Possible Hesitation closing the distance?

[Mads2018]

BF and I began long-distance when I started graduate school. I moved to Kentucky and he stayed in North Carolina and found a job out of school. I'm aware that we are lucky to have a LDR that is only 500 miles apart, but after 2 years of long distance we are more than ready to close the distance and begin our lives together.... or at least I thought we were.

I recently graduated and was able to land an amazing job in Kentucky! BF without hesitation decided that he would apply for jobs in Kentucky and move here to be with me. Due to our financial situation, we are not in a spot where he can move prior to finding a full-time position. He has always viewed his current job as a stepping stone to something better, but now after only submitting a few job applications he has stopped applying for positions in my area. He has stated time and time again that he is ready to live with me and that he views Kentucky as another home, but it doesn't seem to be motivation for him to move. Everytime I bring up the topic he says that he has been busy with work and hasn't had time to look at job boards, let alone apply for jobs. However, I know this isn't true. His job is very demanding, but his weekends are always free. I'm confused as to why he is lacking the motivation to look for jobs and I'm feeling like closing the distance isn't a priority.

Does anyone have any advice or know how I should approach the topic with him?

I am beyond done with the long-distance. It hurts spending time away from him especially now that we are both done with school and there is the potential for closing the distance. It is hard feeling like I'm waiting for someone who isn't actively fighting to move here.

[R&R]

You need to tell him exactly what you told us and you should provide what you consider an acceptable timeline. However, keep in mind, trying to find a job and actually landing one are two very different things. I've done the move once before (NH to CA) and I'll be doing it again next year (NH to TX). I only lasted about 18 months in CA and I'm really not looking forward to TX. I moved to CA without having a job and that ended up being a huge mistake and large financial strain. I won't move to TX until I have a job lined up.

As much as you may love the other person and want to be with them, the realization that you are leaving everything behind can be quite overwhelming for some people. Yet, other people can just drop everything and go. Remember, he is not you. Though you may feel like he isn't actively fighting to move to you, maybe now that it's real, it may be extremely hard for him. Yes, he should tell you if that's the case, but that's not an easy conversation to have either. You both will have to be honest with each other and be prepared for getting answers you may not want.

[differentcountries]

You can certainly expect your BF to start applying for jobs, but if he does, be ready for your communication to be strained and him having little time for you, because you are basically expecting to work, apply for jobs or attend interviews around the clock. My husband does it at the time, he is exhausted from months of attending job interviews for jobs he does not get (he was 2nd best at one job, but sadly getting good feedback does not give you the job).

I also think that, if he recently graduated, he does not have a lot of experience in his field, and he will be competing with experienced people who already live in the area... Then he might be better off trying to stay in his job for at least a year before seriously applying for jobs where you live. Then hopefully he will also be in a better financial situation to move and possably can afford to move without getting a full time job right away.

[Shauny]

I'm kind of in the same boat. If I moved, what job would I end up getting? If he's like me, he's got a head and a heart. He probably absolutely adores you, wants to be with you and wouldn't have it any other way. BUT this job he has might be a really good job he's not willing to give up unless he can find a job just as good. Maybe he's saving; he wants financial stability. Who knows? Have you ever considering moving to him?