Is there a right time to close the distance?

[anttony-music]

I know there's probably no right or wrong answer to this question but I thought I'd ask anyway.

Me and my partner haven't known each other very long but we've been lucky that we've both had the opportunity to see each other a lot spending long weekends together.

We're so happy together that my other half cries every time we part ways, I know that this is more than likely a perfectly normal reaction but even though I felt the strain I was never bought to tears until the last time we spent a few nights together. (Ok I cried a little when I got a beautiful letter she wrote me when she told me she loved me)

When we both got together we both knew that we couldn't do long distance forever and we had a deep and honest conversation about how we would close the distance. We didn't discuss when, just the how's and technicalities and if we would need any safeguards in place for if things didn't work out.

But how soon is too soon? One of her best friends literally had one date with her husband before she travelled a very similar distance to get married and they've been happily married for 4 years......so I do know that closing the gap early doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is doomed to failure but on the other side of the coin I know it doesn't mean it'll be any easier or more successful either.

Should we look at following through on our plans now or later from a practical sense doesn't make much difference.

But honestly I don't know how many more times I can see my other half cry, I want to be there to support her and cuddle her when she's feeling down and it breaks my heart to think that she's crying because it's going to be a few weeks before we see each other rather than being happy because we had a good time together.

I've rushed relationships in the past, more out of insecurities with myself and being in a relationship than because I care about the person.

All day today I asked myself some very hard questions about whether I really wanted to move and the reasons why. If it's just me repeating old patterns or whether given how we both feel it's time to take some steps to close the gap, not to just dive right in and do it but start looking at practical things like finding work even if i get offered a job it doesn't mean i have to take it if it isn't the right time. But the conclusion I came to is I don't feel insecure at all, I've actually been a real rock in this relationship for both me and my other half.

I've got nothing to loose in my hometown, but obviously I don't just want to dive right in head first.

Sorry for the mammoth post but needed a few opinions.

[lilise16]

I know it may be hard right now, but i say wait a little bit longer. Maybe a few more months. just because you don't want to rush and things don't go as planned. Take time and plan things out first and stay happy thinking about those times

[R&R]

You've only been in the relationship for less than a month. IMHO, moving because your SO is sad when you leave is not a valid reason to move. Though a relationship can happen quickly, like you SO's friends, it's not the norm. Many people on here will tell you it's hard when you part, but that is an expected part of an LDR. I, like you, prefer to look at the good time we had on a visit as opposed to wallowing in the time we are apart. You are also vey lucky to see each other so frequently. We have many people on here who only see each other once or twice a year or less. So I'd say slow down, there's no rush.

[differentcountries]

Long distance can be hard for many reasons, but at least in my experience it gets easier with time. The first few times we parted it was sad and shocking, but then we got into a routine, and we found that we could soothe, get to know one another and plan for the future even over the distance.

You are in luck because you are in the same country/state, and dont have to think about visa issues. If things dont work out, you can always go back.

But to start with the basics:
Have you met each other's family and friends?
Have you visited each other's place?
Do you have a realistical chance to get employed if you move? Can you looks for jobs over the distance?
Do you have the neccesary money to make the move and support you (especially if you have not found a job before the move)?

Actually, it is not neccesarily a good ting that you dont have much holding you back in your old town. If you have got weak ties where you live, if the relationship does not work out they may be weakened even more. And you may rely very strongly on her to be your social world. Do you plan to make friends of your own where you move to? Being too dependant on your loved one for social support is not all a good thing. I notice it when I visit SO that if I should move to him, I would need to build a social life of my own (I know people here but mostly travellers, if I lived here I would also need all year round friends). I know I sometimes get clingy on SO and he does not like it.

[2Rocky]

I think that it is important that you can look forward and see what needs to happen in order to close the distance. If that means a job, graduation, a milestone for the children, or a home purchase. Really you have to do everything that you would do in a close distance relationship but make it fit into the time you have together.

Make sure that the move of one person or the other stands on its own merits outside of the relationship. There are plenty of articles on this if you search the Internet. If you move solely for the company of the other person there is nothing holding you there. That makes it easier to give up on the relationship. I think it is important early on in an LDR to establish what has to happen to make closing the distance an option and set a time and date goal for that to happen.