Parents not supportive

[srigg009]

Hello everyone,
I'm here to discuss issues that are arising with my SO and I closing the distance; I'd also like to ask for advice if anyone has suggestions. Okay, so, my SO is 19 and just started going to a community college at home in Florida, I am 20 and go to a University in Virginia. I have been living on my own off and on for two years and have experience with it whereas, he doesn't. We have been together for over a year and are tired of being apart, we've only been able to visit once for a week and its getting harder and harder to be separated. I feel that at our age, because we are young adults, we are being judged unfairly based on our peers actions. My SO talked to his parents about us moving in together and they seem to not want to support us in our decision, his father keeps telling him to "not be blinded by love" and his mother keeps telling him "shacking before marriage is wrong" but! they say he could move in next year (still not married at that time). We know what problems we may run into living together, but feel that the move is completely worth it. We absolutely know that we want to get married after we finish school. We are aware of all of the financial costs and what we need to do in order to move in together and live happily. Another thing is, we have decided to wait until marriage to have sex, and our parents don't seem to believe us because of the way our generation is. They think that we won't be able to fight urges. He was here for a week and we did nothing, We have no desire whatsoever to have kids before we finish school and get married. I'm kind of at a brick wall right now with all of this. I don't know how I can get over it. If anyone has any advice on how we can persuade our parents to at least understand where we are coming from, please let me know. We are at that point in our LDR where we truly want to be together and it is getting difficult. Please and thanks!

[srigg009]

anyone?

[snow_girl]

I thought someone already replied to this. You're not always going to have the support of your parents in everything you do. Of course its always easier when they are behind you but if you want to move in with him just do it. If you want to have sex with him then its not up for your parents to decide. Not saying you are but you are old enough to make these decisions for yourself.

[kiara_silver]

This is a hard one, because parents have a big say in your life weather you want them to or not. But as my SO and everyone reminds me, its my life. You have to live it, and not let anyone hold you back. Just first stop and think, will you have any regrets? Cause thats my advice to you, live your life with no regrets.
Its hard to stand up for yourself to your parents or his parents but stay strong, and do what is best for the two of you, not anyone else. If its better to wait, then wait, or if you two are ready now and know you can handle it then go for it. Just make sure you follow your heart and your head.

[srigg009]

Thanks ladies It is very hard because even if you go ahead and do what you feel is right, despite having your parents support, they still have that influence. I just do not want to come between my SO and his family which is what makes this move hard to do. I'm hoping they come around but if they don't we are still making this move anyways and hoping that it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. If we have the means to be together and are at the right point in our life then I do not believe we should have to go through being apart.

[Joyce:)]

first of all, i wanted to say how wow, it's actually admirable that you two want to wait until after you get married.
second of all, it is your life, you have the right to be happy, and if he makes you happy and you make him happy, you deserve to go live together.
you both need to make your parents understand that yes, you might be blinded by love, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. love is life changing and it filles our lives so much more than school or a job ever could, and yes, i know love won't pay your bills, but closing the distance doesn't mean you are ruining your life.
i wish you the best of luck, i hope the parents loosen up
xoxo

[srigg009]

That's another thing, They said they don't want us to struggle financially. Even if we move in together, we will both still be going to school and working. We are a motivated passionate couple. He wants to be an architectural engineer and I want to be an art teacher so we are both working towards that. Nothing will change that, not even living together. But thank you Joyce! I hope so too

[Silencedsongs]

I have a particular fear of my family, so I can understand. When it comes down to it though, it's your decision, and you know your relationship better than anyone.

Living together and not having sex? I salute you for attempting such a feat, and hope it works out. I don't think I'd be able to do that.

Whenever it comes to moving into together with your loved one... I think it's always good to ask yourself if you have other things to fall back on in case your relationship should not head in the direction you intended. I'm not saying your relationship will go south, but I think it's a smart idea to make sure your decision to move is not ALL about your guy. Yes, you want to see him and be with him, but the school you'd be going to - is it a school you want to go to? Will you be happy there with or without your guy?

But as far as dealing with parents, I think if you guys come up with a list of how you plan to handle things and lay everything out on the table - most parents would respect that you're taking precautions and have a game plan.

[srigg009]

Hes moving up here, Ill still be in the same place I've been for a year, he came up here in November to visit and loved the area. And yeah, We have thought about writing up a whole game plan. And the no sex thing is no problem for us, there are other ways to express love besides just having full on intercourse. And after being apart for so long its not like its anything we aren't use to. lol

[nic&matt]

Hi there. I know my advice might not be as valid as others because of the amount of time I have had with my SO or how young I am but still living under my parents roof, I am controlled by them (not in a bad way!).
Convincing them that this is more serious than they think is super hard so young. No one believes me and it's so frustrating and hard when you want to go to them with advice. I would actually kind of disagree with others, but it's just my opinion and my relationship with my parents: When I'm older and can move in with my SO, it would be extremely difficult to do without my parents approval. If they ask for one more year, I think it's a year you can grant them. One year will be nothing compared to all the years you'll have with him after. I think waiting a year will be more than worth the avoidment of arguments and second-guessing everything.

I also understand about the sex part. I'm very, very religious and absolutely no one will change my mind about sex after marriage, long distance or not. And I do also feel people doubting or laughing about it and its hurtful almost. A lot of people don't believe I could find a guy who's willing to wait, but I obviously have.

I would advise to walk on your toes but go in the direction you want to go, always moving forward. You know what you want and it IS your own life. I would just try to avoid as many casualties as possible.
I hope this helped a little!

[srigg009]

It did help a little, and yes Id like to avoid any casualties! But, being in the situation we are, we are loyal and have known each other for so long and have never argued, and yeah a year wouldn't be so long but neither of us is happy apart from each other anymore. We are still happy with each other, but not with the distance, he really wants to get out of his parents house also because both of us are independent people except for with each other. Our parents keep offering to help out financially if we wait a year, but the thing is, we don't want to be dependent on them for anything, we want to be able to support ourselves, since it is the real world and not a world where money is handed over to you. And as far as the waiting till marriage, I know how you feel, everyone says we wont make it and there's too many urges that we wont be able to ignore. He was here for a week and we did nothing so I don't see how people still think we wont make it. He truly wants to wait, and so do I.

[nic&matt]

Haha it sounds like to me you have your answer! I understand you want to think things through but you have your heart set on moving. You won't be happy until you do

[OliveOyl]

i think your parents are just trying to protect you. my mom was super pissed I decided to spend christmas with my SO and his family in Mexico. But, after my trip went well, and I proved her wrong that he isn't going to kidnap me and marry me...she definitely lightened up. She also purposely forgot about my 2nd trip I'm leaving for in a week! LOL so when I reminded her a week and a half ago, she didnt talk to me for a whole day. But then I went to visit home for the weekend, and she took me to target in case I needed anything else for my trip. ..so... lol They might not be super excited, but prove them wrong. prove that you are a grown up, and they can give you more benefit of the doubt. I am sure they will eventually be okay with it, because they should love you unconditionally.

[srigg009]

My boyfriend and I are both very stubborn and wholeheartedly set on anything we believe in! lol
Yeah, my mom thought my boyfriend was going to kidnap me when he came to visit in November, she didn't like it very much, and oh boy, when his parents called and his phone was dead while he was here, they were soo worried! I know that his parents love both of us though and so does my mom. I think they just don't like the idea of letting go of us yet. But sometimes you just know its the right time and you have to do what your heart wants you to. Especially when you are both unhappy apart. And yes, parents are very skeptical about visits and things of those nature, but once they see your happy, they usually warm up to the idea! lol

[Zephii]

Maybe you can compromise with them? You want now and they want a year.. maybe 6 -8 months would be doable for them?

Living with someone you've only seen once for a week is pretty daft though, sorry to be blunt. I think you'd seriously be better off to try and get at least one long (one or two month) visit in before you close the distance. There's nothing like being prepared.

Not having sex til marriage? Good on you. I'm sure you'll be fine after the first month or so, because hell, with working and studying and a house to keep you'll be hard pressed to find the time to frolic anyway I know we sure are lol.