Lots to get through to close the distance....

[2Rocky]

My details are in the Introduction forum under "WA and CA"

So we had "the Talk" and we are both very much in favor of her moving to my part of the country. There is a mountain of challenges though!

• Kids
• Her eldest will graduate from High school this Summer. Collegebound. Most likely in WA state. Her youngest will be a senior in high school next Fall. They visit their father here in CA each Summer and Spring Break and alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas
• While I'd love to have her here as soon as her eldest graduates, she feels her son should have his Senior year at the school he has attended all this time.
• Career
• She works as a long term Substitute teacher. If she wants a full time Job with benefits, She needs to do the classroom work to get a single subject credential. She has a background in fitness and training but has burned out on that.
• Home. She owns her home and wants to keep it as a rental property when she moves. Going to need some upgrades, which will require refinancing
• Car- Older model perhaps replace with refinance cash out?
• Cost of Living Is approx. 25% higher, and Salaries, are on average, 13% higher in my area of CA .
• Other Family: Mother, and her brother live in her current town, nearby. Two of her sisters live 140 miles away from my home. Her remarried ex-husband /Father of her children Lives 60 miles from me. Her kids spend summers with him, and alternate major holidays.

I've envisioned a couple of scenarios:

This summer she gets a summer job in my area (her main career is High school and elementary education) , while her children are with their father. She has a part time Job with a chain of stores, and the local owner, a friend of mine, would hire her. She would stay with me, and hopefully would get a short term tenant for her house. Perhaps she could start credentialling to become a certificated teacher as well.

I'm a little conflicted whether I can wait another year for her son to finish his high school career.

She wants to become a teacher and get her Masters. It remains to be seen what the financial implications of that are.

Ideally We both would like her to be independent and have her own place, for a year or two. Given the local rental market, that is a tall order.

Thoughts about what I can do to aid in this?

[R&R]

My details are in the Introduction forum under "WA and CA"

So we had "the Talk" and we are both very much in favor of her moving to my part of the country. There is a mountain of challenges though!

• Kids
• Her eldest will graduate from High school this Summer. Collegebound. Most likely in WA state. Her youngest will be a senior in high school next Fall. They visit their father here in CA each Summer and Spring Break and alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas
• While I'd love to have her here as soon as her eldest graduates, she feels her son should have his Senior year at the school he has attended all this time.
• Career
• She works as a long term Substitute teacher. If she wants a full time Job with benefits, She needs to do the classroom work to get a single subject credential. She has a background in fitness and training but has burned out on that.
• Home. She owns her home and wants to keep it as a rental property when she moves. Going to need some upgrades, which will require refinancing
• Car- Older model perhaps replace with refinance cash out?
• Cost of Living Is approx. 25% higher, and Salaries, are on average, 13% higher in my area of CA .
• Other Family: Mother, and her brother live in her current town, nearby. Two of her sisters live 140 miles away from my home. Her remarried ex-husband /Father of her children Lives 60 miles from me. Her kids spend summers with him, and alternate major holidays.

I've envisioned a couple of scenarios:

This summer she gets a summer job in my area (her main career is High school and elementary education) , while her children are with their father. She has a part time Job with a chain of stores, and the local owner, a friend of mine, would hire her. She would stay with me, and hopefully would get a short term tenant for her house. Perhaps she could start credentialling to become a certificated teacher as well.

I'm a little conflicted whether I can wait another year for her son to finish his high school career.

She wants to become a teacher and get her Masters. It remains to be seen what the financial implications of that are.

Ideally We both would like her to be independent and have her own place, for a year or two. Given the local rental market, that is a tall order.

Thoughts about what I can do to aid in this?

You haven't even been together a year yet. It's great that you are doing all of this planning, figuring out details, and putting real thought into this.

That being said, her son comes first. It is not an unreasonble, and actually, an extremely realistic, idea to have him finish out his senior year where he has spent his schooling. He has made bonds with friends, probably there have been plans in the works for things for senior year. This is "his year" and he should be able to have it there. It's only a year for you and it will provide a lifetime of memories for him. Now is not the time to be selfish but instead to show what kind of a person you are and that you can put others needs above your own in this.

[sasad]

Thank you R & R. Yep... her child comes first in this.. I would love to move to Florida with. My son, but he has his life here. My So knows that and supports this. I w=moved a TON in the. Military and would never wish changing schools in your senior year on anyone. Period.

[2Rocky]

Thank you R & R. Yep... her child comes first in this.. I would love to move to Florida with. My son, but he has his life here. My So knows that and supports this. I w=moved a TON in the. Military and would never wish changing schools in your senior year on anyone. Period.

I misspoke. He is actually a sophomore. So 2 years to finishing high school.

[R&R]

I misspoke. He is actually a sophomore. So 2 years to finishing high school.

Still, not all that long. Has anyone asked him what he thinks? He may want the opportunity to relocate or he may not. He is old enough to have a say in the decision.

There is still a lot for you to do. It's rare as full-fledged adults with kids, jobs, homes, etc to be able to move quickly. My SO and I have been together 3 years and married since November and we are still 1,000 miles apart. By the time we move, we'll have been together 4 years. Don't rush and work your way through the list one thing at a time.

[TaraMarie]

My ex husband and I moved from NY to Ga when my daughter was starting her sophomore year. Although at the time you would have thought we killed her, it turned out great for her, and she's told me she's glad we moved. She ended up having a great time in HS, a great time in college and graduate school (went to both FREE), and made the best of friends. It can go either way..... now, my husband has an opportunity to take a job in Fla. we are up in the air. My daughter will start her senior year of HS in August, and I will be willing to wait a year here.....however, my son will start his freshman year of his, and I would prefer he start there if we move......since so many of the kids are new as they come from different middle schools........ So many choices. You just pray you make the right one!

[sasad]

Tbh I went to three different high schools thanks to the Navy. I HATED it. Hated moving and not finishing school with any of my friends... just my nickels worth.

[2Rocky]

Still, not all that long. Has anyone asked him what he thinks? He may want the opportunity to relocate or he may not. He is old enough to have a say in the decision.

There is still a lot for you to do. It's rare as full-fledged adults with kids, jobs, homes, etc to be able to move quickly. My SO and I have been together 3 years and married since November and we are still 1,000 miles apart. By the time we move, we'll have been together 4 years. Don't rush and work your way through the list one thing at a time.

There has been some talk about doing some things together this summer if ML comes to spend the summer with me. Her son spends summers with his father already. He has a bit of a social circle down here through his step siblings.

[Sparkling72]

That is a lot to think about! The son should definitely be involved in the discussion and who knows, he might like the possibility of being closer to his father and idea of seeing him and his step family more often? Moving schools in high school does suck bad! And if he has a social circle with the step siblings, that is a plus, but will he be going to school with them? I'm guessing probably not.... This summer will definitely tell you how well this is all going to play out. It's good to make plans and while it sucks to wait, sometimes you have to do it. yes, 2 yrs is going to feel like an eternity, I agree, we have 18 months to go before SO can retire.

But, let me ask clarification on this... you said she wants to wait 2 years until her son graduates high school, then move there and still live separately for a year or 2? I'm going to bet if the 2 of you end up waiting till son graduates, you won't want to live apart anymore. One mistake SO and I seem to make is "that's not so long! we can wait some more." For example, he is up for master chief.. and I said, well if you make it, we can see where they'd station you next and if it's still SD, then we could do that. And it seemed okay at the time, we both agreed sure, let's wait and see... until the other day he called and talked about the promotion again, I said the same thing we'd been saying... he says, "ok, if I do that, this sea tour turns into the full 3 1/2 yrs and I won't find out shore duty until February of 2020... do you hear 2020?!! I could still go back out to sea for several months again." Slap my face back to reality 2020! LOL I realized that I don't want to be 50 before we finally live together...

[2Rocky]

So here is an update on the Summer stay...

ML has a job offer for "as many or as few hours as she wants" with my friend's store. They are in contact about start dates in June.

I have scheduled a week off during which I plan to fly to her to accompany her back to my home on the 2 day drive.

I also scheduled 6 days off in the end of August for us to do a trip to the mountains in Wyoming. We will drive her home from there, and I will fly back to CA. Right now the plan is she will return to her home in WA and her son will continue his schooling at his current school. There has been a musing about "What if he was ok with moving?" "What if the summer job becomes a career opportunity?"

Had my parents over for dinner on Thursday and let them know about the summer plans. I had just locked down the Wyoming trip. It kinda took them by surprise that she was coming to spend two months with me, but they were respectfully inquisitive. They have met her twice before. They are still in contact frequently with my Ex.

Still gotta tell my girls(17, and 11 this summer) she will be staying with us. She has not spent the night while they have been with me. They have both met her once already. They know about the Wyoming trip. My Eldest Daughter (19) is in college and will be around the area this summer . We have not been in contact much so I don't know what she knows about ML. I hope I can reconnect with her over the summer.

i'm cautiously optimistic about this brief time together...

[2Rocky]

It has been a while since an update.

Summer ended up being 29 days in August. Long story short, It was awesome. Think the post is in Visits..

Since summer, we had 4 more meetups, 2 at her place and 2 at mine. The latest was over the Christmas New Years holiday. We were fortunate to have a lot of time together to talk about a variety of topics. One of them was closing the distance.

We both agreed that July 1 2019 was the target date for her to move to be with me. Depending of course on a variety of factors. She has been invited back to work at her employer for last summer, a friend of mine.

The biggest factor of course is her career options here. I'm hopeful that her connections within her summer position will open up some good full time Career opportunities beyond just an hourly job.