When and how to have "the talk" about moving

[4am]

My boyfriend and I are at least in the same state. Thank goodness. But we're about an hour and a half apart. I am very rooted in my town. Have a child here and his dad. I love my town. His town (more of a big city) is kind of a hood. A little scary to me. I do not ever want to move there for any reason.

How can I approach this subject with him? How should we decide when it's time to move? He and I are serious. Perhaps one day, it will end in a bigger commitment, but we definitely have to get thru this first.

I'm more rooted than him, as I have a career here and he's working outside his chosen career right now.

[noodle]

I would just ask him once while talkin to him. Like that you'd really like to close the distance and what he thinks about it.
Im not sure if there is really any way to like bring it up or somethin but directly lol

[leonina]

If you guys are serious, I would see no problem in mentioning it in just a regular conversation. I would just drop hints like "I wish you lived here, I hate not seeing you as often as I would like." and maybe he would want to discuss it further.

[nicole]

yeah, I would sort of just slip it in, say " I wish you lived here...", the conversation will naturally progress. It worked for my SO and I, we lived together for 2 months before I left and I don't actually remember having the "Want to move with me" conversation.

[maielle]

If you two are serious I think you should be able to just ask if you could discuss about it. Just discuss without any need to make a decision right away. You could say that you were thinking about this and you would like to know his opinion. It's not harder than that.

[paulawriteslove]

If you guys are serious, I would see no problem in mentioning it in just a regular conversation. I would just drop hints like "I wish you lived here, I hate not seeing you as often as I would like." and maybe he would want to discuss it further.

I agree with this. I think you should be able to bring it up in a casual conversation. I also think that you should just tell him how you feel. It makes sense for you to stay where you are because you have more stable where you live. Best of luck!

[Mio]

I would say things like how much easier-better-reasonable it is for you to live there. Or you can go the direct way. Ask him if he ever thought about ending the distance someday, and I am sure the conversation will flow out of it!

[Tabitha]

We had the discussion 4 months ago. A full year before he will actually move here (next May). I would just casually bring it up as others have suggested. It will progress naturally from there.

[Snow.Patrol]

Personally I feel that if you ask a casual question, or phrase it in a casual manner, you're much more likely to get a casual response. Obviously this is a big moment in any partnership and it deserves a good deal of time and effort from both parties. Communication is by far the most important thing in any relationship, especially a long distance one, and without strong verbal skills a relationship can begin to list sideways or even become lost on these points.

Noodle is on the right track. You should let him know exactly what you are thinking and feeling, but also let him know that it isn't a one way street and that you are truly interested to hear what his wants and needs are as well. Based on what you said in your post, he will more than likely think it out logically (most guys worth your time do) and come to the same conclusion you did. You can certainly give the roundabout way a go, but chances are you won't elixcit the response you're looking for, or worse, it may turn into that unspoken question that you occasionaly skirt around, but never quite answer. Speak your mind, let him know his opinion is valued and come to the decision together.

Best wishes!
~Ryan

[Silviar]

Don't be afraid to come out and ask him - if you have a good relationship, when you start thinking about it is a good time to bring it up. More than likely, he's thought of it, too.

[NikkiP]

Personally I feel that if you ask a casual question, or phrase it in a casual manner, you're much more likely to get a casual response. Obviously this is a big moment in any partnership and it deserves a good deal of time and effort from both parties. Communication is by far the most important thing in any relationship, especially a long distance one, and without strong verbal skills a relationship can begin to list sideways or even become lost on these points.

Noodle is on the right track. You should let him know exactly what you are thinking and feeling, but also let him know that it isn't a one way street and that you are truly interested to hear what his wants and needs are as well. Based on what you said in your post, he will more than likely think it out logically (most guys worth your time do) and come to the same conclusion you did. You can certainly give the roundabout way a go, but chances are you won't elixcit the response you're looking for, or worse, it may turn into that unspoken question that you occasionaly skirt around, but never quite answer. Speak your mind, let him know his opinion is valued and come to the decision together.

Best wishes!
~Ryan

Well said love...

It can be really difficult to convey what you're feeling, I know! But you just have to push through it and spit out what you're feeling because it is worth it! (trust me, I know.) Apparently guys who really love you want to hear exactly what is on your mind and they will usually surprise you in a good way when you open up to them and "blurt out" how you feel.

Keep us posted!