Gonna warn you- this is a long post.
I've been looking at and applying to colleges for several months now. I want to make this decision based on what's best for me academically because my SO and I both decided that education comes first.
However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a factor and sadly my family thinks that is the only factor I'm going to consider (my family had a sort of falling out with our relationship - mom is much better, but my dad is holding a grudge).
My SO went to college A until this semester and he transferred to college B. (I am saying A and B because I don't really want the possibility of someone seeing the college name, saying "OH! I love that college" and bring bias into a response.)
My family and the colleges (we've been discussing this all for years)
My mom and I basically agreed that college A didn't seem entirely worth it. The classes and professors, from what we heard, were harder than they needed to be without the benefit of being Honor's worthy. College A also seemed much more graduate and research oriented since so many undergraduates attended and many dropped out. They want the best of the best and it seems like they tried to weed undergrads out rather than help them succeed. I am in a very advanced program at my school and do well under pressure, so I feel like I could succeed there, but it seems like it would be more effort that it's worth. Decisions for acceptance and scholarships don't come out until February and there is no qualification requirements for their scholarship. It's based on admittance numbers and your rank in that. I also don't like the surrounding city, but the campus is very large and quite nice.
The upsides? It is a great school, has great academic standards and the professional school I want to get into later, and I know a few people there who could help me transition. Also, freshman are not required to live on campus (dorms make me gag), so I would be free to choose another cleaner and cheaper option. I want to say more upsides about this place, but I honestly am having trouble finding them. Their biggest upside seems to be that they are college A, which is a highly respected university.
College B, I feel and have felt, has a lot of upsides. I have a very good friend that goes there and knows her way around really well and is in a similar field of study. They also have a Provost's Scholar's Program which would allow me to graduate in 3 years and pay for me to study abroad my second summer (I really want to study abroad one summer). I would have to live in the honor's dorm with the honor's living learning community which would provide me a support system and easy access to faculty. My mom and I talked about this and she thought it seemed like a good option, too, but she is worried that I might overtax myself. I've already been accepted into the college and honors college and nominated for the PSP and granted a possible total of 16250 in scholarship money over the three years.
The problems? I would be required to live in the dorm for at least the first year -longer if I do the PSP. However, the honor's dorms are pretty nice and really new so they aren't so bad whereas college A's are like 50 years old, dilapidated and grody. I don't want to overtax myself and end up putting myself behind in the long run. I know I can do it, but the fear and possibility are still there. The surrounding city isn't entirely reputable, but the campus is huge and very safe - not a whole lot of reason to go off campus except to see the SO.
My big issue? My family and SO.
My dad, of course, doesn't want me to be with him but won't force the issue, so he is pushing for anything but college B -mostly Auburn, but that doesn't seem like it will be an option for undergrad financially since I'm out of state.
My mom isn't thrilled about us either, but is accepting of us anyway because she doesn't want to alienate me. At first, she was pushing college B, but has flip-flopped since my SO transferred and is pushing college A.
My SO would like for me to go to college B, but is really staying out of it because he wants me to do what's best for me and as long as I don't go to Auburn, it works out for him either way.
I would really like to go to Auburn. It is what feels like home to me, but like I said -not financially a good idea yet. I think it would be best to wait, save up, and try to go there for vet school. That being said, college B seems to be more of what I'm looking for, the more I look at it. I am trying to think about this rationally and think about different scenarios -ie. we break up, he transfers back to college A, etc.(both are unlikely) -but I'm having trouble and usually I can do that sort of thing pretty easily. The only thing I can imagine is if his parents -who hold the money for school- try to get him to transfer back to college A, and from what I can imagine, it makes me sad, but doesn't change my mind.
But either way, I'm going to be at least 320 miles closer to him, if not within walking distance again (he used to live in my neighborhood). I'm not worried about closing the distance, really, like I know a lot of people here are. I had him here with me for 8 months since he came back here for a semester. So either way, I will be within a 2 hour drive, which is much better than the 7 hour drive that it is now and I would see him on weekends, if nothing else. However, even if we were both at college B I would likely be quite busy and he would likely be working so I wouldn't be spending scads of time with him anyway.
Now that I've written you this essay (so sorry about that), what I'd like to know is:
Am I being irrational? Does this seem like a good idea? Am I forgetting something?
I've been talking myself in circles about this for so long that I don't even know anymore. I want to go to college B and it seems better, but... I'm hoping I'm not doing exactly what my parents are worried about and being biased because my SO is there.
I've been looking at and applying to colleges for several months now. I want to make this decision based on what's best for me academically because my SO and I both decided that education comes first.
However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a factor and sadly my family thinks that is the only factor I'm going to consider (my family had a sort of falling out with our relationship - mom is much better, but my dad is holding a grudge).
My SO went to college A until this semester and he transferred to college B. (I am saying A and B because I don't really want the possibility of someone seeing the college name, saying "OH! I love that college" and bring bias into a response.)
My family and the colleges (we've been discussing this all for years)
My mom and I basically agreed that college A didn't seem entirely worth it. The classes and professors, from what we heard, were harder than they needed to be without the benefit of being Honor's worthy. College A also seemed much more graduate and research oriented since so many undergraduates attended and many dropped out. They want the best of the best and it seems like they tried to weed undergrads out rather than help them succeed. I am in a very advanced program at my school and do well under pressure, so I feel like I could succeed there, but it seems like it would be more effort that it's worth. Decisions for acceptance and scholarships don't come out until February and there is no qualification requirements for their scholarship. It's based on admittance numbers and your rank in that. I also don't like the surrounding city, but the campus is very large and quite nice.
The upsides? It is a great school, has great academic standards and the professional school I want to get into later, and I know a few people there who could help me transition. Also, freshman are not required to live on campus (dorms make me gag), so I would be free to choose another cleaner and cheaper option. I want to say more upsides about this place, but I honestly am having trouble finding them. Their biggest upside seems to be that they are college A, which is a highly respected university.
College B, I feel and have felt, has a lot of upsides. I have a very good friend that goes there and knows her way around really well and is in a similar field of study. They also have a Provost's Scholar's Program which would allow me to graduate in 3 years and pay for me to study abroad my second summer (I really want to study abroad one summer). I would have to live in the honor's dorm with the honor's living learning community which would provide me a support system and easy access to faculty. My mom and I talked about this and she thought it seemed like a good option, too, but she is worried that I might overtax myself. I've already been accepted into the college and honors college and nominated for the PSP and granted a possible total of 16250 in scholarship money over the three years.
The problems? I would be required to live in the dorm for at least the first year -longer if I do the PSP. However, the honor's dorms are pretty nice and really new so they aren't so bad whereas college A's are like 50 years old, dilapidated and grody. I don't want to overtax myself and end up putting myself behind in the long run. I know I can do it, but the fear and possibility are still there. The surrounding city isn't entirely reputable, but the campus is huge and very safe - not a whole lot of reason to go off campus except to see the SO.
My big issue? My family and SO.
My dad, of course, doesn't want me to be with him but won't force the issue, so he is pushing for anything but college B -mostly Auburn, but that doesn't seem like it will be an option for undergrad financially since I'm out of state.
My mom isn't thrilled about us either, but is accepting of us anyway because she doesn't want to alienate me. At first, she was pushing college B, but has flip-flopped since my SO transferred and is pushing college A.
My SO would like for me to go to college B, but is really staying out of it because he wants me to do what's best for me and as long as I don't go to Auburn, it works out for him either way.
I would really like to go to Auburn. It is what feels like home to me, but like I said -not financially a good idea yet. I think it would be best to wait, save up, and try to go there for vet school. That being said, college B seems to be more of what I'm looking for, the more I look at it. I am trying to think about this rationally and think about different scenarios -ie. we break up, he transfers back to college A, etc.(both are unlikely) -but I'm having trouble and usually I can do that sort of thing pretty easily. The only thing I can imagine is if his parents -who hold the money for school- try to get him to transfer back to college A, and from what I can imagine, it makes me sad, but doesn't change my mind.
But either way, I'm going to be at least 320 miles closer to him, if not within walking distance again (he used to live in my neighborhood). I'm not worried about closing the distance, really, like I know a lot of people here are. I had him here with me for 8 months since he came back here for a semester. So either way, I will be within a 2 hour drive, which is much better than the 7 hour drive that it is now and I would see him on weekends, if nothing else. However, even if we were both at college B I would likely be quite busy and he would likely be working so I wouldn't be spending scads of time with him anyway.
Now that I've written you this essay (so sorry about that), what I'd like to know is:
Am I being irrational? Does this seem like a good idea? Am I forgetting something?
I've been talking myself in circles about this for so long that I don't even know anymore. I want to go to college B and it seems better, but... I'm hoping I'm not doing exactly what my parents are worried about and being biased because my SO is there.
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