We're (hopefully) closing the distance!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

It probably will still be 6+ months before that happens, but we think we're going ahead with the unmarried partner visa. We are SO excited to have an end in sight.

But I'm having some pain with this decision as well. I'm hoping that some of you who have closed the distance by moving to another country can help me with these feelings. I have moved there for a few months, but these feels so much more definite. Knowing that I will only get to see my family every 6 months (and that's if I'm lucky!) and I might not be here for family events and holidays is really getting to me. At this point, it'll be a temporary move until we are both able to move back here, but what happens if it turns permanent? The thought of raising babies so far away from my parents pretty much destroys me. I have always been really close to my family and the thought that they'd only get to see my kids once or twice a year is pretty heart breaking. And if we move to the US to have babies we have the same problem with his family. I want to live in both countries. Can someone invent a machine that lets me teleport back and forth? There are so many good things on both sides and I feel like no matter where we are, we're not doing the right thing. There is just not an easy solution to this. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING EXCITING AND HAPPY?

[Miasmata]

I'm not the one who moved but I think I can still at least say that your feelings are very understandable, but definitely catastrophizing! It would be great if life would make compromises easy all the time, but that's sadly not how it goes - Doesn't mean it's impossible to get things done, though!

Look at it this way - You got time to figure this out, and while moving is not trivial, it's not something you can never ever do in your life. Moving to the US and back to the Netherlands is not strictly impossible. Also, have you spoken to your SO about this? Is he really just as close with your family as you are with yours? How would he like to handle this issue?

I really wish there was an easy solution, but at the same time, a relationship and the people in it can grow from their challenges. You are both in this together and can find ways to make it work for yourselves and each other. It's okay to be worried, but allow yourself to be excited, too! I'm rooting for you both

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Thank you for the message and your support! It really is an exciting time, but with all that excitement comes this worry too! He is very close to his family as well. If you asked him, he wouldn't say so, but the short time that I spent with them I could see that they really are. Since the beginning, the plan has always been for him to move to the US. He has always been for it, but he also has had the same doubts that I have now. It's really hard leaving your family. This is kind of a new thought to us to have me move there. It will only be temporary since I still want to come back to do more school, but at least we could be together in the mean time. I also feel like it's good that I'm moving there for now as a true compromise to his potentially moving here forever.

It's just a lot to think about and the emotions on both sides are strong. I am very much ready to start our lives together and my family is very supportive of that, even if it means me moving away, but it's painful for everyone involved. :/