closing the distance but not the way I thought...

[kaitycat]

So good news! There's a good chance we'll be closing the distance October 1st! provided the rest of my paperwork goes through smoothly, I should be able to move back to the US at the end of September. This is exciting because before we were estimating it was going to take me at least until July 2012 to get back there...

Anyway after telling my SO about this I got some not so great news from him... he doesn't want to live together.

well he didn't say he didn't want to exactly, instead he said he didn't think think there was space for me at his apartment (this is true, his bedroom is already too small for him, there's no place there for my shoes) and he didn't think I'd be happy there (also true, I really don't mesh with his roommates, they're nice we're just really different in our living/life/partying styles and when I visit him there I feel really stressed out by their behavior sometimes).

I guess I'm just a little shocked because we lived together before I moved back to Canada. When I left he found a new place and new roommates, and signed a lease and stuff. But I guess I kind of thought when I was able to come back we would just go back to living together.

Am I over reacting? Has this happened to anyone else out there? I'm a little freaked out by this-- I know it's logical, but it kind of seems like we would be moving backwards, not forwards with separate spaces... Any advice would be amazing... I'm really stressed out about this.

[Lina]

When it comes to closing the distance, you wanna close it for good (living together I mean), so I understand why you're a tad annoyed/frustrated/shocked maybe that he said you won't be able to live together now. On the other hand, you've just mentioned all the reasons why you can't live together and also that you totally agree with them. It's not like "you're moving backwards" since it's not just his choice of not living together, but an outer condition (it's just how things are atm). It will probably take some time after you return to the US till you get a place of your own to live together.

[Mara]

My SO and I already closed the distance once which at the time, we thought it would be permanent, but it didn't work out that way. At any rate, we lived together during that time for a year and then I moved back to my hometown for the past year. It was sort of heartbreaking for me to "move backwards" as you put it. To me, we should've been moving forward with our relationship, but it just wasn't in the cards.

I think it's okay and understandable to feel how you feel, but there are valid reasons that the two of you can't live together right now. I think you should focus on being optimistic and happy about closing the distance and look forward to all the pros of having your own place.

It's not like the two of you will never live together, just not right now.

[kaitycat]

good point, thanks guys