How do you know s/he's worth it?

[YorkshireLass]

Hello,

I've been "lurking" for a few weeks now, but decided to finally post something because I've been wondering: how do you know that a relationship is worth giving up the life you could have had if you didn't move for?

I'm in a bit of a quandary at the moment, facing a choice between returning home to my boyfriend after an 18-month work placement abroad and trying to stay on at the company here (probably for at least another year, to make it worth getting a new visa), which I think would likely mean the end of the relationship (I couldn't ask him to move here: he has his own company, which is his life's ambition, and projects based in the UK that he can't abandon; he's also given hints of not being keen to extend the LDR beyond the planned time, as I think he's keen to "settle down" fairly soon - we're both around 30).

Up until a couple of weeks ago, it was a no-brainer - of course I would go back home, to where I also have family, friends and job prospects - but then one day I woke up with the realisation that I'm not sure I'm ready to leave here just yet: the company I work for is amazing, and I like the lifestyle and the sunshine. I've read so many posts on this forum by people who have been prepared to give up so much more than just a cool job with some neat perks to be with their SO and I feel slightly guilty that I'm even considering staying... I just wish I could be certain of how I felt again!

For the record, he's a really great guy - definitely a "keeper" - and we've never really fallen out in the almost 5 years we've been together. I feel like we've drifted apart a little while I've been away, but I'm pretty sure some time together would fix that. If it doesn't, though... I don't want to regret moving back

Has anyone else had similar trepidations about moving to be with your SO? How did you overcome them?

[Casey]

Yeah I guess I had some reservations.
I was moving from a major city where all of our family and friends were, with better job prospects, where I was attending uni.
He moved to a rural town where we knew no one, no unis there offered my course, and the jobs were still alright, but weren't willing it give me a look in as I wasn't living there.
But I guess I knew I just had to move to be with him. I started a new uni course via correspondence, found a good job with the gov. I really miss my family and friends. The town I am in now sorta really sucks. It's a small rural town, so it is quite clicky and they only hang around who they went to school with or family friends. No time for someone from the city.
I told him while we did long distance that I didn't want to visit cause I didn't want to see the town, hate it, and not want to move there. I eventually did visit and hated it, but still moved.
I guess I overcame it all was by knowing we will only be here a few years for his work.

[YorkshireLass]

Hi Casey,

Thanks for the reply - I guess everyone has reservations and obstacles to overcome when moving to a new place. I hope you manage to settle in to your new (albeit temporary) town and find some friends there soon; I think some places just take a while to get used to new people.

I guess my concerns aren't so much about the move as about the relationship itself, since the part I'm struggling with is:

But I guess I knew I just had to move to be with him.

I wish I had your certainty!

[lucybelle]

My SO quit his well paying job where he worked for 10 years and left his family and home for the first time ever to move in with me (different country). He was so sure this was going to work that he left all that. But now, it's my turn. In August I'm moving to his country. So now I'm the one leaving my job, family and friends. Am I 100% sure we'll make it? Nope. But I think the bond we have is worth the risk. I mean if everything goes to hell, at least I'll have a good story at the end of it.

I say move back and try out the relationship. If it doesn't work out, then move abroad again. The country you're in now won't sink into the ocean in the next 10 years. I promise. Good luck!

[Mara]

I think you should ask yourself if you are willing to face the alternative. In long distance relationships, someone eventually has to move or the relationship isn't going to work out. I'm not willing for us not to be together because of some silly distance. I don't care what I have to give up or sacrifice, he is more important to me. I never ever want to look back and say what if or think this was the love of my life and I let him get away. Honestly, I'm not terribly excited about moving away from everything I've ever known, but at some point, we all have to start our own lives with the people we love.

[krabuzh]

Almost post a new thread till I found this thread.
I hope you don't mind if I post about my problem here under your thread since we have a similar thing.

Will tell you a bit about my relationship with my bf. I live in Indonesia and he lives in Germany, such a great distance we have. *sighs* At first, I never thought that I would fall so deeply with him, until it happened and he also realized that I have fallen deeply to him and it scared him because he is afraid that he couldn't give me the same feeling like I have for him. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like me anymore or want our relationship to end.

According to him, to love someone it means that he has to know the person thoroughly. He said that he need to know me both mentally and physically before he could say that he love me or not. At first it hurt but then when I thought about it again, it did make sense. I mean, when we meet there is a possibility that "we" won't happen, but of course there is a possibility that "we" will happen too. Actually that is what I hope to happen. But I believe that he is being serious and honest with me.

After that "rough" talk, I think that maybe it would be better if I took the action. I plan to move to Germany and live there. Which mean that I have to leave my family (especially my mom whom I care so much) and my life here then start a whole new life there.

But, there are so many thing to do in order to make it happen. If you asked me why it's not him who move to my place, then I would say that both of us don't come from a wealthy family. We both have to work to live and my bf now is still having his master degree which means that he is not have sufficient job to do. He works partime at local postal service, a job that help him to fill his daily need but not enough to buy him even a plane ticket to here.

As for me, I have job too. But I am more steady if compared with his condition right now. I also don't want our relationship to end. That is why I decided to plan my moving there. Though it needs some time. I plan to apply a job at a certain company that is willing to proceed an overseas job application and I hope I will be accepted to work there.

The point is that, I am now a bit scared. Will it be worth it to do? I love him way too much that it scared me. I don't want to lose him, no.

[gflatsxo]

It was a no brainer for me because I knew that it would be easier for me to get a student to come here than it would be for him to get a visa to come to the US and work for awhile. I hadn't even met my SO before I decided to move to Australia for him... I just knew that I really wanted to keep things going with my SO and I knew that leaving him when he came to visit would be hard, so I took the leap and moved here for him.