Hi Everyone,
So this is my first post and I honestly wish I would have done this sooner. Here's a little background on my LDR. My boyfriend, Chris, and I met during our fourth year of college and within a few months we started dating. I planned on going into a Doctorate of Physical Therapy program the following school year and he had another year of undergrad left. Last March, I had gotten denied from every school that I applied to and I was afraid to tell my parents, so instead, I came up with a plan that would keep me in Lexington for another year. I did not want to move back in with my parents, not because I wanted to stay close with Chris, but because there is nothing for me back at home. Long story short, my parents refused to listen to my plans and would not give me a chance to try it out. Instead, they forced me to move home. Chris and I had only been together for six months, but we planned to make it work. The majority of our fights in the beginning were because of my parents. My parents are racist and Chris is Mexican-American. My dad is the worst of it and my mom doesn't think she is, but she is. Still, throughout the months, Chris and I found a way to see each other and make it work. In December, I got an interview for a physical therapy program in Florida and we started talking about what would happen if I got in and all that stuff. He told me that he was going to go where I went, and that we would move in together. Well, I ended up getting denied and we didn't really talk about it again. We would mention it here and there and talk about what we would do if we didn't end up in the same state for the upcoming school year. (Side note, things have gotten better with my parents and Chris, but there's still work to be done.)
In February, I was talking to my best friend and she kept telling me that no matter what I should move in with Chris because it's financially better for us and I immediately thought to myself "I'm not ready for this." I wanted to give myself some time to really think about what I wanted to do before talking to Chris about it. In March, I had an interview for my dream school and I got in. Which was great because that meant that there was a good chance that Chris and I would be living in the same city again. When we talked about it, he mentioned living together and I told him that I wasn't ready. Unfortunately, we couldn't really talk about it since he had to go to work (poor timing on my part). We eventually talked about it, but things really haven't been the same. About two weeks ago, he got accepted into an Athletic Training program and it was official, we would both be together starting in August. But nothing got better. It seems like we finally got what we wanted, but it's tearing us apart at the same time. All we do is fight, we can't even go two days without one of us getting mad at the other, and it's not like it's over anything big. For example, we got into a fight last Friday because I got mad that he didn't tell me he had to something for class after he got out of work. We talk about what we want and expect from the other, but it doesn't seem like we comprehend what the other is saying. Every time I try to vent to him or I get upset and try to tell him what he did wrong, he turns around and blames me for it. For example, I'll tell him that I'm upset that he doesn't talk to me and he'll just say 'we'll you're not talking either.' Which is true, but sometimes I need him to talk and to start stuff. It just feels like ever since I told him I wasn't ready to move in with him, things have changed between us. He tells me that he's over it and it's not the reason why he's treating me the way that he is. We got into a fight last night and didn't finish it till this morning. But we agreed, that next time we see each other (which is next weekend), that we would talk to each other about our expectations and what we want. Do y'all have any advice as to what we can talk about? Like what is worth mentioning and what is not? We won't have that much time together since I'll be there with my parents, but it's the only time that we have for another month. We both want to work this out, but we don't know how to stop getting into fights.
Sorry for the lengthly post, I just felt like I needed to say all of that. I hope this all makes sense. I appreciate all the help
So this is my first post and I honestly wish I would have done this sooner. Here's a little background on my LDR. My boyfriend, Chris, and I met during our fourth year of college and within a few months we started dating. I planned on going into a Doctorate of Physical Therapy program the following school year and he had another year of undergrad left. Last March, I had gotten denied from every school that I applied to and I was afraid to tell my parents, so instead, I came up with a plan that would keep me in Lexington for another year. I did not want to move back in with my parents, not because I wanted to stay close with Chris, but because there is nothing for me back at home. Long story short, my parents refused to listen to my plans and would not give me a chance to try it out. Instead, they forced me to move home. Chris and I had only been together for six months, but we planned to make it work. The majority of our fights in the beginning were because of my parents. My parents are racist and Chris is Mexican-American. My dad is the worst of it and my mom doesn't think she is, but she is. Still, throughout the months, Chris and I found a way to see each other and make it work. In December, I got an interview for a physical therapy program in Florida and we started talking about what would happen if I got in and all that stuff. He told me that he was going to go where I went, and that we would move in together. Well, I ended up getting denied and we didn't really talk about it again. We would mention it here and there and talk about what we would do if we didn't end up in the same state for the upcoming school year. (Side note, things have gotten better with my parents and Chris, but there's still work to be done.)
In February, I was talking to my best friend and she kept telling me that no matter what I should move in with Chris because it's financially better for us and I immediately thought to myself "I'm not ready for this." I wanted to give myself some time to really think about what I wanted to do before talking to Chris about it. In March, I had an interview for my dream school and I got in. Which was great because that meant that there was a good chance that Chris and I would be living in the same city again. When we talked about it, he mentioned living together and I told him that I wasn't ready. Unfortunately, we couldn't really talk about it since he had to go to work (poor timing on my part). We eventually talked about it, but things really haven't been the same. About two weeks ago, he got accepted into an Athletic Training program and it was official, we would both be together starting in August. But nothing got better. It seems like we finally got what we wanted, but it's tearing us apart at the same time. All we do is fight, we can't even go two days without one of us getting mad at the other, and it's not like it's over anything big. For example, we got into a fight last Friday because I got mad that he didn't tell me he had to something for class after he got out of work. We talk about what we want and expect from the other, but it doesn't seem like we comprehend what the other is saying. Every time I try to vent to him or I get upset and try to tell him what he did wrong, he turns around and blames me for it. For example, I'll tell him that I'm upset that he doesn't talk to me and he'll just say 'we'll you're not talking either.' Which is true, but sometimes I need him to talk and to start stuff. It just feels like ever since I told him I wasn't ready to move in with him, things have changed between us. He tells me that he's over it and it's not the reason why he's treating me the way that he is. We got into a fight last night and didn't finish it till this morning. But we agreed, that next time we see each other (which is next weekend), that we would talk to each other about our expectations and what we want. Do y'all have any advice as to what we can talk about? Like what is worth mentioning and what is not? We won't have that much time together since I'll be there with my parents, but it's the only time that we have for another month. We both want to work this out, but we don't know how to stop getting into fights.
Sorry for the lengthly post, I just felt like I needed to say all of that. I hope this all makes sense. I appreciate all the help
The reality of the distance ending is not always peachy. You guys have been LDR for most of your relationship, so it is going to be a big change! Change is scary! On this forum SO many people post about getting in fights or things getting "weird" leading up to a visit or closing the distance. That could be getting to you guys as well. I'm sure he does feel a bit rejected since he told you he would move to florida for you and in with you, and now you're telling him you're not ready, though telling you he's "over it" isn't the best way to deal.
Comment