I need words of wisdom!

[JDlover]

So we are closing the distance in one month, he is moving to my country and I am so greatful about that!!! But I went so much out of my way to find a new job and get better pay so we can live confortably together... he on the other hand wants to do a waiter part time job and even though he has a good opportunity for a job in his line of studies he doesnt want that because he feels that it is already a difficult change for him to move, so he wants a simple job!

I am so dissapointed in this because as a waiter job he will work out different hours from me so our hours will be different and we cannot manage with a part time pay especially since i wil start school in october!

Am i being inconsiderate?

[snow]

How good is his English? I see he is Hungarian so I can imagine him being worried about performing well in his line of studies if he can't really communicate his wisdom. Being a waiter is easier and more forgiving I'd assume.

[JDlover]

Yes he is Hungarian, his english is pretty good but he doesnt see it so he is really anxious about that! That is what he said exactly, that as a waiter it would be more forgiving!

It's just that the way I see it, if there is an opportunity why not take it? And it scares me that we are closing the distance to live together but our times are already clashing, so it's pretty sad for me that he is giving up an 8-5 job.

Unfortunately Im an over thinking meticulous planner so I need to calm down and realise only time will tell

[erwin1973]

I think you can assume safely he's not going to be a waiter the rest of his life...
Since moving over to you is already a big step and it will change a lot in his head, I can imagine a difficult job is going to add more stress... So I would say, let it be for a while. When he feels more confident, just rise the topic again.

[snow]

I would take it slowly. Ask him to apply for both positions and see where things go, this way he might feel a little less anxious about it.

Moving to a different country is very scary and especially if your not confident in your ability to speak the country's language. The first few months working were tough for me because I wasn't sure if my English skills were sufficient and I was constantly worried that I could get fired for that - as you can tell, I have anxiety as well :P

Maybe bring up the positive and negative sides to both jobs!

[JDlover]

Thank you so much! I was stressing about making him feel at home as much as possible so this is another part of that!
I can understand feeling anxious about your abilities it's just I hate that he'll be missing an opportunity.
I already told him pros and cons for each maybe I can suggest to at least try to apply for it, an interview will sill be a good experience for future interviews

Thank you both of you for such amazing advice! Everything is new for me and im stressing about finances and closing the distance is scary, how different it will be to living with someone as opposed to skyping everyday