we want different things

[differentcountries]

You mention that he understands almost half of what he hears in Hebrew, and knows how to say full sentences. That is advanced beginner's level/everyday conversation level, but not study level.

I belive he will need to study the language for a few more years to be able to work using this language. Do you think he can do that in his own country?

If you speak Italian, an option could also be to immigrate to him (although I am aware that the job market there is not the best).

As I understand it, your plan is to get a job where you can have room and board included and he can stay there too?

You are impatient, which can be both a good and a bad quality. Just be aware to let him set the pace as well.

[autumn1790]

Breathe.
Don't miss the present because you're living in the future.
I'm a planner as well, but agonizing over each detail only causes unneeded stress, and more than likely, life will not go the way you plan it. It's okay to think ahead, but be prepared to see your plans crumble to dust. It's the way life is.
I agree with Erwin...let your SO make his own decisions. You may give your input, but in an objective, unbiased way. Don't guilt trip him for maybe thinking outside your box. You guys are an equal team--everyone counts.

[Nettaly]

You mention that he understands almost half of what he hears in Hebrew, and knows how to say full sentences. That is advanced beginner's level/everyday conversation level, but not study level.

I belive he will need to study the language for a few more years to be able to work using this language. Do you think he can do that in his own country?

If you speak Italian, an option could also be to immigrate to him (although I am aware that the job market there is not the best).

As I understand it, your plan is to get a job where you can have room and board included and he can stay there too?

You are impatient, which can be both a good and a bad quality. Just be aware to let him set the pace as well.

about the Hebrew there are two important things to give notice to - 1. he is very intelligent, knows languages and gets them quickly. and 2. it's a matter of luck, that out languages have a very similar mentality, which means - when I want to speak Italian, I literaly translate word by word Hebrew and mostly it's the same words, the same for slang and everyday words.. I know Hebrew is more difficulte since it's different letters, but as I said, there are a lot of ways to learn quick and easy, giving that us Israelies talk a lot! (as you can see from everything I write and we are also english speakers, there are immigrants in Israel that never bothered to learn Hebrew because English is available everywhere - schools, comanies, goverment institutes and in general with the Israeli sociaty. (Europe is the worst when it come to speaking English!)

about the job and appartment, this is not a plan, this is something I already have! I have planned this from a year back but it already is! and about going to Italia to work, this is what I meant with the two years window - after that I really don't mine living in Italia or the US or even India! having a dagree is important and could help me get a job, even though my love's cousin's girlfriend has a first and second dagree and she lives in Roma working in babysitting! so nothing is promised there! (I truly believe economicly Israel is better.. it's not like Europe but at least we are a warm sociaty haha)

yes I am very impatience - I want what I want and as fast as possible, but I am also very patient (had to learn it to survive this world) which means I don't go crazy or become nervous when I don't get what I want when I want it !! hahaha
and as for him, he is worse than I am! very impatient and becomes nervous when he doesnt get what he want as fast as possible!!

the point is that he doesnt know what he wants!
I am waiting for it, and in the meanwhile I want to be ready for what I want.. if he will decide otherwise I will have to accept it

[erwin1973]

I believe it takes two to have a bad relationship..

Yeah... You can't have a bad relationship all by yourself, right? Unless you hate yourself. Then you have a bad relationship with yourself.

As I said, your way of thinking is not mine. Let's just agree to disagree. I wish you luck. But since you ask for help, may be you should take some advice from some people here. All I see you doing is getting more headstrong and getting more into your own ways, countering what everyone says and not even listing to what suggestions are offered.

That makes me curious to why you ask in the first place, if you're not willing to take some advice?

[Nettaly]

Breathe.
Don't miss the present because you're living in the future.
I'm a planner as well, but agonizing over each detail only causes unneeded stress, and more than likely, life will not go the way you plan it. It's okay to think ahead, but be prepared to see your plans crumble to dust. It's the way life is.
I agree with Erwin...let your SO make his own decisions. You may give your input, but in an objective, unbiased way. Don't guilt trip him for maybe thinking outside your box. You guys are an equal team--everyone counts.

it's hard to get people through the screen, I live in the future, yes, but you know what? the future is now! and a minute ago is already the past! I really don't believe in putting stress on ourselves, I am over it, and if I have any stress right now it's 2 tests next week which I am avoiding from studyind to, finding distractions like this forum!

as I said a few times, he is free, I will accept his desicion, I don't bring closing the distant every chance, and what he wants matter to me a lot, I really want him to be happy.

the plans are not made to happen, they are made to give us a way, and we just have to know our next step to go forword, and plans can be changed at every moment and it's wrong to continue a plan if it's not right for you anymore.

you said a lot of what I have said before, when the important is that we are partners and we should be heard equally and support each other with every desicion that we are sure of

[Nettaly]

Yeah... You can't have a bad relationship all by yourself, right? Unless you hate yourself. Then you have a bad relationship with yourself.

As I said, your way of thinking is not mine. Let's just agree to disagree. I wish you luck. But since you ask for help, may be you should take some advice from some people here. All I see you doing is getting more headstrong and getting more into your own ways, countering what everyone says and not even listing to what suggestions are offered.

That makes me curious to why you ask in the first place, if you're not willing to take some advice?

I actually took planty of advices from the great people here (things I've implemented in my communication with him), and I agree with a lot. I have my opinions, yes, and I also like hearing others, and most of my long answers are just because I'd like to give a positive side to the negative opinions, and to reinforce the positive ones.

yes, if you can't love yourself you won't be able to love anyone, and this is the most important lesson a person can learn.
and the help I need is in the sense that I feel very alone in my relationship, not in the matter of being loves, I do feel like I have my special someone that loves me and cares about me, but in the sense that I miss talking feelings and I miss being understood and I miss having someone to communicate with.

maybe it's because of where I come from which makes me develope everything deeper and deeper, and I don't see it as a problem I think it's beautiful to communicate and to share points of view

[Nettaly]

I would like to tell everyone that has shared their prespactive, that I am gratefull for responding and sharing.
it has been very difficult to be away from my SO (I have no idea what that stands for) and I am happy to have put all of my thoughts, worries, willings and feelings out, it's important to relax and take it easy.

I wish everyone a lot of luck in their relationships, just do what you have to do to be happy, I know I will
before I wrote here I had a lot of feelings that told me maybe he is not that in to me that he has not decided what to do yet, I was scared he is still in touch with me because it doesnt take a lot of his time.

being here made me understand that just because I can't see him and feel him doesnt mean that he is not the one that I love anymore, and I find myself remembering everything that I love about him and smiling, and everything that he does that makes me crazy also makes me smile..

I needed to know that closing the distance is something that will be normal that it's difficult to do, and y'all have made me see it and not putting to much meaning in to him not making this desicion.

it is so possible in my point of view, but it's possible only with will, and if he doesnt have the will so it's better to leave it for now..
thanks again and a lifetime of happiness

[Moon]

it has been very difficult to be away from my SO (I have no idea what that stands for)

SO = Significant Other

[Nettaly]

SO = Significant Other

beautiful

[differentcountries]

about the Hebrew there are two important things to give notice to - 1. he is very intelligent, knows languages and gets them quickly. and 2. it's a matter of luck, that out languages have a very similar mentality, which means - when I want to speak Italian, I literaly translate word by word Hebrew and mostly it's the same words, the same for slang and everyday words.. I know Hebrew is more difficulte since it's different letters, but as I said, there are a lot of ways to learn quick and easy, giving that us Israelies talk a lot! (as you can see from everything I write and we are also english speakers, there are immigrants in Israel that never bothered to learn Hebrew because English is available everywhere - schools, comanies, goverment institutes and in general with the Israeli sociaty. (Europe is the worst when it come to speaking English!)

about the job and appartment, this is not a plan, this is something I already have! I have planned this from a year back but it already is! and about going to Italia to work, this is what I meant with the two years window - after that I really don't mine living in Italia or the US or even India! having a dagree is important and could help me get a job, even though my love's cousin's girlfriend has a first and second dagree and she lives in Roma working in babysitting! so nothing is promised there! (I truly believe economicly Israel is better.. it's not like Europe but at least we are a warm sociaty haha)

yes I am very impatience - I want what I want and as fast as possible, but I am also very patient (had to learn it to survive this world) which means I don't go crazy or become nervous when I don't get what I want when I want it !! hahaha
and as for him, he is worse than I am! very impatient and becomes nervous when he doesnt get what he want as fast as possible!!

the point is that he doesnt know what he wants!
I am waiting for it, and in the meanwhile I want to be ready for what I want.. if he will decide otherwise I will have to accept it

I understand this, but I also noted that you said that he also started to learn English only recently. So that he is at basic level of both Hebrew and English, and that he was very frustrated the last time because it was hard for him to live there without being able to make himself understood. I think that because you yourself take to languages easily, you underestimate how difficult it can be for your SO to get to a level where he speaks Hebrew or English to where he can use the languages for work (for studies you need an even higher level).

If you already have a degree, a job and a flat, that is great. But you will loose your job and your flat if you go to Italy to work. I dont know about the Israeli immigration rules, but here at least you have to have had you job for a while when you apply.

Both Italy and Isreal are fairly warm societies Both personality and climate wise. For us, Turkey is definetely prefferable when it comes to climate (that is why we want a summer home there), but work wise it makes more sense to live and work here, if my SO can learn the language. We may consider living in Turkey after a while, but for sure all the benefits related to kids are also better in my country. I know some take their kids out of school for a year to live in the other country, we might do that if it is possible with work and money. Or he may stay where he is, at least until he has learned my language a bit more. There are many options.

It sounds like your SO knows what he wants for now...to finish his education and start working in his country so he can really learn the skill. I think if he learns Hebrew in his own pace, and he has completed the training AND has some work experience, he will be better equipped to move to your country if that is what you decide. Also, if you would consider living ins his country, he will have a job to support you, when you come. Getting the both of you employed is a good way forward. Impatience and patience in the right amounts!