is it too soon?

[8793miles]

I am about to go to university, and I have always planned to study abroad, but because my SO and I have only been together a year it seems earlier to consider closing the distance. My issue is that I will be starting school in 2017 and if I choose to go to school in Australia, I feel like I would be putting a lot of pressure on a relatively new relationship now, even though its still a year in the future. On the other hand if I stay and go to school here in Canada it will be 3-4 years before me visiting will become an option let alone closing the gap, and that feels like an impossibly long time to survive in this relationship without contact. I know he cant move to me because he has such strong bonds with family and friends over there, and I have significantly less here. It's an insane decision to make so early, but I have to think about my future now because acceptance offers don't last forever,so even though I will be studying in 2017 I have to decide soon. I have to talk to him about it but I don't know how to approach the subject in a way that doesn't seem like I'm going too fast. I don't want to make him feel pressured but he is a big part of this decision. If anyone has any advice on how to approach the topic or how I can make this decision, please let me know.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

1) Have your met him? You don't specifically mention that, but I think that's important here. People can argue either way, but that is a HUGE factor. You absolutely, positively should NOT be making long-term decisions around a guy that you haven't met in person. As mentioned tons of times on here, LD and CD are very different things and just because you are compatible online does not mean that you will be in person.
2) Why can't you (or your SO) visit in the next 3-4 years? Just because you'll be in school doesn't mean you can't visit. There are plenty of us on here that have maintained LDRs while in school. You may not necessarily have the money now, but can't you get a part-time job and save up in order to see him once a year at least?
3) Can't you go to a university at home and then study abroad for a semester in Australia? That would give you two some time together without it being so serious. And yes, going to school in another country specifically for your SO would make it very serious very quickly. What happens if you two break up? Will you still be happy with your decision?

My SO and I started dating when I was 19. We were both in university (we dated CD for a while) and decided to keep our relationship going after he had to go back home. We decided from the very beginning that our futures individual come before our future as a couple for the time being. It isn't for everyone, but since we were so young and still in school, we knew that we had to accomplish our own dreams before we could build dreams together. Now, two years later, we are almost done building our dreams individually and are ready to start finding a way to close the distance. That's how we decided to handle it. Do I wish that my SO decided to study here instead of at home? Absolutely. It would make made it a whole hell of a lot easier. But do I regret putting myself first in finishing my schooling and starting my career? Not at all. That's something that I have forever regardless of what happens with me and my SO. I am a firm believer that you can't be satisfied as a couple until you are satisfied as individuals. For us, we had to make our dreams come true as individuals before we could even think about that next step of closing the distance. So I urge you, whatever you do, please put yourself first. You have one life to live and if you give things up to be with your SO, then it's really hard to be truly happy with your life. You are young and have the chance to see where things go while being LD and then decide to make things permanent if that's where things go.

[8793miles]

First off thank you so much for your insight it has given me a better perspective and a lot more to consider.
And yes we have met in person twice, and both times went very well. The main reason why i began thinking of this as an option was because I had already planned to study abroad, I was just considering New Zealand or England and hadn't honestly thought of Australia, though it seems a viable option. So if i did go, I don't think I would be doing just for him, I would also be getting the education I want and my future would still be headed in the right direction. I just don't know if I am rationalizing because of my feelings or if what I'm saying makes some sense. I'd like to think it would still be a good experience even if we did break up.
I have looked into doing a semester instead of a full degree, but I have had troubles finding a program that would work because the semester periods are completely different between the two countries and is is hard to get them to work together.
The main reason why it would be almost impossible for me to visit and is the expense, the flight alone costs at least $2000 and I don't know where I would be able to come up with that money outside of all the costs that come with being a student. It sounds like you went through a similar situation, so do you have any advice on that aspect?
Another thing is this wouldn't be permanent, After completely my degree overseas I am required to come back to Canada for at least a year. So though it would be a extended stay in another country I would still be coming back to Canada in the end.
I know I'm young, and every one says people do dumb things when they are young, I don't feel like I am being immature but I don't know anything else at this point so its impossible for me to say. I really appreciate your opinion because my own mind is talking in circles and I am stuck on not knowing what to do.

[Ejoriah]

Hello and welcome to LFAD.

Five years ago I left my home country and moved 10,000+ miles to the United States. I went on a student visa but the university I picked was because it was close to my boyfriend of the time. We ended up breaking up about a year and a half after I moved.

It was awkward at first (I was living with his family and suddenly found myself having to find a place of my own, with no support network outside of my ex's friends and family) but it ultimately worked out really well for me. The underlying reason was that, even though I was moving in with him, I also really wanted to study in the United States and the university I chose also had a good program for what I wanted to do. The proximity to my then-boyfriend was an advantage, but I tried to be as objective as possible when making my decision. Even though it was not an incredibly well known or prestigious university, what I learned there ultimately got me accepted into a fully-funded PhD program in my field. That is also where I met my current fiancé.

All this to say that if you do choose to study in Australia, it has to be something you want for yourself and not just for your boyfriend. Does that particular degree translate well to Canada, or is it not recognized? How will you finance your education in Australia vs Canada? Do you like Australia well enough that you could be happy there without your boyfriend? If you can't find a study abroad program in Australia but find one in New Zealand, could he then more easily come visit you? I agree that saving for a $2000 trip as a student is very difficult, but can he contribute to the cost of flights as well?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

First off thank you so much for your insight it has given me a better perspective and a lot more to consider.
And yes we have met in person twice, and both times went very well. The main reason why i began thinking of this as an option was because I had already planned to study abroad, I was just considering New Zealand or England and hadn't honestly thought of Australia, though it seems a viable option. So if i did go, I don't think I would be doing just for him, I would also be getting the education I want and my future would still be headed in the right direction. I just don't know if I am rationalizing because of my feelings or if what I'm saying makes some sense. I'd like to think it would still be a good experience even if we did break up.
I have looked into doing a semester instead of a full degree, but I have had troubles finding a program that would work because the semester periods are completely different between the two countries and is is hard to get them to work together.
The main reason why it would be almost impossible for me to visit and is the expense, the flight alone costs at least $2000 and I don't know where I would be able to come up with that money outside of all the costs that come with being a student. It sounds like you went through a similar situation, so do you have any advice on that aspect?
Another thing is this wouldn't be permanent, After completely my degree overseas I am required to come back to Canada for at least a year. So though it would be a extended stay in another country I would still be coming back to Canada in the end.
I know I'm young, and every one says people do dumb things when they are young, I don't feel like I am being immature but I don't know anything else at this point so its impossible for me to say. I really appreciate your opinion because my own mind is talking in circles and I am stuck on not knowing what to do.

At the end of the day, I agree with Ejoriah. What matters is that if the worst were to happen, you are still happy with your decision. If you would be, then that is a huge factor for you. I also agree that if you were already thinking New Zealand, it would be substantially closer than from Canada, so that would help things. As far as your question for money goes the truth of it is that I don't have money. I don't have the money to spend on tickets or traveling, hell, I can barely pay my rent and I have debt out of my eyeballs (that's the U.S. for ya!), but it's been a priority for us to visit at least every 6 months, so we make it work. I take the money for my trips out of my student loans. Not ideal, but whats a couple more grand when I'm already paying so much? At least I can get to see the man that I love every so often. We try to split to trips so we aren't doing it too often, but he tends to make the trip more often than I do due to his financial circumstances. Our flights are a little less: about 1200 USD, but still very expensive when you don't have money. It's probably a little foolish to be spending it on trips to Europe, but hell, you only live once and if I'm in debt a couple more years but it allowed me to be happy while we were LD it's worth it to me. You have to decide if it's worth it for you though.