Should I?
Hey guys!
So just a couple hours I got told I can take 15 days off work in October. Thr first moment I heard this my mind spun straight to my SO and our persistent need and daydreaming of meeting. I obviously freaked out of happiness and messaged him this. He hasn't replied so far as I just messaged him two minutes ago anyway.
However, a second after I sent him it, I started thinking.. :/ Last time I had a first meeting with an LDR partner, it didn't end so well: at the time I was living in South Africa and he in England. We agreed if we'd meet it be in Portugal because it's my homeland and it's kind of in between. So, he kept saying he wanted to meet, yada-yada, eventually, six months after, we did meet. I had to be all over him to renew his passport and it was for a hair strand that we didn't have to cancel it all. He seemed to really wanna meet but he was kinda lost with all happening at once. Idk.. So anyway we met, it was amazing, he asked me to be his girlfriend in person, said that the meeting just strengthened his feelings, yada-yada, then the day came when we had to returned to our homes so far apart. After a week he became a little off and eventually, long story short, we broke up mutually because he said he couldn't deal with it anymore and I kind of understand because he truly is busy and he's got somewhat of a depression and his life just ain't easy. We didn't talk for a while to cool off and now we're JUST FRIENDS who barely keep in touch. Anyway.. All of this, although I know it might not be true, made me think maybe I'm not as pretty or interesting in person.
I think you guys get my point now.. In October it would be me only traveling, to Germany, to meet my current (and hopefully last because I love this man so much I can't even) SO. But to be honest he is quite the attractive as hell dude and I feel like a potato.. And then I start thinking if I go, when I come back home the same will happen.. Now I'm not sure if I should go in October (which will be when we are 5 and a half months into our relation and six months into knowing each other).
I'm fairly calm and thoughtful right now but I know that as the days pass it will start to creep on my head and I will go anxious and doubtful as fuck.. I don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to think that I perceive him just like the other guy and that I think he will do the same cause "guys are all the same" or something..
Aside from this it is a costy journey (that for him I wouldn't mind paying but that's because I'm a potato in love so I'm trying to speak rationally here) of about 1200 dollars just for the plane ticket and of course I don't wanna be living off him and his parents for 15 days.. And then he has so many friends and social people that look naturally good (damn German genetics) and him like this short punk rock person who's highly allergic to mainstream nightclubs I fear I'm gonna be boring as hell.. Idk.. All these things!
I want to see him soooo badly but all the insecurities are starting to strike and will strike full force in a couple days.. Weeks..
*covers face with hands and rolls on the floor*
So just a couple hours I got told I can take 15 days off work in October. Thr first moment I heard this my mind spun straight to my SO and our persistent need and daydreaming of meeting. I obviously freaked out of happiness and messaged him this. He hasn't replied so far as I just messaged him two minutes ago anyway.
However, a second after I sent him it, I started thinking.. :/ Last time I had a first meeting with an LDR partner, it didn't end so well: at the time I was living in South Africa and he in England. We agreed if we'd meet it be in Portugal because it's my homeland and it's kind of in between. So, he kept saying he wanted to meet, yada-yada, eventually, six months after, we did meet. I had to be all over him to renew his passport and it was for a hair strand that we didn't have to cancel it all. He seemed to really wanna meet but he was kinda lost with all happening at once. Idk.. So anyway we met, it was amazing, he asked me to be his girlfriend in person, said that the meeting just strengthened his feelings, yada-yada, then the day came when we had to returned to our homes so far apart. After a week he became a little off and eventually, long story short, we broke up mutually because he said he couldn't deal with it anymore and I kind of understand because he truly is busy and he's got somewhat of a depression and his life just ain't easy. We didn't talk for a while to cool off and now we're JUST FRIENDS who barely keep in touch. Anyway.. All of this, although I know it might not be true, made me think maybe I'm not as pretty or interesting in person.
I think you guys get my point now.. In October it would be me only traveling, to Germany, to meet my current (and hopefully last because I love this man so much I can't even) SO. But to be honest he is quite the attractive as hell dude and I feel like a potato.. And then I start thinking if I go, when I come back home the same will happen.. Now I'm not sure if I should go in October (which will be when we are 5 and a half months into our relation and six months into knowing each other).
I'm fairly calm and thoughtful right now but I know that as the days pass it will start to creep on my head and I will go anxious and doubtful as fuck.. I don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to think that I perceive him just like the other guy and that I think he will do the same cause "guys are all the same" or something..
Aside from this it is a costy journey (that for him I wouldn't mind paying but that's because I'm a potato in love so I'm trying to speak rationally here) of about 1200 dollars just for the plane ticket and of course I don't wanna be living off him and his parents for 15 days.. And then he has so many friends and social people that look naturally good (damn German genetics) and him like this short punk rock person who's highly allergic to mainstream nightclubs I fear I'm gonna be boring as hell.. Idk.. All these things! I want to see him soooo badly but all the insecurities are starting to strike and will strike full force in a couple days.. Weeks..
*covers face with hands and rolls on the floor*
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