Oh no! A bump in the road... Need advice!

[lucybelle]

After my SO visited last week we were all set with our future plans. He would move in with me in February, stay for 6 months, renew visa, stay another 6 months, then I would go back to Costa Rica with him for 1 year, then we would both go to South America and start a new adventure.

Well now... he just talked to his boss this morning and evidently his boss has "big plans" for him. He wants to take my SO to all these international engineering fairs, and give him a pretty big promotion. My SO wants to leave the company on good terms (so he could get his job back if it doesn't work out between us) and therefore can't quit right after he goes to these fairs. He also doesn't want to hurt his career by leaving before the fairs. He thinks the fairs are going to be in March or April... which would mean it would be JULY before he would be able to move in with me.

I want to be supportive to him because this is so important and a great opportunity for him! But I would be so hurt if I couldn't see him again until July. Sure I could visit in April... but that seems so far away and I was so looking forward to February... I mean just when he was telling me this I was tearing up... What should I do? Should I tell him how I really feel? Or just be supportive and let him make his own decisions?

[CanadianGirl]

I think you should stand by him. I'm sure he had a tough time postponing your plans and he's trying to do good for himself.

My last visit with my boyfriend was in June, and I'll see him again at the end of December. Six months seemed like such a brutally long time, but it's nearly time to see him again. You'll definitely survive it. Keep yourself busy and spend the extra time preparing to make his transition as smooth as possible.

[Silviar]

Well, in the end you can't make a decision for him - he makes the decision, although you may have a lot of influence. I would take the long view on this - him leaving on good terms and all of this is good for his career, which is in turn good for you both and your life together, especially if you're planning to live only on his income someday. I would encourage him to do that and know that 6 months may add a lot more comfort to your next 60 years together.

Good luck no matter what decision is made. You both know what's best for you.

[Karringtyn]

Look out INTO the future...right now it sucks cuz your immediate plans are being changed...but long term this will probably be the best thing.

Should you talk to him? OF course... You can talk about how it makes you feel while also being supportive..it isn't one or the other...

Take care..xxx

[Heather]

You should tell him how you're feeling and what you're thinking but at the same time support him in whatever decision he makes then when you guys are finally together, it will all be worth it Good luck.

[lucybelle]

Thanks for the advice guys!

I sort of feel like the whole "career" thing is sort of pointless (well not pointless.. but unnecessary?) for the very near future. If our relationship lasts (which we both feel it will, but who knows!) then we'll be working odds-and-ends jobs in South America for a couple years. I sort of doubt he'll land an engineering job there, and if he did it would be working against the purpose of being there to begin with-- to travel! I wanted to tell him that, but geeze if our relationship doesn't work out and he needs to get his job back he would be screwed.

I guess you're all right. I need to look into the "real" future and not in 3 months time... I think I'll tell him how it makes me feel because I don't know how much longer I can feign excitement. The last 7 months without him was soooooo long... I don't want to have to do it again

[mllebamako]

I would tell him how you feel but also give him your support. When I got a great opportunity, my SO told me how much he would miss me but that if I decided to do it, then he supported me 100% and would be there making all the extra effort that an LDR requires until I got back. So now, here we are halfway through my time away and it's really not that bad. I miss him so much but we are doing just fine.

[lucybelle]

Well all my worrying was for naught. My SO told me today that the fair is in May and that he doesn't want to wait that long to see me. I told him I want him to do what's best for him and his career, even if that means not living with me for a few more months. But he said he would rather be with me then attend this engineering fair. Yay for me!