Update + Planned Move

[Nikori]

So this is my 2nd post, apart from my introductory one last October. But to recap, I met this guy online named Alex by pure chance. The odds of us meeting at the time we did were astronimically low, and it turned out we were the perfect match for each other. We fell in love within 7 days online, and he makes my chest BURN with love, whereas my ex wasn't able to achieve that in my past 8-year relationship IN PERSON. So Alex and I have been together since August 2016, and it's been more than 10 months since then. We voice chat nearly every night for at least a couple hours, have webcammed countless times, sent each other tons of gifts, have met each other's parents and our families have accepted each other's.

Having explained my backstory and showed that we are serious about one another:

Since the end of 2016, my parents, Alex and I have been attempting to make plans for us to move to California (I live in Kentucky, btw). I have had the opportunity to fly out there to spend time with him for 3-7 days or however long, and meet for the first time. However, we both mutually decided that once we meet, we're not going to want to be apart yet again... So, we just decided to wait to meet for the first time until we fully move to Cali, because we can save more money that way. FYI, we know each other well enough to know that we're just going to love each other to death in person, so we're not afraid of anything bad happening.

Alex has saved up $800 to go toward a house+deposit rental, while my parents and I are trying to save up as well (we're splitting rent 4 ways). We should have enough by next month, and we're shooting for August as the move date.

But here is the COMPLICATED PART:

Alex works at a Walmart in Los Angeles, CA. I work at a Walmart in Kentucky. We've been looking at houses in Bakersfield, CA for several months (we're all going to move there together), and we've finally started calling landlords/realtors. The issue is that most of them want us to only contact them just a couple weeks before we move there, because house rentals disappear so quickly and they want them rented ASAP, which makes sense. But we also need to wait for our job transfers to be approved, and when they are, we have to wait 3 weeks (or whenever the new pay period begins) for our new schedules to start at our new store. We're TRYING to make it so that both of our store transfers COINCIDE (it doesn't need to be perfect) with a house rental ready for us to move in. It's proving to be difficult, but it's not impossible to do, haha.

...so if anyone has any experience or can offer any advice regarding that problem, that would be nice, hahaha.

When Alex and I meet, we intend on recording it so that we have that permanent memory & shock factor to look back on, so I will upload more videos of us on my youtube channel. I also want to vlog a while before we meet to provide updates on how everything is going. I don't get many youtube views, but I just want to do for therapeutic reasons. I'm learning that I have pretty bad social anxiety, which explains a lot of the last 17 years of my life, xD

I'm not really looking for much on this website. You can give support, advice, warnings, feedback, love me & my situation or hate it... I don't care haha. I'm just posting here to post here because that's what this place is for, and I thought some of you might find it interesting. ^^ Not many people support LDRs, and I'm so happy that there are communities such as this who do! <3

Anyway, thanks for listening

[R&R]

It is an interesing story.

I only have a couple of pieces of advice. I understand wanting to make when you move be the first time you meet - but I would highly recommend at least one meeting prior to the move. Not only are you moving, but your whole family is. Connections online can be wonderful and carry over to real life. However, there are times when people have such an amazing connection then meet and it's just not there. It's happened to others on here and it's happened to me. It doesn't mean the other person was a bad person or anything like that - it was just that connection didn't carry over to when we were in person. You have a lot riding on this.

Second, I lived in Bakersfield for 14 months and couldn't get out of there fast enough. I come from the East Coast and the culture shock was incredible. Until you experience, you can't understand it. I come from a small town in a rural area. Though Boston and NYC are both pretty close, nothing prepared me for Bakersfield. What made you choose Bakersfield? IMHO, I would be looking for a different area of CA if you are insisting on living in CA.

[differentcountries]

I second that moving together and meeting at the same time is not a good idea, especially since the plan is for the both of you to change jobs and move to a 3rd location.

I am not sure why you plan it out in this complicated way. It is difficult enough for one person to move/change jobs. Are you parents going to change jobs, too? Do you know other people who live there, since you have your eyes set on it?

I would say at least have two meets in person before you finally decide to move together - and the 2nd trip should include the actual location you plan to move to, if you are not already very familiar with the place (the same goes for your parents, btw).

An easier plan would be for you and your parents to move to a flat (or temporary guest house) once you get a new job in that place. And for him to visit and try to relocate afterwords.

I understand that you try to ease you social anxiety by making sure that all ducks are in order at the same time, but you risk to crash and burn for exactly the reasons mentioned. These things are usually challenging also for people who dont struggle with these issues. I for instance dont have an ounce of social anxiety, but I am introvert and use a long time to settle in new places and make friends. Even just settling in a new job - without moving! - can take up to a year for an ordinary person. Dont underestimate how hard it can be to carry out all these changes. You plan to start you first meeting with living together, and with your parents too. In a strange city, with new jobs for all of you. That is a very complicated plan.

It is simply so that a lot of things about a person you can only learn when you are with them in person. They are not neccesarily "bad" things, but points to the logic to who they are. Meeting up will simply make you better suited to find out not only IF - but also HOW - you are going to live together. For instance, I never knew until SO and I went grocery shopped together how peculiar he is about being frugal. That is not neccesarily a bad trait - actually I think it is 99 % wonderful - but it was useful information for me in order to find out what kind of person he is and what kind of life we can expect to have together.