A year to prepare? Where do I even start!?

[Rosebud]

Alright, so in a little over a year from now (winter of 2012) I shall be graduating with a BA in English. After a lot of discussion and agreeing how much the distance totally and completely sucks, my boyfriend and I have worked out a shaky plan that after I graduate I will move with him, over to Michigan, while he finishes up his degree before we move back to California. So this leaves me either moving with him right at the beginning of 2013, or during that summer. And I don't know if I'm jumping the gun here and getting overly excited, but this is really on my mind! We're very fortunate that we live in the same country so that's one less hurdle we don't have to deal with but there's still a lot to be done, and there's so much I don't even know where to start.

I currently work at TJ MAXX which I feel I have a good chance of being transferred over there (I'm so lucky their linked to Marshall's and Home Goods as well which boosts my chances of their being a nearby store) which would help a ton in giving me a place to work while I work on my portfolio and free-lance work, but of course there's no guarantee and I'm very stressed I won't be able to find a job and neither will he (he recently quit his job to focus more on school). I've yet to meet his parents and while I still have a year to do so it also worries me they'll be less than thrilled with my moving there and feeling responsible for me, and I'm way too apprehensive to mention these plans to my own family.

Can anyone give me just a little direction? Am I panicking too soon? Should I wait until it gets a little closer? Or is this the type of thing I need to be thinking and figuring out well in advance?

[Zephii]

I think it's good to think it over A LOT way in advance, even though you probably can wait to solidify the plan. Have you atleast spoken to the parents over webcam or something? I think it'd be worthwhile to buid up a raport with them, just incase meeting doesn't happen.
I suppose slipping small things to your family, laying ground work, is a good idea. Gently get them used to the idea maybe, instead of dumping the whole plan in their lap?

[Rosebud]

Well I have plans to meet them in person, he's visited here twice so it's my turn to make the trip again and I definitely know if not this December/January then by next summer I'll be going out to visit him and staying with his family then so I'll have some time to get to know them (at the very least they're much more aware of me than they used to be which is a huge plus!). I've mentioned this plan to my sisters and they both seem to think it'd be a good experience but I'm still so nervous about mentioning it to my parents, though I know you have a point that it's probably best I start now in hinting these plans to them now instead of waiting till I graduate. I think I'll wait till after his next visit, see if he can't get even more in their good graces so they see him as more of a real person and not just that guy I talk to from across the country.

I did mention this plan to my best friends however and both of them seemed to be really,'Eeeeeh, YOU want to move that far away?' and it made me kind of upset. I admit, I'm close with my family and I get homesick so super easily so they seemed to almost think I wasn't serious about moving which made me feel pretty badly, as though I'm not responsible or mature enough for something like this.

[MadMolly]

I think it's really good to plan this much in advance! Does he live with his parents? Definitely visit there a couple times (if you can!) before the big move and concentrate on building a friendly relationship with his family. Also make sure you keep enough money in your savings as a fall-back plan in case you need to move back for whatever reason! But I think it's great you are planning this far ahead. That will ensure this decision is a solid one by the time you move. As for your parents... possibly bring up the idea subtly to gauge their reaction?

[blankita719]

I'm a planner, so I don't think it's too soon at all. I would go ahead and maybe start talking to your HR person or manager and see if maybe they can help you in locating a store in that area that might be hiring. Maybe not right away since you've got some time, but use that resource

Zephii and MadMolly have great suggestions to start dropping the hints to your family so they can get accustomed to the idea of your moving.

[Mara]

It's never too soon to start planning. Even if it isn't an international move, it is still a move, and take it from someone who has moved around a good bit, moving takes work.

I agree with everyone else, I would let his parents and your family know your plans well in advance. It will give them all more time to become more comfortable with the idea. As for transferring, I'm sure you would be able too, but of course, that's something you'll have to wait and talk to someone about much closer to the actual date you will be moving. Don't wait until the last minute though [I made that mistake in the past]. I'd wait until about 6-4 months before you are about to move and then say something that way if any positions come up in that time they could maybe hold them for you and transferring does take a bit of time so everything could be prepared as well.

I'd also start saving up any money you can so that you'd have some savings for when you move. Start figuring out what things you will be taking with you and what things you will be leaving behind and where you will be leaving them.

[Rosebud]

Thanks guys so much for taking the time to give me your opinions and help, you don't know how much I appreciate it! MadMolly, to answer your question (and I'm sorry for the delay! I thought I had written back days ago!), yes right now he does currently live with his parents but we plan that when I move there we'll switch over to our own apartment, not only because I wouldn't feel comfortable living in his parents' home but because he'll be transferring schools as well.

I just wish I knew how to bring this up to my parents without it seeming like some lofty, unrealistic dream or freaking them out that I want to run away and never come back again. I know he's lightly mentioned it to his parents and his dad seems alright with it (basically if we can afford it we can do whatever we like so long as my boyfriend graduates) but since I'll be the one moving and not him I doubt it's as stressful for them as it would be for my parents. Luckily for me I've already transferred stores before within the company I work for and it worked out pretty well (actually a girl I'm working with now also just transferred from across the country and she's in a LDR too!) so I'm feeling pretty positive that it won't be overly complicated But thanks for an estimated timeline of when I should bring it up to my manager, I'd hate to bring it up too late and be entirely out of luck.

Also, I know this is entirely subjective but...anyone possibly have an estimate on what's a good 'safe' number to have in savings for back-up just in case? $1000? $3000? $5000? I'm such a Scrooge with my money and not having enough is always freaking me out D:

[lucybelle]

Also, I know this is entirely subjective but...anyone possibly have an estimate on what's a good 'safe' number to have in savings for back-up just in case? $1000? $3000? $5000? I'm such a Scrooge with my money and not having enough is always freaking me out D:

I've always been told to have 3-5 months of living expenses on the side in a place you'll never touch them unless you absolutely have to. Just in case you can't find a job or whatever, you'll have 3-5 months to find one without being completely poor. So depending on what the cost of living is there, figure out a couple months worth and have that in savings.

[Rosebud]

I've always been told to have 3-5 months of living expenses on the side in a place you'll never touch them unless you absolutely have to. Just in case you can't find a job or whatever, you'll have 3-5 months to find one without being completely poor. So depending on what the cost of living is there, figure out a couple months worth and have that in savings.

Awesome, that's an excellent way to figure it out Thanks so much and I'm feeling at least a little less stressed about that side of things, especially with an entire year for extra savings account padding.