Hiding Our Goal

[LatteLove]

Hello there and welcome!

So my Boyfriend and I have closed the distance from England to Australia! We met online and spent a year together planning him coming over to the UK to stay with me. We did such thing intill he had to return to Australia, we went together and I have lived with my Boyfriend ever since we first closed the distance.

Now I have to return to the UK but without my partner, we have decided we want to be living together permanently in England, wich can easily be done if not for of course saving up funds for travel.

But there is another issue at hand, we can not simply talk to his family about us moving permanently. My Boyfriends mother is not settled on us living so far away from herself, she strongly is against even the idea of all this.
This makes it that bit harder to make everything come together and be were we want to be.

It is a matter of weeks intill I fly back home without my Love and we can not talk about our future openly to his family. This really hurts as it almost makes our plans feel unreal, but I know that is untrue yet it still hurts. We can talk to my family about everything but it is my Boyfriends mother who needs convincing of our plans.

My Boyfriend and I have worked out that he can come back to the UK in around ten months time to save up for flights and what not, but i want to be able to say to all his family that we are still together even though we will be LDR and that he is coming over permanently.

Also his mother is trying to look into things like college studys he can do in Australia and take years to complete, I just want to say that that is not what he plans we are moving to England but i know i cant we have to hide all our plans.

If anyone else has had to keep a big secret like this from relatives and/or your Partners relatives id love to know your story and advise, or just to share the pain of keeping plans hidden is all welcome.
Thank you for still reading..

[Elizabeth123]

Tough situation. If you are both committed to your relationship one of you will have to move and announce that to the parents. Hiding will only make things harder and create a lot of bad feelings between the family members. Maybe ask your mom to help discuss this major life change with your SO's mom?

[Ejoriah]

The only time I've kept secrets regarding my dating life has been when I wasn't serious about who I was dating, so I can't offer any advice from that angle. However, assuming that your boyfriend is the same age as you... he's an adult. It's his job to tell his mother about what is going on. If he doesn't tell her about his plans, what happens? He suddenly drops the bomb that he is permanently leaving and breaks her heart?

I think you need to work on telling her sooner rather than later. Maybe start off with "we've been playing with the idea of moving to the UK because maybe it would be a better environment/better job prospects/whatever reasons" and then progress with that. I know this isn't really what you asked about but I just can't see keeping this big of a secret working out... just because at some point you WILL leave and she WILL know that you kept it from her.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Maybe instead of hiding it, you could phrase it vaguely? Like "who knows what the future holds, but for now we will be in England". Permanent sounds so...permanent. Most mothers would be terrified by that word. Some mothers just don't show it!