When/how to close the distance?

[braincheese]

My long-distance love and I have been together over two years, and we got engaged this past July. We're planning an October 2017 wedding.
The trickiest thing for me to wrap my brain around is the moving thing. I'll be moving up to where he lives. The trouble is that the cost of living is high where he is {he gets help with living expenses from the military}, and there's no way I can move up there alone after I graduate because I simply couldn't afford it. The best solution in my mind would be to move up there a few months before the wedding, and get settled into a place together, plus I'd be able to look for a job. The issue is that my parents would never, ever feel comfortable with that {they are very traditionally Catholic, so living together pre-marriage is a HUGE no-no, regardless of the circumstances}.
I want to make the move well before the wedding so that I can get somewhat settled to this new area before the real wedding insanity hits both of us, because moving is stressful, and so are weddings, so I'd rather not do both at the same time, haha.
If anyone has any advice for me, I'd looooove to hear it! cx

[sasad]

Fairfax County is insane. I work there, but don't have to live there! I live 50 miles away, have to drive but have a place that would cost me 2000 a month or more for me in Ffx and only pay 1k. Are you okay no to live with your SO? Military housing or?
I would start the job hunting sooner than later. There are also lots of people looking for roommates or places to share. Some are summer rentals only as some teachers leave the area for 2 to 3 months... I can pm you some places to look if you need.

[Unicorn26]

I'm sorry your family is so set against living together before marriage.

I am from a deeply religious family too so I understand what you must be going through.

However, you are 21 and you can do as you please. Why not tell your parents you aren't sleeping together till after the wedding? Just a thought? It's a tricky one. You can never please everyone but I really feel you need to be up there settled etc as planning a wedding is really stressful and you NEED to be in the same area as the wedding is taking place.

Keep us posted, good luck!

[differentcountries]

There are several options:

Moving in with him and "live" together (sleep together)
Live together but as friends (not share a bed)
Move in with a flat-mate (see in the papers and online if someone is looking for flatmates)
Get married first, while living at home, and move + look for a job after the marriage
Apply for a job first - then after you get the job you can find somewhere to live and afford to live on your own first, if you want to

[R&R]

Is he still going to be stationed in the same place in 2017? How long of a wait list is there for family housing if you end up living on base? Is he currently living on base in an apartment or off base where the military supplements his rent?

It is possible to plan a wedding from a distance. You are close enough to each other that you could do long weekends out there for visits to venues, cake tasting, etc. There is also the option of getting married quietly before the actual wedding, only tell those who "need" to know, move and find a job - and then still have your big wedding as planned. You can decide that you make the move prior to the wedding and live together regardless of how everyone else feels. There are plenty of options out there for you.

[braincheese]

sasad - I am okay to live without him, I'd just prefer not to, haha. He isn't living in military housing.
That is true, I'll have to look into it.

Unicorn26 - Thank you! I'm considering telling them that we would just be living as roommates, in separate beds, until the wedding. Being settled up there before the real wedding chaos really would be ideal.

differentcountries - Those are all valid ideas, haha.

R&R - 2017 will be his last year in the military, so we have a little bit of flexibility as to where we can live, though it also depends on what job he currently has at the time.
It is true that we can utilize long weekends, though traveling back and forth so frequently is both tiring and expensive, haha.
We could get married quietly, I suppose. Though my mom isn't going to ever consider us married until we have the big Catholic ceremony.
When it comes down to it, I may have to play the "I am an adult so I am moving bye <3 " card.