Should I close the distance?

[Bobs]

So I have applied to go to university in my country and my other half has now applied for a university in her own country. So here's the thing we've been doing this for 2 years now and we both don't want it to end, she can't study here because it's way too expensive so that leaves me to make the jump over there otherwise we are going to have to end it. Now I don't know the language that well so I would have to go over to work for a year and then apply for university after that (I'm assuming that I should get to grips with language by then). Does this sound stupid? Should we just call it quits and go our own ways? Or should I just Make the jump? I think I would love staying in her city it's just the thought of working my ass off at a shitty ass job to get me through the year.

[R&R]

So I have applied to go to university in my country and my other half has now applied for a university in her own country. So here's the thing we've been doing this for 2 years now and we both don't want it to end, she can't study here because it's way too expensive so that leaves me to make the jump over there otherwise we are going to have to end it. Now I don't know the language that well so I would have to go over to work for a year and then apply for university after that (I'm assuming that I should get to grips with language by then). Does this sound stupid? Should we just call it quits and go our own ways? Or should I just Make the jump? I think I would love staying in her city it's just the thought of working my ass off at a shitty ass job to get me through the year.

Welcome to LFAD.

Making future decisions can be hard. My advice is to base where you complete your last two years of university based on what makes the best sense for you as an individual. Would you consider uprooting and going there if she didn't live there? Would you take a year off and live in another country before continuing your education if your SO wasn't in your life? If you moved and the relationship didn't work, would you be happy living there regardless?

May I ask why you feel the need to end it if you don't go there to school? Do you both think it will be too much to continue this relationship as an LDR for another 2+ years?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

In addition to R&R's very legitimate questions...is there a third place that you two can both go to school? I'm assuming by the way that you said this that it's your first degree and not a masters/PhD? Because that does make a difference in my opinion. My SO and I have both made the decision to do what we have to do schooling wise and see what happens after. I went back on that since I am deciding to put my PhD off until a few years from now and move there. With that being said, I can get a good job with my bachelor's degree and start my career. If you already think you'll be working shitty jobs that you'd rather not do then the decision should be easy. It's one thing to put school on hold for love if you are gaining something else there (like good work experience in your field) but a whole different thing if you are going with literally nothing else to gain other than being with her. It's up to you of course, but I wouldn't really like those odds for myself.

[C.C.]

Wait, why do you think it should end?
You have been in ldr these past 2 years, right? Why do you think you can't make it work while both of you study at university in your own countries?
I have started it this year, while my SO's about to get bachelor's this year.
But, I think at this age, it's quite normal to wait for at least 4 years or even more till the distance can be closed?
It may just be me, but I don't wanna make a decision of going somewhere only because of him, or something even bigger, until some years pass and we are both ready relationship-wise and MAINLY, when both of our positions in life are satisfying enough and makes us ready.

I don't know about your circumstances, but there are long distance couples who make ldr work for a long time until they can close the distance permanently.

Now if, as others said, you get some good opportunities while living in her country and you wouldn't regret it if the relationship didn't work, then that's a different case.

[Bobs]

First of all thanks for replying, I really appreciate it. I would like to mention that this would be my first year going into university. Anyway we have been struggling with this relationship for these two years and I think four years is too much of a burden to put on us (That's just my personal view, because we both don't want to wreck our experience at university). The job wouldn't be that bad and I think I can say with certainty that I would get a job there because I worked in a hotel last year and they welcomed me back anytime. I would love to move over there. I just love the country. I do know I want to go to university and I have been before but dropped out because the course and the university itself wasn't for me. This time I would study something different. I just keep thinking that I finally get to move out of here, be with the one I want to be with and even if it goes all pear shaped I would have learned a language out of it right? I dunno maybe that's a bit too much of positive thinking. It's just a job though right? Some people go there whole lives not liking their job. So a year shouldn't be that bad? I should mention I don't actually like living in the UK anymore but maybe that's cause I've seen what life is like over there and I kind of want that lifestyle. It's just I've been so caught up in doing the 'right thing' which would be go to university here, that I never really paid attention to what I want. But the moving would be a big gamble so that's why I'm hesitant.

[differentcountries]

Since both countries are member of the EU, you can go to Denmark for up to 6 months looking for work. If you have not found a job within that time, you will have to leave.

If you want to learn Danish, Babbel.com might be a good place to start: https://lp.babbel.com/d/QAE_index.ht...utf8=%E2%9C%93

[Dziubka]

Since both countries are member of the EU, you can go to Denmark for up to 6 months looking for work. If you have not found a job within that time, you will have to leave.

If Bobs can support him(her?)self, s/he can stay however long s/he wants. Yay EU!


I think, seeing as you're not working your dream job currently, you don't really have much to lose.
You can go over to Denmark and try to find work or go there through the European Voluntary Service (EVS). I don't know how difficult Danish is for English speakers, but if you want to speak it well enough to get into university later:
1. Find out what level/certificate the university you want to go to requires.
2. right when you arrive, sign up for a language class and try to find a tandem partner or practise with your girlfriend.

If it doesn't work out and/or you end up not liking it there, you can always go back and will have learnt some Danish.

And do (EU) foreigners have to pay for university in Denmark? That'd be important to find out as well.

[SailorRei]

You can just go right ahead and do the degree in Denmark, for EU citizens it's free. And you don't have to work before, it's only about getting it. The thing is that you would need money to support yourself with a work on the side. And if you get work where you work 12+ hours per week, you are eligible for study grant

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I know nothing about university in Denmark, but are there any English programs? I know in the Netherlands and Germany there are quite a few English bachelor's programs and a ton of Master's programs for afterward. If they do have any, it might be worth it to see if you could find a program that fits your interests?

[differentcountries]

If Bobs can support him(her?)self, s/he can stay however long s/he wants. Yay EU!

True, if Bobs sends in a special form, that is, Danish Foreign Deparment's webpage says. I asssume it will be hard to support oneself without an income though.

Studies in Denmark might be an option;
https://studyindenmark.dk/study-opti...d-scholarships
https://studyindenmark.dk/portal

[SailorRei]

I know nothing about university in Denmark, but are there any English programs?

There is A LOT

And as every one says: do your research! It's really easy, because you can find all information in english and most of the websites are useful.

But all in all- looking for english speaking job might not be that easy as you think, because there is a lot of students already with all the permissions and paper work done, that are taking all the service jobs.
Becoming a student is the most sure way to stay for longer in DK, but you will need money to support yourself.

Also- aren't UK programs tuition based anyway? Having that money with you will definitely get you through studying in DK.