A passimist over here

[Wasn'tExpectingThat]

Hello all,
So I'm new here, and super excited to know this site exists!
I basically entered this forum to find an answer to all of my LDR questions.
I live in Israel, My boyfriend lives in Scotland.
We've been together for the last 7 months, and I swear we couldn't love eachother more.
The problem is, I'm a first degree student in Israel, and he's starting a new job in March.
We always talk about how we want to live together, and make lots of future plans.
He always tells me "if our love was easy, everyone would have it" when I say it's hard for me.

The problem is that I can't really see an end to us being apart, not for the next 3 years (until I graduate).
I get really insecure over it, and I think it's starting to affect him too.
I need help!
How do we make this happen??
Or, how do I gain confidence enough for the both of us- for the next 3 years!?


LOVE LOVE LOVE

[Sparkling72]

I like your boyfriend's saying! It's a very true statement for LDRs. There are many ways to stay connected thanks to technology and this web site has lots of great ideas for connection as well. Time and open communication are 2 big factors for building a strong LDR. You are young, and you both will face challenges - actually we all face challenges in LDRs, regardless of age. Only you can decide if it is what you want to do. How often will the 2 of you be able to see each other over the next 3 years? Will that be a big deciding factor? Give it time and take it day by day. If you find yourself constantly turning down dates because you compare them all to your boyfriend.. then you know you're doing the right thing by waiting. On the other hand, if you find yourself wanting to date other people, then you'll know it's time to move on. 3 years can go quickly, especially when you're both busy working and going to school.

[hmrambling]

I'm guessing you meant 'pessimist' as opposed to passimist. If you meant passimist, please clarify what you meant.

I say that about running, "if it were easy, everybody would do it." However, that saying is not unique.

It is impossible for you to carry the confidence for both you and your partner. Being in a partnership is just that: the two people work together. I would not and could not sign on to any relationship where I am carrying the load of the relationship without the other person's support and help.

If you're been together for 7 months, you may still be getting to know each other and it may not yet be time for you two to be seriously planning to be together. Remind yourself that dating is about learning about the other person and getting to know him/her.

[erwin1973]

There's one thing in your case I would do first, and that is to talk about this with your SO. Why? Because may be he has an idea, too, how to make it easier for you, or how to make you feel the wait is worth it. My gf and me have been together for 4½ month now and to be honest I have no idea when we will meet for the first time. My plans were ruined by my financial situation. Fortunately she understands. We cam a lot, we chat even more, dispite our 7 hour time difference! We are in the luxuary position we can make time for each other.

Do you have doubts? Talk with him first. Do you want to move on? How much it hurts, move on. But if you are willing to wait, and I agree with hmrambling, you should carry on with your LDR. Because it's worth it. If you're the right one for him and if he's the right one for you.

Take a look at the site, there are plenty ideas how to make the time separated more bearable. Every relationship is difficult at times, not only LDR's.

I would say: take the advice of hmrambling to heart. And good luck with each other.

[xxcazaxx]

i find it easier to take each day as it comes rather than thinking about it as one big block of time x