When Closing the Distance Comes Quickly....

[Sierra]

My boyfriend has been talking about possibly spending the entire summer (and maybe longer) here with me. We've only met once but have been talking on the internet for more than two years.

Part of me, obviously, wants him here more than anything else, we've had talks that even if things don't work out in the long run, he can sleep on the couch and we'll still have a great time together.

The other part of me is terrified. I've never lived with a boyfriend before and it's a big step for me. Part of what I love about him is that he's so close with his family and friends, I don't want him to leave them behind and be lonely here and start to be resentful of me. He says this won't happen and if it does, I can always go back south with him - which I have already told him I would do as long as I've been there and like it.

If he were just a friend, I would let him move in without any reservations, but since he's my boyfriend, it's more terrifying for me, maybe because there's more on the line. I have friends who tell me to just go for it - in the stages of a relationship it is moving super fast, but we're not in a typical relationship and this is something we need to further our future goals - but I have other friends who say it's insane.

What say you?

[Jonesonaboat]

Go for it, why not! If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, right?
Or if you're reaaally unsure, maybe have him stay for like a month to begin with to see how that works out? Test the water before diving in.

[Sierra]

Go for it, why not! If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, right?
Or if you're reaaally unsure, maybe have him stay for like a month to begin with to see how that works out? Test the water before diving in.

I think part of me is scared for him, leaving his family, friends and a job.
We both have so much faith in our relationship working out ... it's still just a frightening thing for me.
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out ... but I don't want him to be out of a job, place to live, and all that because he decided to make this change. For some reason it's so much easier for me to think about ME making the move, but he wants to come here and I can't complain about that. I would love to share my life with him here.

I know he and I have been talking for a long time, and we've pretty much been a couple for probably about a year, although it was never explicitly discussed. Now that we've had our first meeting, and we may only meet once more before he makes a move here ... it scares me.

I think I'm just terrified it's going to fall apart. Even though I have faith, nobody wants to be hurt, right? And I don't want to hurt him either.

[Jonesonaboat]

If it doesn't work out then hey, it doesn't work out. Just go for it
He seems very happy to move to you, and like you said, if he doesn't like it then there's always the option of you guys going to where he's from. Just take it as it comes =)

[acroush]

Is there other options. I mean I am all for me and my boy to move in with each other when he gets back in the states, but he is a little more reserved. We have already lived together as roommates and I don't really see the big deal, but he does and I repect that. So we compromised and decided to live in the same apt complex, but in different apts. So we each have our space and still can be close enough to sleep with each other every night. I don't know if you guys can do something like that, even maybe at first since you have not really spent a lot of time living near each other. If you can I would say you should live near each other before jumping into living together. Every situation is different tho, but it might be something to consider

[Svea]

Go for it, why not! If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, right?
Or if you're reaaally unsure, maybe have him stay for like a month to begin with to see how that works out? Test the water before diving in.

I absolutely agree with this post 100%; if you don't dive in, you'll never know. Of course you are going to have concerns, but if you've been talking for two years already, there's no reason you can't talk (in detail) about this. I'm to the point in my LDR that I want to close the distance so badly, so if you have the chance & your gut feeling wants you to as well, take advantage of this opportunity. And more importantly, keep the dialogue open & honest for best results.

[Sierra]

Is there other options. I mean I am all for me and my boy to move in with each other when he gets back in the states, but he is a little more reserved. We have already lived together as roommates and I don't really see the big deal, but he does and I repect that. So we compromised and decided to live in the same apt complex, but in different apts. So we each have our space and still can be close enough to sleep with each other every night. I don't know if you guys can do something like that, even maybe at first since you have not really spent a lot of time living near each other. If you can I would say you should live near each other before jumping into living together. Every situation is different tho, but it might be something to consider

Unfortunately, since he wouldn't be able to procure employment before the move, him moving somewhere else isn't an option. As long as he can pay for his own food, he would have to live with me until he got on his feet. I was thinking that maybe once he got a job, he should get his own apartment if he was planning on making the move permanent or long term, but at that point I feel like that would be taking a step backward. I think it would be hard for us to go from sleeping together every night to living apart. I just feel like living with someone right away ... it's a huge step in my mind, even if it would just be because he really had no other choice or nowhere else to go here -- it means something.

I think that as the time comes nearer, I'll talk more about my concerns, we talk about it every now and again now, but I don't want to jump the gun.

I absolutely agree with this post 100%; if you don't dive in, you'll never know. Of course you are going to have concerns, but if you've been talking for two years already, there's no reason you can't talk (in detail) about this. I'm to the point in my LDR that I want to close the distance so badly, so if you have the chance & your gut feeling wants you to as well, take advantage of this opportunity. And more importantly, keep the dialogue open & honest for best results.

My gut tells me that everything will be fine if I let him move in with me. I mean it honestly tells me that this isn't a big deal at all. I've had roommates, just never a roommate I'm involved in. What makes me nervous are differences in living habits, but we've talked about it and he does his dishes right away, so do I, he hangs up most of his clothes, so do I. I cannot forsee any huge difference when it comes to living together that would drive me so insane it would drive a wedge in our relationship.

Of course, you never know until you do it, right?

I guess we'll just have to see what happens, and I do need to make sure that I'm effectively communicating my concerns and insecurities with him.

Thanks for the feedback guys.

[LeilaniJoi]

We have been together 4 months tomorrow.. and the weekend after I am moving 800 miles to be closer. We are not moving in together but will be close enough to see each other every day and night if we want.

I say go for it, you won't know until you try and it sounds like there is really nothing to lose there. There is no "typical" in relationships... you have to take them as they come and ride the waves as they hit. If it's meant to be everything will fall into place and things will be as wonderful as you imagine

[13000km]

I know the different things that are making you hesitate. I've only spent 3 weeks with my boyfriend and I'm moving there in June. I won't be living with him although we shared a room during my trip there. If he's already willing to move there for you, things like getting a job, making new friends and maybe even living on his own can make things feel less rushed. I agree with everyone else who said who knows what will happen until you try? You're both going to have to try your hardest to want to stay in it and make it work. (:

[Sierra]

Honestly, for me, there is nothing to lose. For him, he's sacrificing everything. Leaving his family, his close knit group of friends and his employment. I know he'd be willing to take ANY job here to make some money (which he'll be able to find no problem), I just worry. Part of me is so excited by the prospect of him moving out here, I've been very isolated for various reasons to have someone to do things I enjoy doing with would be a dream come true, plus he does already have a few friends out here.

In my heart I feel like it's a good idea. As a matter of fact, I feel like it's a GREAT idea, and I honestly believe everything will fall into place as it should. It's when my brain takes over I worry about what's he's sacrificing, that this is moving so quickly -- but even then I have to realize that it isn't moving quickly. We've spent years nurturing a bond between us and just because we only just met doesn't mean that we are rushing into feelings that we "shouldn't" have or decisions we "shouldn't" be making.

I've encouraged him to talk to his friends and family about it to see what they say. I don't want him to move out here, regret it and become resentful of me, when given the time and opportunity to save money, I would happily move there. I have a lot less to sacrifice.

I wish you both the best of luck with your moves, and hopefully I can continue to read about them here for inspiration in my own relationship.

[Mara]

When I moved in with my SO I had only known him for two and a half months and we had only been going out for a month. I didn't know anyone in his city, but I did have a job lined up, I just was looking for somewhere to stay until I had enough money to move out on my own. Some people might say it's crazy moving across the state for someone you've only known for that long, heck, I'll say it's crazy myself, but we did it and then lived together for almost a year.

Now, we've been long distance [again] almost 9 months. Crazy, crazy stuff. I don't really regret any of it. So we aren't your "typical" couple, but we never have been. I mean I met him on the internet through a personal ad. If anything, I think all of this has strengthened our relationship and as time gets closer for us to close the distance yet again I can honestly say I wouldn't do anything any differently.

[Mizpah]

Aaron and I closed the distance quickly, just three and a half months after we met and a day shy of our three monthiversary. My homelife was dangerous and complicated, most of the time, and when it took another turn for the worst, he and his brother came and got me and I never looked back. I too had those fears, but it took just looking into my now-husband's eyes after I got into the truck and I knew I was safe, and would always have love and a home. I left behind the only home I had ever known, my family, my friends, my school, and my dream job.

I don't regret it at all. We spent nine months together in NC before trying to move back to WV, where I grew up, but that didn't work out so we packed up once more and moved to WI where we are now settled. Things work out the way they're meant to, and I don't really consider making a move after two years "quick," but then again, Aaron and I didn't exactly move slow in any part of our relationship I say go for it! It's not permanent, unless you both want it to be, so really, where's the harm?