How did you feel before closing the distance?

[LivingInWonderland]

Posting this out of curiosity. How did you all feel before closing the distance?

I am going to be closing the distance with my SO in four days. I am really excited, but at the same time.... Really nervous. I have a lot of anxiety. I have ever since I was a toddler. I get overly worked up, and totally over think things. As this week goes by, and the more I over think it, the more I begin to have cold feet about closing the distance. I keep thinking things like, what if I'm not as finacially stable and ready for this as I thought? What if my SO can't find a job and then we REALLY become financially unstable? What if he grows tired of me, after spending every night and our days off from work together? What if.... What if.... What if.... It's driving me crazy!

I always try to have a positive attitude. It just hasn't been working out that way. My SO is the opposite. He is very optimistic. So he just kind of laughs and tells me everything is going to be fine. I know maybe not EVERYTHING will be. Not everything is perfect. But for the most part, things will be fine. I just can't stop having so much anxiety about this.

I've talked to my mom over the phone a few times about my worries, and that I am starting to get cold feet, and she told me that I am just a very anxious young women, and that there is nothing to worry about. She has seen my SO and I interact in person, and she said that ever since I met him, my anxiety and stuff has never been better. She said that he calms me. Maybe not when we are long distance, but definitely in person. She said she believes that we are going to do great, and that this will over all strengthen our relationship.

I know that she is probably right, and that she knows me better than I know myself at times. My mom and I are very close. But in the back of my mind, I just keep thinking about everything that could go wrong.

So I'm curious. How did you feel about closing the distance, before doing so? Am I the only one that has driven myself crazy with the what if's? Lol

Thanks everyone!

[whatruckus]

Obviously, I haven't closed the distance, but I know for a fact that you're definitely not the only one who's felt this way. We Anxiety folks just get worked up over the dumbest things. The only way you'll know if you're going to succeed is just to go for it. That's something I've learned, and I just keep trying to remind myself when I get discouraged about various things. I think you guys will be fine. And, if you struggle a little bit, that's okay too. That's life, and part of growing up. And, part of "Adulting" (lol) in general. Everyone is scared shitless when they first go out on their own. I still live with my parents, so I haven't even been able to move out.

The biggest thing I've done so far is buy my own car. I was worried about the payments, but now I see that I'm totally fine with making my payments, putting money in my savings, and paying off my other debts. I almost changed my mind about getting a "new" car because I was working myself up.

Take a deep breath, and just remember that you two are in this together and whatever happens, will happen, but you will be okay and get through it.

[aoitori]

I totally agree with whatruckus. I also have this anxiety. I'm not closing the distance yet, but my boyfriend is coming for his first visit in my country and while I'm excited, I'm also completely nervous. I always feel like I must bore him because I don't talk much, but so far it's working for us xD I also think, that the most important thing is that you try rather than regretting it if you never took a chance. I always try to challenge myself, because I hate it when my anxiety tells me what I can or cannot do. Don't worry, it'll be completely fine and you'll have a great time together

[Redheart14]

Before we temporarily closed the distance things became a lot more stressful. This is a big thing, it's natural to feel nervous about this. Try to focus on the positives don't worry about the what if's unless they arise.

[LivingInWonderland]

Thanks everyone

[R&R]

I closed the distance in 2008 when I moved from NH to CA. The only thing that stressed me out at all was leaving my daughters here for a good poriton of the year. Moving, looking for work, getting married two weeks after my arrival.....that was a cakewalk compared to not having my girls around all the time. I stayed in touch with friends, found a job and made new friends. There was the learning to live with someone on a daily basis again and learning a lot more about them that you missed by only having visits. If it hadn't been for my girls and needing to be back with them, we probably would still be together.

[Miasmata]

I was so nervous before my SO moved here, to the point of almost passing out when I went to pick him up at the airport! It was a very emotionally and personally intense time. You make such a big step, and committing to that can feel right and still so nervewrecking.

Of course I asked myself a thousand questions. I wondered how it would go, if he would truly like living here, if he wouldn't regret uprooting his whole existence and moving to a different continent. I had a ton of hopes and wishes and fears. I'd say that's very, very normal! You can have these questions, and you can definitely discuss them with your SO ... just try not to dwell on it. Anxiety, at its core, is very often all about worrying about potential problems that we haven't even encountered yet. If your SO gets homesick or whatever, talk about it then - Don't waste energy wondering "what IF he gets homesick?", keep that energy for making him feel at home and being communicative. Let him know that he can always talk to you about he's doing with the move, that he can ask you to help him get settled in and make friends. Try putting the energy you're using to worry into being proactive and communicative instead, it will pay off.

Things won't always be easy, for sure, but there's a lot you two can handle if you're honest with each other and invest energy to make it work. All the best!

[fayeth1989]

Hello, I'm new here, finding this thread v helpful.

I totally get how you feel, and I too hope that this is pretty typical of the situation we're in. My boyfriend is moving from australia to england in three weeks and I am FREAKING OUT. I have done the long distance thing before and it hasn't worked out, so this time I was clear that if it was going to work we needed to be together.. We met in Australia and when I left in January he decided to come here on a two year visa and see how it goes.

I haven't seen him since April when I went back to visit, he's coming here and we are moving in together (to a new city, so it's a fair, new start for us both). My excitement is turning into stress and I'm starting to doubt myself and I almost feel like I could completely talk myself out of it!!! He's amazing and he's giving up his whole life for me, he's quit his job, moved out of his flat, saved a small fortune - so what is wrong with me? I think I am hoping someone can tell me how I am feeling is normal. I feel like we are under a lot of pressure to make this work, luckily I can speak to him about how I'm feeling and he's been great about it. I just feel a bit sad and annoyed with myself that I can't get excited and feel a bit like I'm on self-destruct. Questioning if I really want this?! I don't know where it came from! I know deep down there is only one way to find out. It's good to know I'm not alone...

Thanks for reading.