How did you adjust when you closed the distance?

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly about closing the distance. I'm especially interested in responses from international couples.

1) What was an issue that you expected, and how did you navigate it?

2) What was the thing you never considered that caught you out?

3) What were you expecting to be an issue, that then wasn't?

[BaconGirl05]

Closing the distance was a very exciting, but stressful time for us. I moved from the US to Australia to be with my partner. I knew that it would be a long and expensive process for us, so we were prepared for it. I also knew what visa we needed to apply for, but it was a lot of information to take in all at once. My SO and I met with a lawyer initially so we could get some things clarified for us about what we needed and the visa process. We decided not to go with a lawyer because they were expensive and we felt as though we could handle all the paperwork ourselves (which we ultimately did). We applied in August 2016.

The price of the visa was scary. It was a lot of money, but that was to be expected, so we prepared the best we could. It took us a few months to gather the evidence for the visa. We were aware that the processing time takes years and we weren't able to change that. I wouldn't say that there wasn't anything we didn't consider. I'm the type of person who likes to be organised and prepared for anything. That's exactly what we did. Essentially the government was the one in control of if I could stay or if I had to leave (if I would be accepted or denied) and that was definitely a scary thought. There wasn't really anything we could do after applying except to wait. Despite the fact that the government had a say in our relationship, we started our lives together. We did have a plan for if I was denied permanent residence and we talked about what our future would then look like at that point. I wanted prepare just in case of a denial. There was no point in stressing about the outcome.

I was honestly expecting that the time we spent together in person or that we met online would be an issue. We met online in 2011, I flew to Australia to meet my SO for the first time in Sept 2014 and stayed for 6 months. I went back to the US in 2015. I flew in to surprised my SO in Feb 2016 on his birthday, and I only expected to stay for 3 months. He proposed to me shortly after that time and that's when we decided that we would start the visa process. We both didn't want to do long distance anymore. I never flew back to the US because we started our paperwork and submitted it before my visa expired. We were young as well (19 & 21) so I was worried about our ages as well when applying for the visa.

I wasn't granted my permanent residence till August 2019, so it definitely was a long wait. It was tough not being able to legally work until the government told me I could. We knew I'd have to rely on him financially, so that wasn't a surprise. I just didn't expect how difficult that would be. We got there in the end. We both have full time jobs and I'm studying as well. Something that was particularly hard for me was putting things on hold. I couldn't legally work or study until the government gave me the green light. Furthering my education was something I always valued, but it was frustrating that I couldn't start it on my own terms. I didn't mind starting over, but I had no friends or family here. I have a best friend here now and things have gotten better for me socially. I still struggle with my family being so far away. Especially now that we're expecting our first baby and my family isn't here. Those little things of not having friends or family here was something that I didn't think would be so difficult for me.

Despite all of that, I am so happy here. Closing the distance and moving to Australia was a great decision and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.