Hi! I’m writing here to get your advice, I’m totally lost and need some good advice!
So I have just moved to Canada for PhD studies at one of its best universities, I’ve worked so hard to get into this university and make this happen! I started working on moving to Canada for PhD studies 3 years ago. After my master, I decided to work and save some money to have financial support when I move to Canada. So I worked at a well-known hi-tech company and got good salary, though I wasn’t happy about my work and still wanted to pursue PhD at Canada. During my work there, I met a guy who became my boyfriend! Things between us moved quickly and everything is good and he was so supportive (and still). He’s 24 years old and I’m 26 years old so I was a bit confused about our ages at the beginning but now it’s totally fine.
We talked about the future of this relationship and I met his family and we agreed that we wanna share life and have our own family! Deep inside, I feel that I’m fully ready to get married and wanna have a stable relationship and (maybe) kids, but I feel he’s still young and still needs time to figure things out, he needs at least two more years! He’s a technician but now he wanna pursue bachelor and he believe that this will be an obstacle for our relationship (specially that we’re coming from a very conservative society such that I cannot introduce him to my family without getting engaged immediately..).
Anyways I moved to Canada about month and half ago and since then I’ve been struggling to live here and do things related to research and looking for reasons to get back to my home country because I miss my boyfriend and cannot do the long distance relationship!
So there’s 12 hours difference in time and we struggle to talk at least two time a day, my social life here sucks cause I know no one here! I also just realized that my supervisor is not a good supervisor in terms of research, he’s super nice but he’s always busy and never there to guide his students and that made me think again about this PhD!
I’m home sick (although I have always dreamt about escaping from my traditional family and society), I miss my boyfriend and wanna be with him (even if we gonna meet only once a week!) and feel unsecure on this PhD because of what I heard about my supervisor (I see that he doesn’t care much about me..).
I thought about quitting my PhD and go back to work at the hi-tech company, but to be honest this decision is kind of a failure for me! I thought maybe I should survive here and build a new life (I know it’s hard and gonna take a lot of time..). I though maybe I can pursue PhD studies back at my home country (universities there are really good and I can easily get a good offer with a salary even better than what I get here at Canada).
I talked about this to my boyfriend and told him that I knew moving to Canada gonna be hard but having this relationship (it started about a year ago) changed the way I look at things and I do think my relationship this important for me just as pursuing PhD.
He tried to help; he said maybe we can both move to Germany and I can study there and you might find a new PhD there. He was interested in coming even to Canada for me. Or I might just quit this PhD and work at my home country for three years and then we get married and go abroad.
Again he’s not ready yet to get married and I totally understand it but I’m ready and I do wanna be in a mature, stable and close relationship! I don’t if quitting this PhD and going back there would the right decision. I don’t wanna make a decision and regret it after few years, to be honest I’m not even sure if this relationship gonna last for ever thus I wanna make a decision without taking it into consideration but I’m not able to do it..
I’d really appreciate your advice! Any opinion would be really helpful, I do wanna look at this situation from a different corner so please help me do so!
So I have just moved to Canada for PhD studies at one of its best universities, I’ve worked so hard to get into this university and make this happen! I started working on moving to Canada for PhD studies 3 years ago. After my master, I decided to work and save some money to have financial support when I move to Canada. So I worked at a well-known hi-tech company and got good salary, though I wasn’t happy about my work and still wanted to pursue PhD at Canada. During my work there, I met a guy who became my boyfriend! Things between us moved quickly and everything is good and he was so supportive (and still). He’s 24 years old and I’m 26 years old so I was a bit confused about our ages at the beginning but now it’s totally fine.
We talked about the future of this relationship and I met his family and we agreed that we wanna share life and have our own family! Deep inside, I feel that I’m fully ready to get married and wanna have a stable relationship and (maybe) kids, but I feel he’s still young and still needs time to figure things out, he needs at least two more years! He’s a technician but now he wanna pursue bachelor and he believe that this will be an obstacle for our relationship (specially that we’re coming from a very conservative society such that I cannot introduce him to my family without getting engaged immediately..).
Anyways I moved to Canada about month and half ago and since then I’ve been struggling to live here and do things related to research and looking for reasons to get back to my home country because I miss my boyfriend and cannot do the long distance relationship!
So there’s 12 hours difference in time and we struggle to talk at least two time a day, my social life here sucks cause I know no one here! I also just realized that my supervisor is not a good supervisor in terms of research, he’s super nice but he’s always busy and never there to guide his students and that made me think again about this PhD!
I’m home sick (although I have always dreamt about escaping from my traditional family and society), I miss my boyfriend and wanna be with him (even if we gonna meet only once a week!) and feel unsecure on this PhD because of what I heard about my supervisor (I see that he doesn’t care much about me..).
I thought about quitting my PhD and go back to work at the hi-tech company, but to be honest this decision is kind of a failure for me! I thought maybe I should survive here and build a new life (I know it’s hard and gonna take a lot of time..). I though maybe I can pursue PhD studies back at my home country (universities there are really good and I can easily get a good offer with a salary even better than what I get here at Canada).
I talked about this to my boyfriend and told him that I knew moving to Canada gonna be hard but having this relationship (it started about a year ago) changed the way I look at things and I do think my relationship this important for me just as pursuing PhD.
He tried to help; he said maybe we can both move to Germany and I can study there and you might find a new PhD there. He was interested in coming even to Canada for me. Or I might just quit this PhD and work at my home country for three years and then we get married and go abroad.
Again he’s not ready yet to get married and I totally understand it but I’m ready and I do wanna be in a mature, stable and close relationship! I don’t if quitting this PhD and going back there would the right decision. I don’t wanna make a decision and regret it after few years, to be honest I’m not even sure if this relationship gonna last for ever thus I wanna make a decision without taking it into consideration but I’m not able to do it..
I’d really appreciate your advice! Any opinion would be really helpful, I do wanna look at this situation from a different corner so please help me do so!
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