Visas, Age & Family, How Do I Approach This?

[Chloreyy]

Hello Everybody,

I have been in a long distance relationship for one year now, I have met my significant other four times and feel that it is time to close the distance. With me working nightshift and the time difference it's affecting our relationship. It's getting to a point where I just want to spend forever with her as soon as possible. In four days I will 20 and my girlfriend is 28.

It is much easier for me to get a visa than it is for her, so for the short-term it would be much more practical for me to move there. I've always wanted to live abroad, the only problem is how to tell my family. In April Me and my girlfriend will travel to her home country(Philippines) and my dad told me he'd rather meet her before doing that. My girl want's to meet my family and they would like to meet her, but it is so hard for her to get a uk visa. I just don't think it would go over well with my family if I go out and live there and they have not even met her, flights are expensive though. I would just love to live out there for a while before she comes to the UK to live with me.

I think the only way she can live and work in the UK would be if we got a fiance visa. I think it would look better if we have lived together for a while before applying for this, I don't want to underestimate the difficulties in obtaining a visa. My girlfriend is worried also that since our age gap that they will think she is taking advantage of me (Which is definitely not the case). I just want to close the distance.

All in all, Any ideas on how I can ease my family into the idea of me living there? Especially since they have not met her yet.

Apologies if this post is a bit disorganised as it is my first,

Thanks all!

[lucybelle]

A great way to "meet" without physically doing so is by skyping. I'm sure your family will feel better if they are able to chat with your girlfriend a few times. Another idea is to meet in a third, neutral country where visas aren't a problem. I'm not sure which countries she could visit without a visa, but look into it. Finally, apply for a UK tourist visa and see what happens! Don't give up before you even start the process.

While an 8 year age gap seems large now because you are so young, it really isn't all that much. Immigration tends to be more skeptical about 15+ years age differences. But I wouldn't be thinking of marriage yet, you still have a lot to learn about each other and yourselves before such a commitment should be made.

[kittyxuchiha11]

First of all, Hi and welcome to LFAD :3 I'm also from scotland and although my girlfriend is in the US, it looks like we have a sort of similar distance. my SO and I have a 10 year age gap which she is quite insecure about but i don't really mind, so i understand your fear about people thinking because she's older she'll take advantage of you, i've had this conversations with a few people and they've told me the same that immigration won't like it. But as lucybelle said above, unless it's a really really big age difference it should be okay. There's not much i can really say that lucybelle hasn't really said, but just a tip for the family meeting your SO thing. If a skype meeting seems like a big deal and either party isn't comfortable with it, how about letting your parents talk to your SO for just a short time if you're on the phone or on skype to each other. I introduced my mum and my SO by just giving my mum my headset i use to talk to my SO when i went out the room for a minute or two. it let them chat and sort of just say hi and have a brief encounter. sometimes the idea of skype can be really scary since you have to worry about your appearance and if the mic and connection will hold, which it doesn't with me a lot of the time >.< honestly though, if you let your family and your SO get to know each other even just a bit and then explain there's nothing really for you at home and you want to make this move they should hopefully understand. Although i wouldn't think of moving after only knowing each other for a year, you should only move when you feel absolutely confident it's the complete right thgin to do and you'll have no regrets :3

[Chloreyy]

Thank you so much for your suggestions lucybelle and kitty. Thanks for the warm welcome also I think it's a great idea for my family to meet her via Skype, I guess the only problem is finding the time for that whilst we are already struggling with just the two of us. Also the fact that my partner has room mates. I guess we keep going through ideas rather than actually sticking with one which is a little frustrating, for the both of us. A big portion of the problem explaining to my family about plans and stuff is that I find it really hard to open up to even my family which is kind of crazy just, I'm the type of person who rarely uses the word 'No' when 99% Of the time I want to. Like kitty says, I should definitely gain more confidence. I just worry that in the process, the prolonging will affect the relationship to a point where all the work was for nothing :o

On a more positive note, this year I will stop procrastinating, get all these issues addressed and have fun in the process That sounds like a plan. I just need to focus more on keeping optimistic.

I appreciate your insight, I have now realised I should slow down a bit and focus on the important things that help build a foundation to the relationship rather than going all out

[Jaac]

You can plan a skype meeting a few days (weeks) before though right? So your parents and you will have made time and she can make sure she has her privacy (without roommates).

For her to enter the UK she only needs a Sjengen visa, right? Which is not too bad of a process (in my situation). Can't you gather information about the requirements and see what's possible? She is going to need proof that she will return to Dubai (like study, work, a house etc), she needs sufficient funds (you or your parents could 'sponsor' her so she would be taken care of) Things like that.
Then she can at least stay for quite a long while (90 days).
Wouldn't it be a plan if you go to the Philipines through the UK? So she can be there for a little while and meet your parents and then you can carry on together?

Getting her to the UK to live is most likely going to be a pain staking process (not to be a downer... But we have to be realistic). Even if you get engaged or married.
So if you really want that, you should look into it rather sooner than later!

Best of luck!