Should I ask for a birthday card/letter?

[jess_mp]

Hi there!

I'd like to ask you for advice on the following. My bf and I have been together for almost a year, and we've met once.
In this time we've known each other, I've sent him letters, twice. The first time I sent him a letter with some typical candies and a teddy bear. He loved it. I never expected anything back, I just wanted him to receive my gift.

The second time, for valentine's day, I sent him a decorated cup (coffee mug) which I printed with his favorite cartoons. I also sent him a pillow, that I also printed with his name and the logo of his favorite music band. I sent candies and a letter I wrote which had photos of us. He loved it too!

The thing is, I didn't receive anything back, no letter, no nothing...
I thought he would send me a card for valentine's , but he didn't... This is something still makes me sad, cuz sometimes I think he does not care about me, or he didnt take the time to drop by the post office and send me a letter...

I told him it hurt me... he says he actually bought me something, a little present, but he didnt really have time to go to the post office, he was honest.
He's just lazy...

I don't want to look shallow, I am not, I don't want him to buy me expensive shit, I just wanted him to write me a letter or a card, and I even feel bad to ask for it, becase he should do it without I have to tell him...
He makes me feel special with all the sweet words he says to me, but I see some guys send letters to their gfs, and I wish I had one from my love too.

My birthday is in 2 weeks, I am afraid he won't send me a birthday card.... I'll be so sad if he does not remember it...
Do you guys think this is not big deal, and I should not worry for these things, or should I ask him for a birthday card? Does this really matter for you?

[kayla_622]

Some people are just not into sending cards or writing letters. I've had two boyfriends. Neither have sent me cards or letters. It didn't really bother me. If he doesn't send you those types of things it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or forgot your birthday but, if its important to you then just tell him you would like a card or letter for your birthday.

[loneliestgirl]

I don't think it is wrong for you to ask for a card from him for your birthday and expect one once you make it clear to him that's what you want from him. My BF rarely does the card or flower thing. If I want it, I have to explicitly ask for it several times in increasing stronger tones and then hope he got the message because there still is a chance he won't do it.,,,mostly because he will forget or is a bit lazy with those particular things. He is good about getting a present though and will take the time to pick it out instead of just a generic gift card.

[Mayokohi]

A letter or card is inexpensive ! Like the rest, I'd say hint strongly or just mention outright it'd be reaaally nice to receive a letter for your birthday and that you'd really appreciate the effort made. I know how difficult it is to get to the post office and deal with sending of stuff, especially international mail in my case (so I just shop online and send things over via the local sites there)

[Kiyama]

I would tell him outright. people can't here our thoughts and guys usually just aren't into sending stuff. And hinting doesnt always work so you might be disappointed. My SO usually gets me flowers when I come visit. Once he didn't and I asked him why not and he said because he had my birthday basket waiting for me at home so. I told him that I'd still like the flowers and he said ok and hasn't forgotten since. So I'm happy, which makes him happy. Just go for it

[XxFranticLovexX]

I've sent letters and things to my SO a few times and he has sent things to me as well. However, I have been trying to get a letter from him for over a year now and it still hasn't happened. I got a small note once, but still no letter. It's really just down to the fact that he doesn't really like writing and is usually either too busy or lazy to write one. It's just something that I have realized I'll have to accept because he just doesn't seem to be the type of guy for writing letters (though he really enjoys receiving them). He shows me that he cares with things he says, things he does, and the gifts he has sent to me.. I can accept that and just keep annoying hem over the letter. XD

I agree with everyone else though, just tell him that you want it. It doesn't hurt anything and he may have no idea that you would want those things other wise. ^_^;

[jess_mp]

Thanks for your replies ladies... I feel much better to know your guys are not into sending stuff either... it must be "a guy thing" and they don't show their love, the way women do, I think. Anyway, I've followed your advices and I've told him I'd love and appreciate if he sent me something for my birthday; and I don't feel bad about asking for these things anymore, because many of you have done the same thing. So I understand we just have to voice our opinion, wants and needs...
Oh, and I'm gonna train my man to receive flowers everytime he picks me up at the airport , like Kiyama did lol. I love receiving flowers!!!!
Thanks again for your replies.

[Mimmi]

We're also not the kind of a couple sending letters/flowers etc to each other, but I do sometimes send him a card, birthday gift, or sometimes just something that really reminds me of him, even though there's no special event around the date... But then, we didn't send anything for our one year anniversary - we're just more casual about it. He never sent anything back, but I never felt like he should - he does always give me one of his personal items when we're around each other though (like a T-shirt or his old ipod full of the music he listens to). I never felt anything was missing.

But! I think we all have different needs and it's great you're letting him know of yours! When I was about 10 years old, my parents somehow completely forgot about my birthday. I was really sad and was waiting all day for them to congratulate me or give me presents. They did make it up for it afterwards, but since then, I always announce that my birthday (or our anniversary, anything of the sort) is coming up. I want it to be given attention, so I demand attention

So great job, expressing what you wish for! I wish my SO would be doing the same - sometimes it's just hard to guess the other person's secret wishes and I always hope the: "Why didn't you do [x]?" would transform into "Could you please do [x]?"