Is this a bad idea?

[DarkSolitary]

Okay so, me and my SO plan on closing the distance sometime in late June. But the only problem is that we haven't even met in person yet and most likely won't be able to meet in person before he plans on moving into my parents house with me. Is it bad that we haven't even met yet and pretty much the first meeting will be when he moves here? The reason why we haven't met yet is really complicated so yeah...

Better explanation of situation:

As of right now at his mother's wishes, I am not allowed to go visit him and he's not allowed to come visit me. Reason being is my age, I'm an adult and he's still a minor. But! Most likely, when he does turn 18 in May of next year he still won't be allowed to visit me or I visit him. Yes, I realize that him being 18 grants him rights and what not but his mother is very strict and has quite the emotional hold on him and could also, if she really wanted to, destroy any friendships he has and the relationship I have with him. I am thankful she has not done this to him and to us. Anyways, she really does not approve of me. Why? Because I am not Catholic and that I'm a different race then he is. His parents also, according to their culture, do not wish for him to move out until he is 25 because apparently ( I say apparently because I do not know a whole lot about the Mexican culture) children in Mexico do not move out of their parents house until 25. Now theres some other reasons too that they don't want him to move out. They are afraid he is gonna do what his best friend did and cut contact with them, which when the time comes for him to announce his departure (which will not be pretty i will tell you x_x) he will assure them that he will call them everyday or at least once a week and visit when he can. He will also be attending college once he gains residency here and will be trying to get a job so he can pay rent to my parents. Goddess forbid if things TRULY can't work out between me and Carlos to the point where we really can't stand each other and a relationship is just not the best idea. He has family in Washington that he could live with for awhile or he could also live with my grandmother but he could also move out if he has the financial capability OR I'm sure his mother would be fine with having him back even though the moving out thing would make their relationship a bit sticky. Me and Carlos are willing to take the challenges of possibly living together. We want to be together and if a struggle happens while he first moves here then bring it!

Although, there is a slim possibility I could meet him at his graduation. His graduation is June 10th and he plans on moving maybe late june or july. Yes, one visit isn't quite enough to tell whether one is truly compatible with a person but hey it's a risk i'm willing to take. Also, if he does move in he would have his own room in my parents house.

I'm only young once. Might as well take some risks in life, you know? This relationship might or might not work but we're willing to risk it.

But I still ask for advice x3 Since I'm only a young one after all :P

I hope maybe that explained things a bit better or maybe not. -shrugs- I tried.

[Čternity]

I think you/your parents are very generous people to have someone they or you haven't met yet move into your home. Will your SO have their own room where they can have some space if things get uncomfortable? Have you and your SO discussed what happens if it doesn't work out. Do they have a backup plan if the worst happens? But that's just me, I hope for the best but plan for the worst.

[PaperbackWriter]

I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable having someone move in with me that I've never met, in person. But I'm obviously not the one involved here, so it's really what you and your parents are comfortable with. I'd feel more comfortable if he were to rent an apartment nearby, or something, to give us time to get to know each other in person, where its not quite so easy to lie.

[DarkSolitary]

I think you/your parents are very generous people to have someone they or you haven't met yet move into your home. Will your SO have their own room where they can have some space if things get uncomfortable? Have you and your SO discussed what happens if it doesn't work out. Do they have a backup plan if the worst happens? But that's just me, I hope for the best but plan for the worst.

I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable having someone move in with me that I've never met, in person. But I'm obviously not the one involved here, so it's really what you and your parents are comfortable with. I'd feel more comfortable if he were to rent an apartment nearby, or something, to give us time to get to know each other in person, where its not quite so easy to lie.

We have and extra room adjacent to my room and we try to discuss what happens if things don't work out but it ends up depressing us and we get sad xD And he doesn't really have a whole lot of money so he can't you know just rent an apartment nearby and my SO is very trustworthy so i'm not particularly worried about him lying or cheating or whatever. The only problem is that both me and my SO are shy people xD;

[mllebamako]

Honestly, I don't think it's the best idea. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and I'm surprised that your parents are so comfortable with it. Why is it impossible to meet first?
I would wait....even if it means meeting your SO in June and then closing the distance later.

[Caitlin2009]

honestly i would wait until you at least met each other once before you make a big decision like that

[DarkSolitary]

Honestly, I don't think it's the best idea. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and I'm surprised that your parents are so comfortable with it. Why is it impossible to meet first?
I would wait....even if it means meeting your SO in June and then closing the distance later.

Well, as of right now I'm not allowed to go see him because his mom doesn't like me/trust me for very stupid reasons and she wont let him come visit me for the same stupid reasons. Well, I could go visit him for two weeks for his graduation and THEN he can move here but the whole him moving here is another issue even of itself. But anyways, I could go visit him for two weeks IF i have enough money to and IF his mom will even let me come visit :/ And believe me I was shocked too when my parents told me they were fine with him moving in. My parents actually like him alot even though they have never met him xD And I have brought up with him my concerns... I would love to close the distance with him in June but like the whole "We haven't even met in person yet" bothers me alot >.<

[lucybelle]

I would try your best to meet him first. If his mom doesn't like you, then how does she feel about him moving in with you? Plus the fact that you're living with your parents will put a whole new twist on things. He's going to have to start following someone else's rules.

And I don't care how "depressing" it is, you NEED to discuss what both of you are going to do if things don't work out. You said he doesn't have enough money for an apartment. So what would he do? I mean that's a huge huge risk he's taking, he might end up homeless? And things don't always mess up because of a cheating episode. It could be that you two realize you're not meant for each other.

I think you have a lot to think about before this move happens.

[Karringtyn]

It is A MAJOR DEAL....moving in with someone in general. There are so many things that change just living together.. My fiance and I have been together a year and I know that living together is a major change to our lives and something that I know I would have NEVER done had we not spent a great deal together. I know that love is possible before meeting, trust me I did. BUT until you are face to face with that person, you don't know how things are going to be. I am not trying to be negative, but rather real. Pratical. I am shocked that your parents would be ok with it all and encourage it.

No matter how depressing it is, talk about it. You have to. Major step.

[Caitlin2009]

It is A MAJOR DEAL....moving in with someone in general. There are so many things that change just living together.. My fiance and I have been together a year and I know that living together is a major change to our lives and something that I know I would have NEVER done had we not spent a great deal together. I know that love is possible before meeting, trust me I did. BUT until you are face to face with that person, you don't know how things are going to be. I am not trying to be negative, but rather real. Pratical. I am shocked that your parents would be ok with it all and encourage it.

No matter how depressing it is, talk about it. You have to. Major step.

big amen to that!! i love Denise with all my heart and did before i met her, but im glad she visited me a few months ago because now i know how right it feels when she's here, how right it feels sleeping in her arms, ect you have to visit each other at least once before you think about moving with each other

[kasia516]

you really need to meet in person. being with them in person is COMPLETELY different! you learn so much about them that you cant on skype. i met my bf in person before we started dating, we had been together in person for 7 weeks total. then our second visit rolled around and we had a lot of issues when we were together. you really think you know someone cuz you talk to them on skype everyday but you really dont. you dont know at all how they interact socially and how well you fit together in person. we worked through our issues, but not every visit is all fun and games. mostly because i thought i knew him and what he liked doing, but it turned out i didnt, and that was a bit shocking, after a year of knowing him, i didnt actually KNOW him. so i would not recommend moving in together before meeting. i think you need a few visits cuz the first ones are always so lovely dovey, youre finally together and you never argue and you love all the weird things about them. after a few visits you really get to know them.

[Silviar]

Okay so, me and my SO plan on closing the distance sometime in late June. But the only problem is that we haven't even met in person yet and most likely won't be able to meet in person before he plans on moving into my parents house with me. Is it bad that we haven't even met yet and pretty much the first meeting will be when he moves here? The reason why we haven't met yet is really complicated so yeah...

Your parents (and you) are very kind and generous people, to offer such a thing to someone you haven't met yet. I think it speaks a lot for all of you in the situation. Having said that, I think that while the offer is amazing, you REALLY need to meet first before that step. I'm sure you've heard it all about safety, and I'm not going to go there because I'm sure you've thought that through, but let me add that your first meeting is already going to have so many loaded emotions and things going on, and moving is SO stressful, plus dealing with adjusting to living together ESPECIALLY after being long distance - you're putting an extreme amount of pressure on your relationship, and even if it's strong and healthy, it's unfair to both of you to give yourself all of that pressure for all of those things at once all dumped in one spot.

Give yourself, and your relationship to build a bit slower and stronger of a foundation. I realize it's frustrating, but it's worth it.

Why does his mom's approval mean anything if you know she's going to be like this? Rent a hotel room or if he's in a big city check out hostels. If he's graduating, I assume he'll be 18 so he can do what he wants as well. I assume that once he moves with you she'll blow a gasket anyways, if that's her attitude about your relationship. You're not going to avoid it no matter what, although I would hope she'd at least agree to have dinner with you and your SO so she could get to know you.

[Zephii]

It is a bad idea. It sounds like something I would do
How long have you known each other online?

I'd try really hard to meet first, but if it isn't possible, then it isn't possible. What you can do is discuss the realistic points of living together. Don't talk about how great it will be and crap, talk about your expectations, how much time you think is appropriate to spend together and how much is too much. Talk about what he'll do to make friends in your area, and about having girls nights out yourself. Talk about EVERYTHING especially stupid annoying habits you both have so you're not surprised when the time comes. And, make sure he has a back up plan. That's nothing to be depressed over, you're not planning it because you assume you'll fail, you're doing it just so that when you're together you know that it's not because yous have no choice.

[DarkSolitary]

I would try your best to meet him first. If his mom doesn't like you, then how does she feel about him moving in with you? Plus the fact that you're living with your parents will put a whole new twist on things. He's going to have to start following someone else's rules.

And I don't care how "depressing" it is, you NEED to discuss what both of you are going to do if things don't work out. You said he doesn't have enough money for an apartment. So what would he do? I mean that's a huge huge risk he's taking, he might end up homeless? And things don't always mess up because of a cheating episode. It could be that you two realize you're not meant for each other.

I think you have a lot to think about before this move happens.

I have tried talking to him about my concerns and all he does is make either this face =( or this >_<. Not really good convo eh?

[DarkSolitary]

It is a bad idea. It sounds like something I would do
How long have you known each other online?

I'd try really hard to meet first, but if it isn't possible, then it isn't possible. What you can do is discuss the realistic points of living together. Don't talk about how great it will be and crap, talk about your expectations, how much time you think is appropriate to spend together and how much is too much. Talk about what he'll do to make friends in your area, and about having girls nights out yourself. Talk about EVERYTHING especially stupid annoying habits you both have so you're not surprised when the time comes. And, make sure he has a back up plan. That's nothing to be depressed over, you're not planning it because you assume you'll fail, you're doing it just so that when you're together you know that it's not because yous have no choice.

I've known him for 2 and a half years online. And actually we have talked alot about our annoying habits xD He also has family in WA if things don't work out. But whenever i try to discuss issues with him he doesn't really... reciprocrate. He just makes this =( or this >_<