plans

[lunamea]

How detailed do you and your SO plan what things you wanna do once you're together and do you think this kind of "building castles in the air" is setting you up for disappointment?

When I'm in that kind of happy/exuberant mood (which I'm in rarely enough!), I like to imagine what my husband and I are going to do once I'm back (in 1.5 months). A few days ago, I was daydreaming aloud to him like this about having picnics in the park etc. and when he didn't join in my musings, I asked him if he'd like to do that, too, and he was just like "we'll see." I feel he's saying that a lot lately: "we'll see what happens once you get here." He says it's because he doesn't want me to get disappointed if things don't turn out the way I imagined them, but it just makes me think he's not really looking forward to me coming back at all and just thinks I'm already "controlling" what we will do when I'll be back...

[Rach321]

My boyfriend hates making plans and he hates seeing me dissapointed even more. It really depends on his mood. Sometimes he likes talking about the future in sort of a fantasy way (in that we don't make actual solid plans, but talk about what we might do. Other times he's much more practical, like your husband. It always makes me feel down when he's like that too. Wish I could give advice, but I really don't have any. Just know that you're not alone in this!

[lunamea]

Thanks! Hm, I refuse to believe it's a guy-thing, though. It just doesn't sit right with me. Also, in my daydreaming, I was pretty practical still... like, I didn't talk about the distant future or something unattainable - I talked about doing a picnic in the park, for crying out loud! I just don't get it. I guess it has less to do with him not wanting me to be disappointed and more with him not wanting to promise anything that I might call him on later on... *sigh*

[Rach321]

I agree- I don't think it's a guy thing. For my situation, I think it happens for several reasons. Sometimes it's because he's distant from me emotionally (he has issues with commitment that he's still working through). Sometimes it's because he's just not in the mood to daydream. Sometimes it's because he just doesn't want to do whatever I'm proposing.

I suppose any of these could be true in your situation as well. But there could also be other reasons as well that I'm not thinking of. I know you've expressed concerns about your relationship with your husband, and I don't blame you. Some of his behavior does seem a bit odd to me. But there is so little time left before you see him again. I'm sure things will work themselves out pretty quickly once you're in his arms again. Try to enjoy yourself while you're still here in the states and don't let yourself worry too much. In the end, things will be as they will be, right? No use stressing yourself out over something that could be pretty trivial (like he misses you and is just being a grump about it rather than really working on making it better).

[Lumos]

We don't make very detailed plans in advance. I'm not sure if it affects him or not, but I get very disappointed when plans fall through. However, we often talk about thinks we'd like to do when we're together; it's usually a good topic when we run out of other things to say. Usually we just talk about small things like going on a picnic, shopping, or watching a certain movie together. And if something we talked about actually ends up happening, it's always really exciting. I jokingly said that he should apply for the same internship I was applying for, so we could go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter together, and now we'll get to spend 5 months together in Florida in the fall

[Zephii]

We do make very detailed plans in advance - though sometimes we don't follow through because we're both a little too practical with our money.
But with Obi - it needs to be planned. If he's bored he's nearly unmanageable and it's hard to motivate him to start anything if there is no plan. Sometimes I'd just like to make it up as we go, like on dates, but it just doesn't work. For some reason it's easier for us both to try new things if we plan it out. Generally if I suggest something on the spur of the moment he'll say no, but if I suggest the same thing a little in advance and we plan for it he's perfectly fine. It's cute, I love him to bits.
I notice that your husband is very hesitant about damn near everything lately and I'm sorry. I don't have any advice or words of comfort... I hope things get better when you get home.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

We make plans of what to do when we're together. Not very detailed ones, but oh we should do this and that....if it works it works if not oh well. I suggested the picnic in the park....didn't have the time last time he was in. I've suggest a hike/lake, but the weather was horrible last time I went and FREEZING the time before that. Idk.....i know the SO just really hates making plans. He's on such a strict schedule all the time that when he's free to do what he wants he really wants to just be able to do whatever without prior plans. I would think he was thinking more along the lines of "yea we'll see if that works out...." like just not knowing if it will work into your schedule. He doesn't want to say yea we'll do that and not be able to. I think maybe you're over analyzing this one.....but if it really bothers you, you should let him know.