Closed the gap - but now I feel alone

[WailFin]

Let me preface this with a little bit of background information.

I've known my SO for over five years, have been best friends for four, and in a relationship since June 2014-ish. I turned 19 today. Before moving I had made two visits down - about a ~650KM trip one way - from NB Canada to MA United States. I'm pretty lucky, I kind of have dual-citizenship so moving hasn't been super difficult.

On September 19th, with about a month of planning, I made the final trek down with my trunk packed full, backseat filled with clothes, and closed the gap.

Previous to moving down I was NOT living with either of my parents, I haven't been since I was seventeen, and I was about a four hour drive away from where my mom is currently located. The only friends I had in the town I was living in were work friends - with whom I still communicate with because I still technically work there.

I didn't really leave much behind - and Ive been much more social with more people since moving here, but I feel SO alone and sad, and I don't even know why. It's just that very night when he's asleep, I'm laying there bawling my eyes out and trying to hide it from him.

I don't know why I'm like this. All I know is that it's frustrating and I don't like it.

Any ideas to help me out?

[Miasmata]

You can feel happy about being somewhere new and still miss where you've been before. Why do you want to hide that from your partner? It's a very reasonable feeling, and adjusting can take time. It's not a time you have to go through alone.

[ChloChlo]

Miasmata is absolutely right! Just because you are experiencing some sad and lonely feelings doesn't mean something is wrong. In fact, it's more natural. wouldn't it be weirder if you had NO sad feelings after completely changing your life and leaving everything behind?? I also agree though that you shouldn't have to hide these feelings from your SO. Indeed, maybe the fact that you feel you must hide the sadness is what is making them worse and contributing to the feeling of being alone: because you are experiencing these emotions alone. Talk to your SO, and give yourself permission to be sad. It's ok if you can't "bounce back" as though moving your whole life is no big deal! Honour your emotions.

[Hollandia]

I feel the same way. I think part of it is the finality of it too. I feel like I closed a door in life and I wish I could have kept it cracked, but on LDR usually mean one or the other. I am glad with path I took to be with my SO but I also am really sad of how it had to be done.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Living in a new place is definitely an adjustment. It will take time and that's perfectly okay! That's nothing to be ashamed of. Try your best to make this new place your home by going out and meeting people and starting a life there with school or work or whatever you're planning on doing. It won't feel like home until you have a routine. Hope it gets better!

[Petals]

It's normal to feel sad/alone after moving to a new place. I feel bouts of sadness ever so often though I am very happy in my marriage.

As the others have said, share your feelings with your SO; it definitely helps. Let him know that you are happy with decision you have made to be with him, but you feel a bit sad and lonely and need his support to help you deal with the adjustment of living in a new country.