How do you make the decision?

[blankita719]

I know, I know, no one other than the two of us can make the decision on when and how to close the distance, but I'm curious on how those of you that have closed the distance (or have plans to) managed to come to that decision?

Of course, I've always thought about it and struggled with it in the hopes that he would move here, but he's a stubborn, stubborn man and refuses to move to my home state.

Dealing with the distance since our last visit has been harder than with previous visits. I've had a lot happening - my maternal grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. Work has been not as satisfying to me as it once was. My paternal grandfather has Alzheimers and he is getting progressively worse; they've started in home hospice care for him. And well, it just makes me question why I am still here and why I am not moving to be with him because life's too damn short to stop me from being happy. I have other factors which keep me here, but I'm sure everyone has reasons why they could have stayed too (or why their SO's could have stayed where they were).

So I'm just curious as to how you made the decision to jump in and go for it? Was there something that pushed you over the edge? Did you always want to leave?

[Zephii]

For us, remaining long distance just wasn't an option. We want a life together, and for that to happen, we had to, well.. make it happen. We never considered staying long distance. When we had our first visit we got right in there to sort it out. About a week into the visit he told me he was sure (mc finally) that I was the girl he wanted, that we were going to "make this work". We drew up a bunch of lists, looked at different options. Looked at where we were in life, and when the comitments we currently had would end. (School/work, legal cases etc). We planned to close the distance as soon as possible, and bent our finances toward that end.

Neither of us wanted or ever had any intention of leaving their home country. It's not like we're ever going to be able to pop over for a weekend, kind of thing. So, nothing we've done has been perminant up until applying for his visa to come here, and we're doing so with the knowledge that we are returning to Canada - it's not negotiable.

For us it was about knowing what we could and couldn't accept and compromising.

[kiara_silver]

For us were going to spend 9 months together in May. (hopefully) I'll be going there 6 months then he's coming back here for 3. So in that period of time were making our closing the distance plans. We both know we want to end it as soon as we can. So a lot of decisions will have to be made. I think I have to first see how well I like it there. For me I have a lot of family here, Close by, more then he has over there with him. So if we were going based on that we would move here. But it seems smarter to move over there, because there he has work and school options and I think he likes it there a bit better. To be honest I wouldn't mind moving away, not saying I want to move there (not sure yet.) But we both know we can't handle this distance forever, that these 7 months are killing us. Im willing to compromise a lot and move if it means closing the distance, I think the deadline helps decide things. Because we said we have those 9 months, and I think that will push us to choose, knowing that's our deadline. I think for me it won't be hard to choose, just hard to do it, because I choose him, so im willing to go where he wants. The hard part is all that legal and financial process.... blegh

[lucybelle]

I guess I'll add my story in as well.

I met my SO in his home country, he visited me in the USA about 1.5 years afterwards. It was his first time in the USA and in that week he was there, he decided that he would move in with me. I couldn't quit my job, because if I had, I would have been "blacklisted" more or less in the state where I worked. My SO only has a tourist visa and could only stay for 6 months. So we both knew it wasn't a permanent thing. It was then up to me to decide whether I would quit my job at the end of the school year and move away. Well, I made up my mind that even if I had never met my SO, I would have wanted to move to another country for a few years. So I packed up my stuff and flew down here.

Now comes the hard part. Though I'm willing to be here for a couple of years, I don't know that I want to stay forever. My SO has already told me he never wants to leave his country again. Though, I think as time is moving on, we are both realizing that it doesn't matter where we are, we just want to be with each other. I've sort of come to terms with living here, and my SO has mentioned trying to find a job in the USA. Luckily, I'm a teacher so I have 3 months off a year to potentially go home. Round trip tickets from Costa Rica to USA are usually about $500, not that bad compared to some other international travels people have to make.

Right now we're in Costa Rica. My SO has about 1.5 years of school left. He also feels a responsibility to his family at the moment. His dad is having trouble with work and his mom is pretty ill. Perhaps when those 3 things are taken care of, we could move back to the USA. Only time will tell. Right now I'm content with where we are.

[Kerry]

my bf and I have discussed marriage and he is planning on moving up here to be with me. when we discussed it he said that he never wanted to uproot me from my family and he was going to move here. A LOT of things have to happen 1st and I don't see anything happening for at least a year if not 2. plus I want to married 1st before we live together.

[garnet]

Chase and I each found ourselves at a new beginning. He was getting out of school (I'm the old lady of the relationship), I had just gotten divorced. We were both at a place in our lives, where it was easy to start over, together. You know, after the immigration crap.

I'm not getting any younger, and life is just too short. I wanted some happiness. I don't want to waste my 30s like I did with my 20s. He just wants to be happy, period. It was kind of a just leap thing. It's not like minds can't be changed (even if incredibly difficult to put things back as they were, it was always an option).

[LeilaniJoi]

I'm not getting any younger, and life is just too short. I wanted some happiness.

This pretty much sums it up for me. Where I was I had lived all my life but while my family is still there and I still consider it "home" there were so many bad memories there that I really just needed a major life change. Meeting Daniel was a pivot point in my life. So when we started talking about meeting it never was meet and see what happens, we both knew it would work. The next step was deciding whether we would stay LD (which neither of us wanted) and I told him, and meant it truthfully, that he was the only person I'd ever considered moving to be with. He has a house here and family and for me, it was just an obvious choice.

Granted I didn't intend to move quite so quickly... I came over for a visit and was looking around at apartments and got offered a job O.o so what was going to be an end of summer move turned into a go home and give my notice thing lol Then again, we had not planned to live together right away but just to date and see where things went. Well, he met me at the new apartment when we moved and just, well never left. We've been living together with shared bills and frustrations for 5 of the 9 months we've been together and though there was a HUGE adjustment period for me (new job, new home, new location, new guy) it all has worked out quite well.

I guess, it just never was an option for me. I knew when we met and connected that there was something very special there and it was just a turning point in my life. Now, outside of the adjustment phase this has been a very good move for us. My daughter came with me and is doing great in school, has tons of new friends, the stress in my life is so so SO much less, the job is good, the relationship is good with a man that works with me and as a partner and not just a fixture and life is awesome.

[kteire]

When my SO and I started dating, I already had tentative plans to move to the UK this fall. I have zero friends left in town here, my job only gives a limited number of hours, and to move anywhere else in Canada would be too expensive on my own... and I also have the travel bug! So when he and I were discussing the fact that we'd have to become long distance, we were both already thinking of moving to the UK, and discussed the possibility of ending up in the same city. We both agreed that we didn't want to go through seeing each other every couple of months if there wasn't an end in sight, so we've been planning this since we had been together only just over a month. That seems really soon into our relationship, now that I look back on it!! So we've firmed up the plans, changed them a bit (originally he was to be moving over to the UK a month ago, but work has prevented him from doing that.), and now we've got an end in sight

I think the actual time when we both said "Ok, we're doing this" was on our first visit in November. I'd had an interview at an art school in Vancouver, and was offered admission on the spot. I mentioned to him that I'd imagined that when I started school there, I could only do it with him moving with me, and I would delay my offer until after returning from the UK. He said something along the lines of "Why do you think I've been going on about how much I'd love to live in Vancouver again??". And from then on, we started making our plans for the next 3-5 years!