When is too soon or too late to close the distance? thoughts?

[Island_Erin]

Aloha,

Been in the relationship for approximately 2 years, from Hawaii to Boston. I just got a job offer that will keep me at my current level or higher, in my field, and across the street from where my sweetheart works! Amazing, right?
I'm also scared. We are both excited, but i don't think i've ever made a sacrifice like this for a relationship before. He is divorced with kids, and moving from Hawaii to anywhere is not trivial, and the new job would want me to start in September, which feels like it is just around the corner. We usually see each other every 6-8 weeks, and although we love to travel, we are growing weary of the disruption, especially since i already work away from home a lot.
Is there anyone who can comment on when is too soon in the relationship to take that step of closing the distance?

Thanks,
Erin

[leonsfangirl]

Hi,
I wouldn't say it was too soon, you've been an a relationship for quite awhile and this seems like the perfect opportunity to close it. What are the chances of a job offer coming up like this again? what do you have to lose from closing the distance now?
My SO and I are in the very early stages of closing our distance (Canada - U.K) we've known each other 3 years been an official couple for 8 months BUT we have never met, and we don't feel that closing the distance is a bad idea. We have NOTHING to lose and everything to gains from the situation. I know how scary it feels,but this is what you aim for when you go long distance NO ONE wants it be this way forever. This to me seems like a great opportunity that you could regret if you don't take it.

[Moon]

Go for it If you've got some fears, and aren't used to being around kids often, I'd suggest getting your own place at first, if at all possible. It might make the transition less hard on you. Two years is a good time to do it, I think,

[Micah]

I think that you are in a good situation and I don't think it is too soon. You have a job offer, therefore you should be able to afford to live independently of your SO. I like Moon's suggestion of getting your own place at first and then slowly getting used to being so close geographically.

[Lina]

Gratz on getting the job offer

I don't think anyone could tell when it's an appropriate time to close the distance. Everything depends on you and your SO. However, just like leonsfangirl said, when you engage in a LDR both parts are aware that it can't stay long distance forever. You care for your SO and you have this great opportunity to close the distance - go for it

[garnet]

I think it's different for everyone, but I agree with everyone else that this sounds like a great time for you! What an opportunity. You guys see each other a lot more often than a lot of us did/do, and two years is quite respectable in terms of waiting long enough. Good luck!

[13000km]

I agree with what everyone else has said, that this is a fantastic opportunity for you! Moving anywhere is intimidating, especially if you don't have a long time to prepare for it. I moved here 1.5 years into our relationship, and the whole thing happened in a little over 2 months. I'm still adjusting to it, I think not living with my boyfriend helps a little bit, so we still get time when we're not together.

2 years is definitely not too soon. It will be very scary and require a lot of effort on both parties to help you stay happy in a completely new environment, but I say take the chance, and I wish you all the best!

[lucybelle]

Yeah sounds like an awesome opportunity. My SO and I closed the distance after knowing each other for 2 yeas. Within that 2 years we had physically been together probably a total of 2 weeks. He moved in in February and we're having a great time. Be ready for some challenges, but if you keep communication open, a transition should be smooth. Good luck and congrats!

[Silviar]

How soon or late is entirely dependent on your situation and how much both of you can handle as a team. Bring it up to him if you want to close the distance! Look, the job allows you to go be independent and try dating close distance at least, or even move in and such if you want. It's in your field, so no matter what you're gaining more valuable experience. IF the job is right for you and you want it, then go for it.

If you need some tips on how to bring it up and such, here's mine:

*Agree this is the end goal you both want.

It’s important both partners agree that this is the end goal of the relationship they both want. If it isn’t, then shelve the discussion. Once it’s agreed, it’s time to get down to the details.

*Make a list of what’s important to each of you for a happy life.

Each person has different things that are important to them. We discussed what our ideal living situation was – job statuses, family proximity, what roles we wanted to play and weren’t comfortable with (for example, my partner absolutely despises cooking and sucks at it, so he’d never want to play chef, even for a night), where, immigration issues, and so on. I suggest discussing location last, as the things you want may settle it, and because depending on how life evolves, this may end up changing.

After the list is completed, it’s important to understand what things are compromisable, which aren’t, and if there were time limits on those compromises. To me, it was extremely important I get to be able to focus on my career. It was important to both of us that my partner be secure in a job that paid good wages – something he could start and then move up from. And it was important that we get to live on our own fairly quickly.

Make sure to discuss where each person would like to be five or ten years down the road. Figuring out where to be immediately doesn’t help if you have no idea where you’re going from there. It doesn’t and shouldn’t be planned, but an understanding of your partner’s hopes for the future is vital.

In particular, money cannot be overlooked. The biggest reason people who close the distance go back to long distance is money. Make sure there’s enough money to cover your needs!

*Prepare for life’s necessaries when you move.

For example, my partner and I have a lot of things we need to accomplish in the first year of living together: getting our own flat, visiting family across Australia, my permanent residency visa, and being in a friend’s wedding, to name a few. All of these affected our plans, and are just as important as the move itself – after all, moving is about enjoying life together.