When's the right time?

[1_click_away]

Although Ryan and I have only know each other for a little over 2 months, met and became official almost a month now, I think about the future a lot. We met online and have only spent 2 1/2 DAYS physically together. I know it's way to soon to really be planning anything and what not, but I do think about it a lot.

For those of you who have met online....when do you know when the time is right to close the distance? We are only able to see each other once every 2 months/1.5 months and only for a weekend at a time. Our plan as of now is I'm going to see him next month, he'll come to me in Jan/Feb and we'll plan something after that and whatnot...Come May/June time the plan is to re-evaluate our relationship and see where to go from there.

I know they say it's important to have an end date....but how do you decide when the time is right? It seems crazy to me to plan to move across the country after really only being physically with someone for a number of DAYS!!! How have others dealt with this??? I also have a child who is in the mix as well. We have yet to really discuss who would move, etc....He's more of a "go with the flow" kinda guy. How does this even work?!?!?!? LOL

[Silviar]

I think your plan is a really solid one. I agree, time spent together is important, but so is time spent apart. You learn a lot about people in both ways.

For you, it might work out best to consider moving close by but not in with each other - that is, keep dating and see how things go. I say this because I know having a kid means you have to put them first, and it would probably help your child adjust as well.

Personally, for my boyfriend and I, he and I have spent two weeks together. He'll be here in America for two months starting on Saturday. So when we move in together, we'll have only spent 2 months and two weeks with each other, which is pretty crazy. That's actually why I want to live together for a year while I make it on a working holiday visa. I don't want to focus on the wedding - I want us to enjoy life together and then get married. Of course, if we have to do the engaged and married bit... well, oh well. It's what I want to do anywho!

[SciFiFreak185]

Your plan sounds good to me. I don't think setting an "end date" as you put it is the number one priority at the start. As you said you have only known each other for about 2 months. Give yourself some time to find out if this relationship is worth it. Get to know each other better. I know distance isn't ideal but rushing to move across the country isn't either. As you have a child involved, you have to think about how the move would effect them. I don't know how old your child is, so please forgive me if they are very little. You could let the little one talk on the webcam/phone when you talk. I know it helps my son, my boyfriend, and I. Mine will run right up to the computer and start talking to my boyfriend. It is so cute to hear the two of them talking.

[Zephii]

I think it's way too early to have an end date and that your plan is a good one. A hell of a lot better than what I started out with!

[1_click_away]

Yes, if we ended up moving I'd def. get my own place near him, not move in with him right away. Obviously it would be a HUGE change for the little one. (She's almost 7 so I guess not so little afterall LOL) In any other relationship I'd totally have more of a "go with the flow" attitude...but the whole LDR thing makes everything so much more complicatied and unknown. I'm at the point in my life where I'm not going to waste my time on any relationship that I don't think has long term potential.....Just hard to see that from so far away....yet at the same time I don't see it any other way *sigh* We'll find a way in the end I'm sure of it!!!! thanks guys!!

[noodle]

I have known my bf for 1 1/2 years when we became official and we havent met yet and probably wont for another 6 months but I do make plans still.
I have to admitt tho that I keep my plans open. I was pushin so much for like 2-3 times already and it didnt just break me every time it didnt work, it also ended up almost ending my relationship. Thats where I realized that its important to keep an idea in mind but not push it untill we both dont know if its possible to finally meet.
And right now we are both busy with school and college so we basically wouldnt even have time to visite each other :/

Its good that you think about the plan but dont force it too much. I dont think thats good, as I have experienced myself.
As far as it comes to "the right time" I think you just feel it in some way plus you will be able to do it then.

[1_click_away]

Well we had this talk the other day, although it seems a bit early, we're both very serious about our committment and hopes and dreams to be together. As he is in the air force and just re-enlisted 6 months ago, he can't really put in for a base move for another 2 years. So if we wanted to close the distance before that I'd be moving to him. We also talked about doing a "trial run" type deal, where over the summer time (While my daughter is not in school) as longs I could swing in financially that I stayed out there for a month or two, while still leaving everything here. Job wise I nanny at the moment so that wouldn't be difficult to figure out. I could try to find a furnished place out there for the 2 months, seeing as I don't think I'd want to stay with him as it would be drastic enough already for my daughter. We shall see. We're gonig to sit down over dinner next month when I fly out to see him and discuss everything. Ugh I miss him so much! but I'm SOOOO excited to plan our future together.

[mllebamako]

I think it's fine not to have an end date this early on as long as you have some sort of plan, which you do! And I think it's really smart of you to plan on having your own place when you go live near him in the beginning. You'll want to have that security for you and your daughter. That way it's not too much of a change on her.

[paulawriteslove]

The best advice I have for you is to go with the flow