really want to fill out this form right" tend to generate a lot of help, as there is nothing they hate more than mistakes or wrongly filled out papers.

[Moon]

The site you should research is visajourney.com, their biggest focus is on visas for people in UK/US relationships. Regardless, it can be really confusing, and you'll need to do a lot of reading. Good luck.

[80anthea]

Have you looked at the requirements for spousal visas. The main one is that they've increased the amount of money the uk partner has to be earning. You're very young and so unless your SO has a pretty decent paid job at a young age (if so, lucky him!) then you'd better start saving up sooner rather than later.