What was your experience?

[LivingInWonderland]

Hello everyone!

Only 24 days until to go until my SO moves from Arkansas to Michigan!

I won't lie, I am extremely nervous. We have spent a fair amount of time together in person. We basically lived together for three weeks during his last stay. We slept in the same bed, shared a bathroom and living space, etc. Everything was fine. It was honestly great. But I still can't help but be nervous. I honestly don't quite know what to expect. My only relationship has been with my SO, and it has always been long distance. I don't have any experience with a close distance relationship, and neither does he. So this is all going to be a brand new experience for us. I am sure everything will be great. But the nerves are still there, and growing stronger by the day. We will be moving in together the week of our 18th birthdays, which has earned us a lot of comments from our families and friends. Not only are we young and moving in together, but we are young and moving 800 miles to be together! What blasphemy! According to others, anyways.

I guess I am kind of looking for some experiences from others on here who have closed the distance. I don't know anyone who has gone through anything like this. I really don't even know anyone personally that has ever been in an LDR. So what was it like for you? What kind of things did you learn about your SO after moving in together? Was it strange at first, or did it all just come naturally for you? I would really love to hear from you guys.

Thanks everyone!

[Miasmata]

Congrats on your big step!! It's gonna be great, overall, I'm certain of it If it helps you, I'll gladly share my experiences.

Since you two aren't moving across countries to be together, you certainly won't have the tough adjustment period my SO had when he came from the US to Germany. However, definitely expect at least some little things to bug your SO. He won't know where the local stores are, there might be some different daily life habits he'll need to get used to, that kinda thing. He'll likely miss his friends and family, and just generally the feeling of home. It's quite possible he'll quickly feel at home with you together, but in my experience, that personal, individual sense of home can't be focused on the relationship. For my SO, those were two seperate things - How he felt about being with me in Germany and how he felt about himself being in Germany, if that makes any sense. Give him time to develop the latter, it'll likely take a bit.

The best you can do is being patient and understanding. He'll likely get homesick, he'll likely have lonely days, that kinda thing. Don't think you have to fix all that for him or even suffocate him with attention! Spend time together, but also give him time for university/work or whatever you two are occupied with during the day, give him time to "arrive" on his own terms. Has he met your friends yet? If you at all can, definitely include him in your social circle! That helped my SO heaps. We got together for boardgame/videogame nights and such, and my SO felt more welcome by being allowed to tag along and have something to do.

Also, a serious word to the wise: Be honest with each other about finances, and have some rules laid down about how to handle them that work for both of you! I cannot stress that enough. Once you have a household together as a couple, you won't get around having some unfun talks about money. Make sure you're on the same page regarding budgeting and such, and find ways to deal with money that feel fair and appropriate for both of you. I wasn't proactive enough here and had to find out that my SO had more impulsive purchasing issues than I knew before living with him - Not a fun lesson to learn!

In general, living together exposes you to your partner at all times, both their best and their worst. Of course you had things like that during your relationship already, for sure, but when you share a living space that kinda thing becomes much more raw and direct. You had 3 weeks together, sure, but that was still a visit - It's likely you won't get the full "living together" experience until someone actually moves in with you. That means you two should be aware that even people who love each other a ton can have moments where they need alone time or aren't in the mood to be loveydovey. Figure out ways to give each other privacy and space, and be prepared that your SO might have habits or other things regarding living together that might need discussing.

Overall, I'd say don't worry! Be smart and honest about all this, especially when you live together, and let this help you grow stronger as a couple. It'll be great, I'm certain!

[sasad]

The whole living together thing can be quite a shock.... after the initial excitement ebbs and reality kicks in can cause some issues... just make sure you all talk things through, try to never say things you don't mean, learn how to walk away if things get heated up...
I think it was easier in some ways to adjust after being LD... you learn so much more about the person and how to deal with issues differently. Its the physical space that changes a lot.
Be open to change, be open to compromise, be open to deep communications. Make sure you have me time as well as together times. Don't try to mold the person into what you want and expect, just like you are an individual.

I do think Miasmata is spot on with including him in your circle of friends... Help him out and around the area...

Remember you are in this TOGETHER. Good luck

[LivingInWonderland]

Thank you for your responses. Both were very helpful.