closing the gap without Ever meeting first

[ATLbear]

Well first let me say that me and my SO been in a relationship for 3 years. she's from California and will be turning 19 soon and I am 24 and lives in Georgia. We initially met on a social site and instantly from the from the first hello I knew I found my soulmate. we have never actually met due to financial hardship and scheduling. Life has dealt her a difficult hand to play with and I have been right here by her side through it all. She's tired of having to rely on phone text and being on oovoo for hours to feel love and honestly I feel the same way. She feels like leaving California and coming to Georgia and starting a life together. even though we never actually met we completely know eachother front and back better than anyone. We are deeply in love and are hoping to eventually get married and starting a family. she has not too long ago finished high school so she really hasn't established anything out there in California post high school so she really has nothing to lose. we are seriously considering doing this, well we are Seriously about to do this. is this a bad idea

[lucybelle]

Yes it is a bad idea.

[ATLbear]

how bad of an idea

[R&R]

Granted, I was older when I made a move after only spending a total of just under 3 weeks together. I moved 3,000 miles, away from family, friends & job to an area I didn't know well and with someone I loved very much. However, that was NOT enough time at all. You need visits - plenty of visits. She needs an opportunity to get to know your area first. You are both so young - there is no need to rush.

[snow]

Depends, are you moving in together or is she just moving to your state/city?

I'm all for taking chances at a young age and taking risks, moving to different places and making a life out there, but does she have any savings to be able to live on her own?

Moving in together without ever even having been together in person could end pretty badly, mostly because someone has to move and take a huge leap of faith, but what if you two don't click? What if you notice things about each other that you didn't even think about before and they turn out to be deal breakers, what happens to the person who moves? Do you have an alternative plan for that?

[sasad]

Get to know each other first. Go on dates, experience life before rushing into something. Love is wonderful, but you don't really know how you will be together together. That's when out find out all the other little things that can normally drive you bonkers.im not saying that's bad..but what if she has issues belching in public or some annoying habits ��. That's what dating helps with.
You have not met yet. Learn to live as a couple first. Or meet first. Or if she wants to move there, find a job first, then a place to live. Lint to what R&R said.
Take your time and let your love grow first.

[ATLbear]

Well she has been saving up to help hold her over until she can find her a job out here.

[ATLbear]

the plan is for her to stay with me out here.

[R&R]

Well she has been saving up to help hold her over until she can find her a job out here.

But will you be living together right away? If you are, will you both be on the lease? What's your contingency plan if a few months in, one or both of you decides it's not working or she decides to head home? Are you able to manage on your own?

[Ella85]

I did this with my ex and I was 21. We got married 2 month's in and had been talking online for 4 years! Worst mistake of my life. I have a beautiful baby girl from that relationship but she got hurt badly when the relationship ended. This needs to have a lot of thought put into it or both of you will end up heartbroken. At least meet first and have a trial seeing how you both get on together.

[Mims27]

I don't think it's a very good idea. You may click online, but there is a chance you may not click in person. We've seen it happen on here a couple times. It does happen. I would suggest you try to meet each other at least ONCE before she packs up and moves. Because it would really suck for her if she did move and it just didn't work out.

[differentcountries]

Moving is a big change; one of you will move places, and both of you need to adjust to the other person. And to do that right upon meeting live for the first time...not a good idea. Even if you click amazingly, there are always adjustments, and you don't want to take all of them while at the same time having left your old life behind. If you have nothing to leave behind anyway, sure, go for it.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

This will probably make me unpopular here because there are a lot of people on here who haven't met their SO's and maintain relationships. Please know that I am in no way knocking those relationships. I have no right to judge other people's relationships. With that being said, being in person together is NOTHING like being on skype. I am very much in love with my SO. We have been together two years and were in love before we went LD. Skype is a great way of maintaining our emotional relationship. Yet every time we see each other after being apart for months at a time, we always have to re-fall in love again. Every. Single. Time. What does that tell me? That as much as the emotional relationship is great, the physical one does make a difference. Without having that physical relationship (and no I don't mean sex, I mean holding hands and hugging and just being in the same physical space), I find it very very hard to believe that someone can truly be in love with someone. You can love their personality and their emotional side, but there is more to love than that.

So my thought is this. Sure, have her move to you. If that's really what she wants and nothing is holding her back, then great! But absolutely, under no circumstances, should you move in together. Moving in together either makes the relationship stronger or tears it apart. When you have never met in person, you have a very very very small chance of being in the first group. Since you don't know this, I will tell you. It is hard enough adjusting to being with someone for visits. It is very hard being with someone 24-7 after not seeing them at all for months (or in your case ever). Good luck getting to know someone (because yes, you will have to get to know her again being in person) when you literally can't be away from them ever.

[Hollandia]

I would never do it and I knew I clicked with my SO before we met. You should never move anywhere just for a person until you are ready for long term commitment. If she will be happy there even if it does not work out, then she should move, if she would be miserable there without you, then she should visit first and then make a more informed decision. Nobody ever thinks they break up, 50 percent of US marriages do. This could be a costly gamble to her life.

LDRs, especially long ones, have a certain rhythm and have routines you get into, different from being in CD. CD will be an adjustment, it will be trying. It is for anyone used to one thing for 3 years and then it changes in a day. Your in the same country, I think a visit first time makes much more sense, can't you send her half the air for a cheap flight and have her come for a few week break instead? I don't know which airports your at, but a flight on southwest from LAX to ATL in December is running around 178 dollars.


***MOM ALERT*****
She is young. This is a major adult decision. Adults are not rash, as much as she wants to run and just be with you, the mom in me is saying you two really should meet first. Does it suck? Yeah, but is it the more prudent thing to do? I would say so. Split the cost and wait a bit more and make sure neither of you gets hurt by such a big move. I hate to say it, but many LDRs work and many don't in that adjustment. The more you know it will be long term, the more you know the move is right thing. I am older and I have done the move and it is much harder once you realize you miss your old home,so I will go a step further and say you don't uproot your life unless it is for a life long partner.

[Honour]

I'd say have at least 1-2 visits before considering doing something like this. You'd be taking a huge risk not having met your SO.