Have you ever been scared?

[MorgsLily]

Hello lovely members,

first of all...the good news is...we finally met in person after 4 years and 9 months of being nevermets and a cancelled meeting in May 2020 due to Covid. We met here in Germany and my man stayed with me for 14 days. It was amazing. Everything just fell into place and we both were heartbroken when he had to return home. He wouldn't have if he didn't have dogs to watch after at home.
Now...we're looking into ways to close the distance. The plan is that I go over to the States to see him there and his country and after that we wanna move forward and do everything we need to do for him to come here to Germany so that we can live together. It makes the most sense since I'm still working and can't leave my job and he's already retired.
The reason I decided to reach out to you all here is that you probably know best how it is.
It's overwhelming in my head already and we're not even close to starting the process. But in my mind are already a thousand things we need to do and a thousand things that can go wrong and a thousand ways our plans can just get wrecked by German laws and regulations.

Does any of you know that dilemma? How did you deal with it?

At this point...searching the internet just drives me more crazy so I'm trying to stay away from it, but it's hard.
We have an appointment with an immigration lawyer here in Germany in December, but that's plenty of time for my head to spin round and round every day all day long.
My man is calmer than me. He's always listening to me, but at some point it can get too much and I don't want to overburden him. Because if we both were as crazy as me we'd probably never start the process out of fear what could go wrong.
I'm especially scared about health insurance...that we won't find any for him since he has preexisting conditions...but it's too early to start searching.
Sigh...sometimes it's hard to be me.

Any advice is welcome...how did you get through the uncertainty of things? How did you cope with not knowing if everything works out the way you want it to?

[uniquefem]

Hi there, congrats on the first meeting!
Before the covid all of these shenanigan's about immigration things related to marriage is already very challenging. But then theres covid. I can assure you, from my previous experience with my germany ex, the process would be lots easier if hes the one that goes to Germany---compare to the other way around. None of the USA immigration process through marriage that has processing time LESS than 1 year. At least in Germany the whole thing that ade it harder (before covid) is the person who wants to move have to had this language certification---but i dont know now.

I do the other way around, i am doing my whole crazy immigration process to USA.

Fear? of course! definitely. In this times, we know nothing that sure because rules can possibly change within weeks or days.

But all you can definitely do communicate to each other even better. Tell him about what you fear of and what made you stressed out.

In beginning of the process, i feel so overwhelmed and i feel that i got almost zero help to gather documents from now my husband. But then after i communicate with hi, he can understand and trying to help as much as he can, including to assure me everything will be all right.

Once you start, i think it will be very difficult for you to let your self to stop. Because its like hiking a hill---you start it you have to finish it. Worry less, its just a test for the relationship it self. I hope you both can go through this together and actually this whole process can make you both grow stronger together!

[MorgsLily]

Thank you so much for you answer uniquefem. You helped me tons!

He's the one who will make the move from the States to Germany since I'm still working. And yes...it looks like it's the easier way to do it especially since we're not the youngest chicken anymore.
The permanent move is still ways down the road, so I'm not too stressed about the language test...yet...
But I'm much calmer now. I was able to open up to my man that I'm really really scared. I was even scared to chase him away with that or that he would change his decision. But that didn't happen. We agreed that I'm usually taking too big bites at once. The big picture still scares me like crazy...the logistics of everything.
So I need to step back and look for the next little step which is the appointment at the immigration lawyer's office in a few weeks. I'm aware that might shatter our plan, but it could also be a good talk. I'm trying to stay neutral in regards to the results.
At the beginning of the year we're planning a roadtrip in the US, so that's a nice thing to focus on.
I try not to get caught in the overthinking loop I was in. Life is much better without.

Knowing that other people are overwhelmed over immigration helps a lot.
And I agree...going through this together can make us stronger. I'm imagining us 5 years from now...living under the same roof...thinking back to the stressful immigration process...and it'll be a good memory, because it brought us together.

[IsabellaMason]

yes, I agree too

[MorgsLily]

Hi all! I wanted to give you a little update.
We had a lovely 3 week road trip in the US. I just got home a few days ago and apparently I'm still suffering from the jetlag. I'm pretty miserable.
Or it could be because a lot of stuff is happening all of a sudden at once.
My man officially proposed to me on the trip and I officially said yes. I said "officially" because inofficially it was already all planned and such like I stated above in my post.
Since I'm back I'm back to being scared like crazy though.
The talk with the immigration lawyer in December was very positive. There's still the problem of health insurance for my man in Germany. Biggest problem of all. It's not that easy to find one which covers pre-existing conditions and then also to a price we can afford. Not having any numbers at this point is scaring me so much. I started to reach out to start to solve the problem, but the first person didn't have much good news for me and that totally threw me off guard since the lawyer was so optimistic even with the insurance situation.
My man is figurin out his situation over there now with a divorce and everything. I'm just so scared that we won't manage to get him covered here in Germany and that he will end up homeless in the US. I can't bring my mind to quiet down. I reached out to my counselor today to get some relief. I don't want to overwhelm my man with my worries because he has enough on his plate right now. He knows I'm scared. He knows why I'm scared. I think I'm overreacting but finding a way to get out of this panic is overwhelming in itself.

[MorgsLily]

Hey all!

I thought I should give an update about our Situation.
Well...things developed really fast after January. My fiance came over to Germany for 2 months. Very imposrtant since he was the one making the move. He could see in this time what it was like to live in Germany.
It was great and really to let him go after his time was up. In his time here we hired an international moving company. Already before he came over we set a date for the wedding, hired a wedding agency in Las Vegas and booked the whole wedding trip for September.
So the last months have been a rollercoaster of emotionslos, but most of all just busy to no end. My life pretty much changed completely.
end.We are now married and living together in Germany. Tim's studf is supposed to arrive in a container at some point in the future. We're currently trying to get all the paperwork done for Germany which might be easier than in the US, but still a lot and overwhelming. We are so far in the process being already married but I'm still afraid to mess anything up. Hopefully we get it all sorted out. My Mantra is that in 5 years all of this won't matter because it will be done by then.
Otherwise we're just setting up our life. It's a lot, but every day makes it a lottle bit better. We got a puppy 2 weeks ago, since Tim had to leave his 2 dogs behind. Next week we'll get a motorcycle for Tim. It was very hard for him to sell his car and with that give up his mobility to a degree. So this will help him feel better and more independent. And then there's the language barrier. He needs to start learning German. Not for immigration, but there will be days when I can’t be here to translate for him.
I hope that everything has settled down in a few months. I wouldn't want to have it different, but I also didn't expect to be that busy all the time. On top of that I'm working full time, so there are days when I just fall asleep at 8 pm.
Our wedding was perfect though. At Red Rock Canyon outside of Las Vegas. Just me, Tim, my brother and his wife, Tim's son and his wife. We had Lots of fun in the Limousine, drinking Champagne and listening to music and very nice Mexican dinner in the evening. The day went by faaaaar to quick, but if I had to, I would do it the exact same way all over again. The next evening we saw Cirque du Soleil as our wedding gift to ourselves. Amazing.

What a year. Our first meeting in September 2021, my trip to the US in January, Tim here from May to July and then our wedding trip in September. Crazy amazing, busy, worth it, my biggest adventure ever.

[morris rory]

As weird and desperate as this sounds, when my suspicions of my spouse became high, i had to contact a techie to help me gain access into my spouse's phone just to get me off my suspicions of her cheating, to cut long story short, the techie successfully gained access into my spouse's phone and the information i got gave me peace of mind. Feel free to text the techie if you're found in the same situation

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