No end in sight

[Mr Gravy]

Sorry about the lack of updates. I almost forgot about the existence of this thread.

Finally being eligible for FAFSA, my girlfriend has started a program at her local community college this summer. Since I am unlikely to qualify for a worker visa. I have just started a first job. It's only very few hours per week and doesn't really pay but it's in my field and involves German and English tutoring which might be of value some day.

On a more positive note, at the end of the year my girlfriend is going to visit Germany and meet my family and friends for the time. However, it is still unclear where and how exactly we're going to close the distance in the end. Our funds are limited and it will take at least a few more years before either one of us makes enough to even temporarily provide for the other in a hypothetical family reunification situation.

[differentcountries]

Well, that is normal. Often when people meet, they dont work /study full time so they can travel, and they use the money the earn to finance frequent visits. That is not sustainable for creating a stable family reuinon situation. I just found a fulltime job, my holiday time is limited and I probably will have to work a lot every day even if I can manage to get away for a visit. I have many bills that partly relate to all the travelling I did, plus last year I got a bigger flat and fixing that (among other things until SO can come for a longer visit) eats up a huge chunk of my salary. All of us just have to be patient. Holding down jobs, getting skills, saving up money, while having a visit here and there to keep the relationship fresh, all of this will be useful in the long run. I have done this 3 years, I have witnessed friends who did it for longer. It all depends on the situation you are in when you meet and how you see yourself in the future. Good luck with the upcoming visit

[Mr Gravy]

As wrong as it seems to get married after only two visits of one month each, that is what everything seems to be coming down to now. Neither of us is a specialist in any sought-after field. In fact, the associate degree my girlfriend is working towards would be of little value in my country. On top of that, I will soon graduate with a B.A. in guitar pedagogy (from what I've heard, majors matter little in the US), already know English, and have been in loose contact with 2-3 potential employers/networkers in the greater St. Louis area. All those reasons combined make the US look like the better place for us, even though Germany doesn't have a minimum income requiry for family reunifications.

Pretty much all of our friends have been telling us to get married already but my family is not excited about me going to the US, a country with low social security and high crime rates. Even though they haven't met her, I suspect my mom to question the worth of LDRs and my dad to judge my girlfriend for her less privileged background. Nonetheless, I am almost positive they would support me regardless of my decision.
In contrast to that, my girlfriend's family has met me, likes me but has no intention of supporting us if I moved there. We'd be on our own.

I think deep down I sort of want to just break free, leave everything behind and jump right into this adventure together. But at the same time, I am scared shitless by all the things that could go wrong, from being unable to find a job to breaking up for some unexpected reason. I keep asking myself 'What's the worst that could happen?' and as a follow-up, 'Would that really be THAT bad?' and lately I haven't really been able to find any plausible reasons why we shouldn't try it. With great risk comes great reward and no failure is worse than the regrets of not trying. And yet, I don't know what's the right thing to do...

[Ejoriah]

Not to throw a wrench in your plans, but if you do get married (or intend to get married) your girlfriend would have to make around ~$20,000/year in order to be able to sponsor you. You mention the tight financials and the fact that her parents don't provide financial support, so just a heads up.

[Mr Gravy]

Not to throw a wrench in your plans, but if you do get married (or intend to get married) your girlfriend would have to make around ~$20,000/year in order to be able to sponsor you. You mention the tight financials and the fact that her parents don't provide financial support, so just a heads up.

We are aware of that. $20,000 is the amount she needs to make in order to be able to apply for my visa. The actual cost of living should be quite a bit below that though.
While it's true that her family wouldn't be willing to assist us financially, they would actually sign the affidavit of support to get my visa.
It's an awkward arrangement but it could work out.

[Redheart14]

It's hard and I really feel for you. Do you both feel ready for marriage? I mean if it wasn't for the distance would you both be ok with getting married?

[Mr Gravy]

I come from a culture where people on average wait longer before they get married. It's true that I would prefer to live together for a while before tying the knot, but we've tried to arrange that and it didn't work.
I don't really know what it feels like to be 'ready' for marriage, but we both feel strongly about our relationship and have currently no reason to believe that it wouldn't work out for us. It might just be one of those risks we have to take. The alternative would be to eternally regret a missed opportunity, which arguably sounds worse than anything that could happen if we got married.